Welcome To Night Vale: Tales From The Cryptids

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

You're listening to ASK ME ANOTHER, NPR and WNYC's hour of trivia, puzzles and word games. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and it's time to meet the folks behind the immensely popular podcast, "Welcome To Night Vale." Please welcome Jeffrey Cranor and Joseph Fink.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Now, "Welcome To Night Vale" has been described - I've heard it been described so many different ways, especially through the public radio descriptions. You get, Lake Wobegon as seen through the eyes of Stephen King or David Lynch, NPR meets "The Mothman Prophecies."

(LAUGHTER)

JEFFREY CRANOR: Can I tell you something...

EISENBERG: Yes.

CRANOR: ...That I've never actually said in an interview. This will be the first time I've said this publicly. The description of Lake Wobegon...

EISENBERG: Yeah.

CRANOR: ...As seen through Stephen King, I think that comes from our most helpful iTunes review, which was written by my mom.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: How do you describe it to someone who doesn't know the show in its simplest terms?

CRANOR: Our friend, Kate Leth, who does a lot of artwork for us, for the show, too...

(APPLAUSE)

CRANOR: ...Yeah. When she first found out about the show, she posted on her blog that - she said it was like Stephen King and Neil Gaiman started game of "Sims" and then just left it running forever.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: You've different segments in the show that are reoccurring. There's community calendar. There's traffic, a message from the sponsors or financial news. But I want to play a clip, right now, from an early episode, just to give everyone a little taste of early "Night Vale" fun and humor.

(SOUNDBITE OF PODCAST, "WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE")

CECIL BALDWIN: (As Cecil Gershwin Palmer) Another warning for Night Vale residents, sources say that the used and discount sporting goods store on Flint Drive is a front for the world government. This is based on extensive study of the location, and also because it has a black helicopter pad on which black helicopters regularly depart and land - fairly unusual for a used and discount sporting goods store. We sent our intern, Chad, to try buying a tennis racket and have not heard back from him for several weeks.

(LAUGHTER)

JOSEPH FINK: The whole running joke of the interns that die constantly did not come into play, I think, until probably the third or fourth episode.

CRANOR: Yeah.

EISENBERG: And then you're like, this is what we're doing.

FINK: And then it just kept happening, and we're like, well, OK.

CRANOR: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I like your - that your writing process is a series of like, well then, this happened.

FINK: I mean, it's a way of, we've written a great number of our friends into the show and then killed them, is what the intern system has turned into.

EISENBERG: So Jeffrey, the first time you meet your fans, what did - how did that feel 'cause obviously, if you're doing this and you only know listeners and feedback that is coming to you online, what was it like to do a live event and meet your fans?

CRANOR: (Nervous stammering).

(LAUGHTER)

CRANOR: It was amazing. It was just - it was so unexpected. You know, I've been doing theater for so long, and then suddenly, here's several hundred people. We had a total of 4,000 people see the show in London and...

FINK: At our Europe tour.

EISENBERG: Wow.

CRANOR: ...And it was amazing. And yeah, nothing really prepares you for that. It's really amazing. And you see people in full costume. You see people of all ages and backgrounds, and it's really great.

EISENBERG: What is the most popular costume?

FINK: Most popular is probably Cecil or Carlos, the two kind of main characters. I want to say the most visible is the glow cloud...

EISENBERG: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

FINK: ...Because even if you have one of those in the audience, you will see it.

(LAUGHTER)

FINK: And so that's the one that sticks in my head.

CRANOR: It's amazing how polite the glow clouds are, too because you see them, and they have these giant glow clouds with Christmas lights and LEDs and stuff. And then the show starts, and they take it off and put it down.

(LAUGHTER)

CRANOR: I've been a sports fan forever and people don't do that.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: So Joseph, is it finite? Do you feel like "Welcome To Night Vale" is finite? Are you working ahead?

FINK: I mean, yes. I feel like the people working on it will die someday.

(LAUGHTER)

FINK: I mean, I...

CRANOR: We argue this point constantly at meetings.

EISENBERG: Really?

(LAUGHTER)

FINK: This is a huge point of contention between Jeffrey and I, but I do believe in death.

(LAUGHTER)

FINK: We don't have - I mean, I'm sure it's finite. We don't have an end in mind. It's just something that we want to do until we don't want to do it anymore, and then we won't want to do it.

EISENBERG: Now, do you think Night Vale Community Radio would air ASK ME ANOTHER?

(LAUGHTER)

FINK: Well, we do already have the other NPR show that Jeffrey came up with, Wait, Wait, Don't, No, Don't, Please, Don't.

(LAUGHTER)

FINK: So I mean, I feel like you would fit right in next to that.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Right, Please Don't Ask Me Another, maybe?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Well, we're about to play a game inspired by your deranged and wonderfully weird minds. Let's hear it for Jeffrey Cranor and Joseph Fink.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: This round is called Tales from the Cryptids, and here to play it are Zach Herz and Rob Blatt.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Rob is a pro wrestler.

(CHEERS)

EISENBERG: How long you been pro wrestling?

ROB BLATT: About two years.

EISENBERG: And you also are a sideshow performer?

BLATT: That is accurate, yeah.

EISENBERG: And what are some of the sideshow - what are your acts? What are your acts?

BLATT: So my specialty is escaping from a straitjacket while wearing a horse head mask.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Sure, that's a classic.

BLATT: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Zach leaned away from you that entire interview.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Zach teaches Latin and Roman history to college students at Columbia, while...

(APPLAUSE)

ZACH HERZ: It's basically the same thing.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yeah, exactly. And you are an avid "Night Vale" listener?

HERZ: Yes, yes I am.

EISENBERG: So would you identify with anyone of the - like, if you were to dress up and go to the live event, who would you go as?

HERZ: I am such a Faceless Old Woman Who Lives In Your Home.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Nice. Well, we're going to dive right into the world of Night Vale, so get ready to be scared. Or you can choose just to feel the warmth of a void of emotion. We have taken lines from the show and turned them into questions about mythical creatures, conspiracy theories and unexplained phenomena. But how could we do a game without the Voice of Night Vale?

(CHEERS)

EISENBERG: So please welcome to the stage, Cecil Baldwin.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Cecil, we are totally psyched to have you.

BALDWIN: Oh, thank you.

EISENBERG: So Cecil, you are going to read these questions in the way that only you can, with some musical accompaniment from Mr. Julian Velard.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: So you're going to listen to the questions and identify what mythical creature, conspiracy theory or unexplained phenomena we are talking about. Ring in when you know the answer.

BALDWIN: The desert seems vast, even endless. And yet, scientists say that somewhere, even now, there is snow. "Welcome to Night Vale." And in light of the large footprints found cutting through the frozen ground in Radon Canyon, the Night Vale Tourism Board's Visitable Night Vale campaign has kicked off with posters of what hairy creature native to the Himalayas?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HERZ: The yeti and or abominable snowman?

EISENBERG: Zach, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

BALDWIN: The Night Vale Council for Commerce reminds you to regularly consume wheat and wheat byproducts. By doing so, you support the local Night Vale farmer, as well as the local Night Vale commodities conglomerates. Actually, an update on the previous announcement - as it turns out, all wheat and wheat byproducts, for unknown reasons, have turned into venomous snakes. Furthermore, these strange geometric patterns have appeared in the wheat fields, supposedly of extraterrestrial origin.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Rob.

BLATT: Crop circles.

EISENBERG: Crop circles.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Now, because there's such a heavy focus on the problem with wheat and wheat byproducts in Night Vale, do you get a lot of letters or emails from people that are gluten intolerant going, yes.

BALDWIN: I do know that every time I post anything on Instagram that has wheat, the fans do like to remind me that wheat and wheat byproducts are verboten, so...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: They remind you.

BALDWIN: Thank you. Thank you for all those reminders.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: That's great.

BALDWIN: I just wanted a plate of pasta.

(LAUGHTER)

BALDWIN: Today, we are exploring common birds and their meanings. An Eagle indicates that an important phone call is impending. A pigeon means that your mother has died or that all is well. It's a bit uncertain.

(LAUGHTER)

BALDWIN: And this type of bird was considered good luck by sailors, or very, very bad luck if you killed one. Although, you can always change your luck by wearing this dead bird as a necklace.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Rob.

(LAUGHTER)

BLATT: A crow.

EISENBERG: Crow? A crow is...

BLATT: I panicked.

EISENBERG: It's OK. It's all right. You rang in. You got excited, and then you panicked. It happens a lot on the ASK ME ANOTHER stage. It's fine. Zach, can you steal?

HERZ: Albatross?

EISENBERG: Albatross.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: I found wearing a pigeon around your neck gets you a seat on the subway, though.

BALDWIN: That's right.

(LAUGHTER)

BALDWIN: The revitalization of the old town drawbridge experienced another setback this week as engineers determined that the furniture upholstery used to construct the bridge soaks up water and creates an unstable foundation. One concerned critic said, we don't even have a river or bay in Night Vale that would necessitate a drawbridge, only a spring. And any creature that touches that spring will live forever since it is this mythical spout, long sought after by explorers like Juan Ponce de Leon.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Rob.

BLATT: The fountain of youth.

EISENBERG: That is what we were looking for, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: It's been replaced, I guess, by botulism.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: It's just true.

BALDWIN: This weekend, the Night Vale zoo finally reopens after last month's renovations. Among the new features is the sensory extraction room, where a randomly selected zoogoer will be dropped into a pitch black soundproof booth for two straight days while zookeepers harvest their scent and teach it to genetically improved predators. The zoo also unveiled a new logo featuring this bloodsucking creature first spotted in Puerto Rico.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Zach.

HERZ: Chupacabra.

EISENBERG: Chupacabra, yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: That was an amazingly close game. You guys are very good with your mythical creatures, conspiracy theories and phenomena, but Zach, we will see you at our ASK ME ONE MORE final round at the end of the show. And let's hear it for Cecil Baldwin.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.