Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, our upcoming shows in Phoenix on February 13 and our first ever show in Kalamazoo on March 20th. You can also check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian show you the most effective way to call in sick.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JOANNE SPETZ: Hi. This is Joanne Spetz from San Mateo, California.

SAGAL: How are you, Joanne?

SPETZ: Good, thanks.

SAGAL: Now where is San Mateo?

SPETZ: San Mateo is about 20 miles south of San Francisco.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah, you're in the peninsula, right?

SPETZ: Exactly. And I work at the University of California San Francisco.

SAGAL: Oh, I see. That's the medical school.

SPETZ: Yes, yes. I'm a professor of health economics.

SAGAL: Really. Do you know if you've been drafted onto any fantasy teams?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show Joanne. Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks you'll be a big winner. Ready to play?

SPETZ: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Love thirty, I'm already beat. I sweat without moving my feet. I can't do it, mate, it's one hundred and eight. Who plays tennis in this crazy...

SPETZ: ...heat.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Australia is in the midst of an epic heat wave, just in time for the big Australian Open tennis tournament. This event may be a turning point in the fight against climate change. I mean, sure let a few countries drown, who cares, but the heat is evaporating my mimosa.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's 110 degrees on the courts. One pro burned her butt when she sat down, another pro's shoes melted when he stepped onto the court, one player really hallucinated seeing Snoopy the dog on the court...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...before passing out.

LUKE BURBANK: By the way, Snoopy's backhand surprisingly effective.

AMY DICKINSON: ...wicked.

P.J. O'ROURKE: ...surprisingly good, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Very good. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: In some jobs facial hair is revered. I have tried but no stubble appeared. To make me look older and hipper and bolder, I glued on a fake three-day...

SPETZ: ...beard.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to Wired magazine, having a beard, fake or not, increases your chance of getting an internet job, digital tech job by over 20 percent.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: I've got to tell my daughters that often.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It also increases your chance of getting a lumber-based job by about 400 percent.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK, Joanne, here is your last limerick.

KASELL: I'm a human, there's some proof of that. Don't claw chairs, don't bring home a dead rat. I'm not known to purr and I don't lick my fur, yet my pet thinks that I'm a big...

SPETZ: ...cat.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a British biologist, cats think their owners are just giant cats.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MOVIE)

DICKINSON: I think that's true.

SAGAL: You're not their master, you're not their mom. You're just an oversized, bald, slow version of them who somehow can use a can opener, so they'll put up with you.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: That's true. That is true.

SAGAL: If this is true, you now understand why your cat doesn't seem to like you very much. He's like, gosh, what is with that big cat?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He just stood on his back legs and peed in our drinking water.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I hate when he does that.

DICKINSON: You know what's funny? I mean, Lyndon Johnson - I can't stop thinking about that...

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: ...but the whole thing with the bathroom, I won't even let my cat in the bathroom with me. I mean, I'm just building a bridge between the two moments.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Joanne do on our quiz?

KASELL: Joanne, you had three correct answers so I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine or voicemail.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations

(APPLAUSE)

SPETZ: Thank you much.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.