This week, Captain Obvious reigned. She (why did you assume Captain Obvious was a man?) brought us an utterly predictable presidential deathmatch and reminded us to not stare directly at the sun. A prestige film by a prestige director based on a prestige book/life swept the Oscars.

Then TikTok was conditionally banned by an institution whose members' median age is 57.9. (Don't worry, the bill has to go through the Senate and a president.) The House should have gotten into #restocktok before making such a rash decision! If Chinese propaganda is detergent pods thunking into a clear acrylic container, we're all in.

Anyway, good luck this week!

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