300 Spartans Can't Be Wrong

Transcript

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: From NPR and WNYC live from New York Comic-Con Super Week, it's NPR's hours of puzzles, word games and trivia, ASK ME ANOTHER. Here is your host Ophira Eisenberg.

(APPLAUSE)

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Thank you, Jonathan. Fantasy, sci-fi, horror. A very important puzzler is a master of all those genres. From his novels, "Coraline" and "The Ocean At The End Of The Lane," to his landmark comic book series "Sandman," everything this guy touches turns to gold. Even a commencement speech he gave went viral and then turned into a book called "Make Good Art." The premise being that bad things are going to happen in life but as an artist, your job is to make good art. Easy for him to say. He's amazing. My book would be called, hey at least you tried.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: He has captivated us with his words and his imagination - our VIP is Neil Gaiman.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Let's get started with our first two contestants, Bridget Oliveri and Ryan Wieczkowski. Now, Bridget and Ryan, I know something about you which is that you are about to get married.

BRIDGET OLIVERI: That's a thing that's happening.

RYAN WIECZKOWSKI: Yeah. We're doing that.

EISENBERG: Bridgett, what's some advice you've been given?

OLIVERI: I think the best advice I'm realizing now is my aunt, whose in the audience, told us to, here's $5,000 just elope.

(LAUGHTER)

OLIVERI: Just do that.

EISENBERG: Just avoid the whole...

OLIVERI: Just avoid the whole thing. And a year later, that was some really, really good advice (laughter).

EISENBERG: Because it's stressful putting together these events, right?

OLIVERI: Yeah. I'm not the biggest party planner. It's a disaster.

(LAUGHTER)

WIECZKOWSKI: Good words to start with. Let's start there.

EISENBERG: You know what? I love it when people are just dead honest on the stage.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Ryan, is it a disaster?

WIECZKOWSKI: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Perfect. But we have a great game. This game is called 300 Spartans Can't Be Wrong. We don't have 300 Spartans but we do have something even better - our one-man house band, Jonathan Colton.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: No pressure. I will try to be as good as 300 Spartans. This game was inspired by the action movie "300," which was based on a graphic novel by Frank Miller. In both the book and the film, King Leonidas of Sparta deals with four messengers from the kingdom of Persia by kicking them into a well and yelling this.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "300")

GERARD BUTLER: (As King Leonidas) This is Sparta!

COULTON: It's very angry.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yeah. At the end of that clip, it's not like things all worked out.

COULTON: No.

EISENBERG: That sounds like, uh-oh. So in this game, all of the answers will rhyme or sort-of-rhyme with Sparta. OK and of course you to have to give us your best Spartan yell, for example, if I said this digital encyclopedia was published by Microsoft until 2009...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: ...You would say, this is Encarta.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I know. Doesn't it sound like we're talking about a gramophone? And like it sounds the encyclopedia's on a disk you would buy.

COULTON: That's right. After that, you would push Jimmy Wales into a well.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: He's the founder of Wikipedia.

EISENBERG: The winner will move on to our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show. Remember, sort-of-rhyme. Established over 1,500 years ago, it's the capital and largest city of Indonesia.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Bridget.

OLIVERI: That is Jakarta.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: It's like you're a Spartan from the town over.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yes, you say, that is Jakarta. You can also say, this is Jakarta. Either way, you're right.

OLIVERI: Over there is Jakarta.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: The name for this type of cheese made from whey means re-cooked in Italian. Just translate from the Italian and you'll have the answer.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Bridget.

OLIVERI: So this is ricotta.

COULTON: That's right.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: This document signed by King John of England in 1215 is one of the landmarks of constitutional law.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Ryan.

WIECZKOWSKI: This is the Magna Carta.

EISENBERG: All right, Spartan, I want to hear it from you.

(LAUGHTER)

WIECZKOWSKI: This is the Magna Carta.

EISENBERG: Yes, it is!

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: It's the title of a book by Hermann Hesse and the first name of the Indian prince who would found Buddhism.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Bridget.

OLIVERI: This is Siddhartha.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: It sure is. You're right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Are you laughing at the sort-of-rhyme?

OLIVERI: Maybe.

EISENBERG: Maybe?

OLIVERI: I'm sort of laughing at the sort-of (inaudible).

EISENBERG: Are you laughing at Buddhism?

(LAUGHTER)

OLIVERI: Buddhism is no laughing matter.

COULTON: Because they're fine with that. They don't care.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I know. Siddhartha couldn't even gloat that he founded it. In Catholicism, their marks resembling Jesus's wounds from the crucifixion.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Ryan.

WIECZKOWSKI: This is stigmata.

EISENBERG: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

OLIVERI: Way to go (unintelligible).

EISENBERG: Yeah!

COULTON: In humans, it's the main artery that carries blood from the left ventricle of the heart to the major organs.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Bridget.

OLIVERI: This would be really sad if I didn't get it. This is the aorta.

COULTON: That's right.

EISENBERG: Why would that be sad if you didn't get it?

OLIVERI: I'm kind of a doctor and stuff.

EISENBERG: Kind of?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Not for nothing, but I'd be looking for a more confident physician.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I was looking.

WIECZKOWSKI: Me too.

COULTON: Can you describe your symptoms or whatever?

(LAUGHTER)

OLIVERI: It's pediatrics. That's how the teenagers talk anyway. I'm like on their level.

EISENBERG: OK this is your last question. According to the title of a novel by Lauren Weisberger, the devil wears clothes from this fashion house.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Ryan.

WIECZKOWSKI: This is Prada.

EISENBERG: Yes! Exactly.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Let's go to our puzzle guru Art Chung and find out how did our soon-to-be-married contestants do?

ART CHUNG, BYLINE: I'm going to have to admit they weren't the most inspiring Spartans of all time. But, Bridget, congratulations you're moving on to our Ask Me One More final round.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.