Celebrity Wedding Announcements

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Let's welcome our next two contestants, Shawn Shaffer and Brandon Specktor.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Both of you have amazing credentials. Brandon, you're the humor editor for Reader's Digest and you have a blog where you review teen...

BRANDON SPECKTOR: Books,

EISENBERG: Teen books?

SPECKTOR: ...Movies, anything as long as its snarky.

EISENBERG: As long as its snarky and for the teens.

SPECKTOR: Right.

EISENBERG: For those whippersnappers, I get it. Shawn, you are visiting us from Winter Park, Florida.

SHAWN SHAFFER: Yes.

EISENBERG: Those things are a contradiction. Is that place just a contradiction?

SHAFFER: In many ways, yes.

EISENBERG: Yes, I'm sure it is. And you run a public library.

SHAFFER: I do.

EISENBERG: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: So here's my question to you Shawn, what celebrity would you not like to meet, but to marry? Like, what celebrity do you think you could spend like 10 to 15 years with successfully?

SHAFFER: Well, I've sort of already spent 30 years with him and I know what you're going to say, but it's Barry Manilow.

EISENBERG: Oh.

SHAFFER: I know, I know. But that's just because he hasn't slept with me.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: So what you're saying is, like, the odds are good. It's coming; it's getting closer.

SHAFFER: Absolutely, absolutely.

EISENBERG: Brandon, how about you, Barry Manilow as well?

SPECKTOR: Of course. This is difficult because my girlfriend is here and she's not a celebrity.

EISENBERG: But you know what? You're doing fine. You said that, you're cool. Whatever you say now is...

SPECKTOR: That being said...

EISENBERG: Yes, if you had to, right.

SPECKTOR: If I must...

EISENBERG: If she wasn't available.

SPECKTOR: I would go with Queen Elizabeth II.

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: Yeah, she seems awesome; fun gal.

EISENBERG: And one particular reason? Or...

SPECKTOR: Well, that way I could take my current girlfriend as a mistress and she could visit me in a very nice bedroom.

EISENBERG: I like that this is all about really just a better apartment, just someone with a good place to live - awesome. How about you, Coulton, Jonathan Coulton?

COULTON: I don't have - I don't have a choice. I'm perfectly happy with my wife - who sometimes listens to the show.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: The thing is celebrity marriages never last because famous people are always marrying the wrong people. We are going to solve that problem for you right now by pretend marrying two famous people who were obviously meant to be together because their resulting last name combination makes a funny joke. That is how people should choose. Puzzle Guru Art Chung, would you give us an example please?

ART CHUNG: If we said when the longtime owner of the LA Lakers married the first female American astronaut to go into outer space, together they became what mode of transportation? You would say bus ride, combining the last names of Jerry Buss and Sally Ride.

EISENBERG: Oh, right? It's just like marriage, hard.

COULTON: It's work. Its work but it's worth it.

EISENBERG: That's right, and you've got to talk it out.

COULTON: And of course, like half of all marriages, this game will end in anger and divorce. Here we go. When the comedian known for entertaining American troops overseas marries the singer of "Sweet Caroline," together they become what gemstone on display at the Smithsonian?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Shawn.

SHAFFER: Bob Hope and Neil diamond, so the Hope diamond?

COULTON: Hope-Diamond is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

SHAFFER: Thank you for throwing me an old one. I appreciate that.

COULTON: When Nicole Kidman's country star husband divorces her - sorry Nicole - and enters a same-sex union with the R&B singer of the hit song "All Of Me," together they become what term for a modern myth of unknown origin? You guys have spirals in your eyes right now.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Shawn.

SHAFFER: Urban-Outfitters?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

COULTON: You're talking about M.C. Outfitters, the singer?

SHAFFER: Absolutely, yes.

COULTON: I'm sorry. I wish that were correct but it is not. Brandon, do you have a guess?

SPECKTOR: Urban-Fiction?

COULTON: No, that's very close.

EISENBERG: They're both good answers.

COULTON: Well, they're both great answers and both wrong. What is the answer, everyone?

AUDIENCE: Urban-Legend.

COULTON: Urban-Legend is what we were looking for, John Legend. When The Daily Beast founder and former New Yorker editor marries the first African-American female Secretary of State, together they become what nutritious whole grain?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Shawn?

SHAFFER: Brown-Rice?

COULTON: Brown-Rice, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: When a famous cellist who has won more than a dozen Grammys marries the star of Veronica Mars, together they become what nickname for a former telephone monopoly?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Shawn.

SHAFFER: Ma-Bell.

COULTON: Ma-Bell, yeah, you got it.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Yo-Yo Ma and Kristen Bell, in case anyone wanted the...

COULTON: That's right, Yo-Yo Ma and Kristen Bell.

EISENBERG: Because someone might be going like, M.C. Ma?

COULTON: Somebody right now is screaming at the radio, I don't get it.

EISENBERG: Why?

COULTON: All right, this is your last question. When a legendary pinup model from the '50s marries a slave who led a famous rebellion in 1831 Virginia - together they become what term for a book you can't down.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Brandon.

SPECKTOR: Page-Turner?

COULTON: Page-Turner. Bettie Page and Nat Turner, that is correct. Art Chung, how did our contestants do?

CHUNG: That was a tough game, but Shawn is our winner. Congratulations Shawn.

EISENBERG: Coming up, Ill talk with Lake Street Dive, which is both the name of a great band and the setting of every Tom Waits song ever, so stick around. I'm Ophira Eisenberg and this is NPR's ASK ME ANOTHER. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.