Eliza Coupe: Legal Eagle

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Please welcome back our very important puzzler, Eliza Coupe.

ELIZA COUPE: Hi again.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Eliza, the character you play on "Benched" - she has a public service breakdown, so she has some anger issues.

COUPE: A little bit.

EISENBERG: She's a corporate lawyer that is now a public defender...

COUPE: Yes.

EISENBERG: ...And she's very competitive.

COUPE: Yes.

EISENBERG: Are either of those things like Eliza Coupe?

COUPE: OK. All right, my family - no, I'm just - whatever - whoever wants to win, that's fine. Just know that I did it better anyway, so yeah.

EISENBERG: All right, slightly competitive.

COUPE: Yeah, very, very, very much so. But I also know when to let other people win - nah, I don't.

EISENBERG: No you don't.

COUPE: All right, no I don't. No.

EISENBERG: Have you ever been in trouble with the law?

COUPE: No, I actually haven't.

EISENBERG: Really?

COUPE: Yeah. Yeah.

EISENBERG: I'm impressed.

COUPE: It's a weird thing.

EISENBERG: Parking ticket?

COUPE: Oh, a ton of those.

EISENBERG: OK, right. OK.

COUPE: A ton of those - speeding tickets, yes, yes, yes.

EISENBERG: Yeah, OK, so you were like - you were like real things?

COUPE: Yeah, have a gotten a lot of car accidents? Maybe. Maybe.

EISENBERG: How much of the law have you picked up from playing an attorney on TV?

COUPE: About as much as I did playing a doctor.

EISENBERG: OK good, so a lot.

COUPE: Yeah, so much.

EISENBERG: We're going to need that for this game...

COUPE: I'm a surgeon now, so - and I'll represent you in a court of law.

EISENBERG: Well, with that in mind, please welcome your teammate for your game, David Patton.

(APPLAUSE)

COUPE: Hello - hi, nice to meet you.

EISENBERG: Now, much like your character on "Benched," David is a former corporate attorney.

COUPE: OK.

EISENBERG: But he's now the executive director of the Federal Defenders of New York, which - yeah.

COUPE: Wow.

EISENBERG: It sounds like superheroes, by the way. Really it does. What do federal defenders do?

DAVID PATTON: Federal defenders are lawyers who represent people accused of federal crimes who can't afford a lawyer.

(APPLAUSE)

COUPE: That's pretty great.

EISENBERG: I felt guilty when you said that to me.

PATTON: You should.

EISENBERG: I should? Wow.

PATTON: Enjoy your cush life.

EISENBERG: I'm glad you don't have any self-esteem issues.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: So Eliza and David, you're going to be working together. Eliza is going to try to make you guess a list of phrases that you often hear in courtroom scenes in the movies and television. And Dave, you have to guess what the phrases are without - and Eliza cannot use any of the obvious words.

COUPE: (Groans).

EISENBERG: If you use some of the obvious words, you'll hear this.

(SOUNDBITE OF BUZZER)

EISENBERG: All right, so for example, if the phrase was order in the court, you can't say the words order or court. OK?

COUPE: This is going to go great.

EISENBERG: Yeah, it's going to be awesome.

COUPE: This is going to go great.

EISENBERG: Dave, are you ready, psyched?

PATTON: As I'll ever be, yes.

EISENBERG: OK, you have two minutes on the clock...

COUPE: OK.

EISENBERG: ...Starting now.

COUPE: So - up we go.

PATTON: All rise.

COUPE: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COUPE: Would it be OK if I came to talk to you?

PATTON: May it please the court?

COUPE: Oh no, that's really good...

PATTON: May I approach?

COUPE: The...

PATTON: Bench.

COUPE: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COUPE: (Laughter) Someone has their hand raised and it's the number one person in the lineup that has their hand raised.

PATTON: (Laughter) The number one person in the lineup...

COUPE: Or it's the - oh, I just saw something, and I'm the - I got on the scene at the - right at the start of it. And I'm the only one here. There are other people behind me and I'm raising my hand. This is getting way for me.

EISENBERG: You could skip if you want.

PATTON: This is obviously my fault.

COUPE: David.

PATTON: Yeah, I know.

COUPE: It's OK. OK, we're going to skip it. We're going to go back to it, but we're going to skip it. We're going to skip it.

PATTON: And glad we're supposed to be on the same team. I can see the competitive streak coming out.

COUPE: We're doing great. No, no, no, we're doing great. I am so cool with this. We are doing great. Want to skip the next one? I'm cool. I said a bad thing and I'm not allowed to say it.

PATTON: Objection.

COUPE: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Oh yeah.

COUPE: Oh, I've got all of these things and I'm tired. I'm going to...

PATTON: Briefcases?

COUPE: Oh, that would've been good for that, but - I need a nap and so I'm going to go...

PATTON: Rest.

COUPE: On a - right, on my...

COUPE: Case.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COUPE: All of you 12 people.

PATTON: Jurors.

COUPE: (Unintelligible).

PATTON: Pirate jurors?

COUPE: OK, have all of you 12 people come up with the final...

PATTON: Verdict.

COUPE: Yeah, but have you - oh, I've got to get to the top shelf of the thing. And I've got to...

PATTON: Reached a verdict.

COUPE: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COUPE: That's it. David, you're on fire buddy.

EISENBERG: That was time.

COUPE: Oh.

PATTON: We were just getting rolling.

EISENBERG: Yeah, I know. I know...

COUPE: So many more. I'll stick around later if anyone wants to - just so I can finish these for myself.

EISENBERG: So...

PATTON: Wait, wait, do I get to learn the one that I missed?

EISENBERG: Oh yeah, you want to tell him?

COUPE: Call your first witness.

PATTON: Really? Everyone here knew that?

COUPE: They're first in line.

EISENBERG: David, you won.

PATTON: Thank you.

EISENBERG: Eliza, you kind of also won.

COUPE: Well...

EISENBERG: You guys won. You did it. And we are giving you ASK ME ANOTHER limited edition anagram T-shirts.

COUPE: Oh...

EISENBERG: I know, tried to sell them on eBay...

COUPE: Big day.

EISENBERG: ...There are too many of them. Let's hear it once again for our VIP, Eliza Coupe.

COUPE: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

JONATHAN COULTON: (Singing) Breaking rocks in the hot sun, I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won. I needed money because I had none. I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won. I left my baby and it feels so bad, I guess my race is run. She's the best girl that I ever had and I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won. Robbing people with a six gun, I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won. I lost my girl and I lost my fun. I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won. I left my baby and it feels so bad, I guess my race is run. She's the best girl that I ever had. I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.