Fictional Illnesses

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Welcome back to ASK ME ANOTHER, NPR and WNYC's hour of trivia, puzzles and word games. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and with me is our one-man house band Jonathan Coulton and our puzzle guru Art Chung.

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EISENBERG: Coming up, we've got a creepy quiz for our VIP, Neil Gaiman, about Gilbert and Sullivan. But first let's meet our next two contestants, Ty Lazauskas and Casey Zakroff.

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EISENBERG: Casey, you are obsessed with squid. I also love squid. But...

CASEY ZAKROFF: Yes.

EISENBERG: ...You study it for...

ZAKROFF: I do - for my Ph.D.

EISENBERG: For your Ph.D. Squid - I need a squid fun fact.

ZAKROFF: Squid fun fact - so squid can actually differentially control the color of their bodies so that they can communicate different messages to the other squid on either side of them. So they can, say, make one side of their body dark and the other side of the body splotchy so they can communicate different messages as they swim alongside each other.

EISENBERG: Oh, right, they're two-faced. Cool. That is cool. Ty, you work at a National Geographic TV...

TY LAZAUSKAS: Yeah.

EISENBERG: ...For a cool show.

LAZAUSKAS: Yeah. I work on a show called "Brain Games" in the art department. So recently I was late to one of my friends going away parties because I was like I need to figure out how to make this magical chocolate puzzle work. I'm going to be late. I'm sorry. So that's what being in the...

EISENBERG: Right.

LAZAUSKAS: ...Art department is like - sad, lonely.

EISENBERG: So in this game, what we've done is we've mashed up names of fictional comic sci-fi and fantasy characters with a medical disease or condition.

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EISENBERG: It's like a hypochondriac's Comic-Con.

ZAKROFF: I'm not that kind of biologist.

EISENBERG: So you have to tell us the name of the made-up ailments. Let's go to puzzle guru Art Chung for an example.

ART CHUNG, BYLINE: So if we said this beloved robot caught a lung disease walking outside Luke Skywalker's X-wing fighter, you'd say R2-D2burculosis.

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CHUNG: That's exactly what you would say.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: That's what would say...

LAZAUSKAS: Oh, just that.

COULTON: ...Because that's the right answer. And here's a hint - the name of a character will be first followed by the disease or condition. That will help you out a little bit, but probably not very much.

LAZAUSKAS: Yeah, probably not.

COULTON: Good luck.

EISENBERG: A certain Belgian comic character couldn't hear the barking of his dog Snowy because of that persistent ringing in his ears.

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EISENBERG: Casey.

ZAKROFF: Tintintintinnitis. Tintintinnitus.

EISENBERG: Yes, exactly. Tintintinnitus.

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COULTON: Rogue is actually happy that she can't touch her mentors itchy red rash, though he claims it is just chafing from his wheelchair.

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COULTON: Casey.

ZAKROFF: Professor Xzema.

COULTON: That's right.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: That's a good one, right?

ZAKROFF: Yeah (laughter).

LAZAUSKAS: Solid.

EISENBERG: Yeah, his danger room is just an itchy sweater.

ZAKROFF: Just - he hears all the thoughts of people judging him for the red skin.

EISENBERG: And he tries - go get me Neosporin. Yeah, that's his whole life. In this bit of racy "Star Trek" fan fiction, Deanna Troi picks up this sexually transmitted disease after a wild weekend with the members of Lieutenant Worf's race.

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EISENBERG: Casey.

ZAKROFF: Klingonorrhea?

EISENBERG: Yeah.

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COULTON: That's bad. It's very bad. You do not want to get that.

EISENBERG: I know you're horrified, right, Ty? You're horrified.

LAZAUSKAS: I had nothing. I was like red shirt syphilis? I Had nothing.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: The TARDIS may be bigger on the inside, but I can still hear its owner suffering from this form of pertussis.

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ZAKROFF: Doctor Whooping cough.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

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ZAKROFF: Sorry, that just made my life a little bit.

EISENBERG: Yeah, yeah.

COULTON: You do have a TARDIS on your shirt.

ZAKROFF: With a squid attacking it.

COULTON: Yeah, yeah. Keanu Reeves' character in "The Matrix" may have been the one, but those triple helpings of dessert sure didn't help his chronic weight problem.

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COULTON: Ty.

LAZAUSKAS: Morphiobesity? Oh no - no, no, no - eh...

COULTON: Eh (laughter).

LAZAUSKAS: Neobesity.

COULTON: Neobesity is correct.

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EISENBERG: All right, this is your last question. One of the reasons Dave wanted him to open the pod bay doors was this special kind of bad breath exhibited by the "Discovery One's" onboard computer.

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EISENBERG: Casey.

ZAKROFF: Halitosis.

EISENBERG: Exactly.

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EISENBERG: Art Chung, how did our contestants do?

CHUNG: That was one tough game. And Casey, well done. We'll see you in our final round.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.