I Want My Puzzle Back

Transcript

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: From NPR and WNYC, live from The Bell House in beautiful Brooklyn, N.Y., it's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia, ASK ME ANOTHER. And here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

(APPLAUSE)

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Our first game is called I Want My Puzzle Back and here to play it are Abby Barr and Jessica Daly.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Abby, you are the spawn of radio - public radio producers.

ABBY BARR: It's true. My parents met doing public radio and they announced that they were getting married on the radio, which I think is pretty cute.

EISENBERG: Oh, that is so cute.

BARR: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: Growing up, did your family have a regular, like, fast food place or chain restaurant that you guys would go to?

BARR: Not often, but I do remember getting some pretty sick toys from Happy Meals, so...

EISENBERG: Yeah.

BARR: Yeah, there were, like, Beanie Babies and like...

EISENBERG: They were Beanie Babies.

BARR: Yeah, that was cool.

EISENBERG: All right, we were clearly - I was in the wrong town.

BARR: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: How about you, Jess?

JESSICA DALY: Well, actually I have the same thing. We went to McDonald's, not so much to get the burgers or the chicken fingers, but I was really into Beanie Babies.

BARR: Whoa.

DALY: And they had the mini-Beanie Babies for a while and my sister and I were trying really hard to collect them all, and my parents were really nice to us (laughter).

BARR: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: Does McDonald's know that this is the reason people were going?

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: I bet they do.

EISENBERG: They were just like...

COULTON: I bet they do.

EISENBERG: ...People just want the Beanie Baby. OK, well, here's why this game is called I Want My Puzzle Back 'cause even if you've never set foot in a Chili's, you are probably familiar with their classic jingle. How does it go again, dear house musician Jonathan Coulton?

COULTON: Do I really - I really have to do this?

EISENBERG: Please, yeah, you're good at it. You got the...

COULTON: For the show.

EISENBERG: ...Perfect vocal range.

COULTON: OK, it goes like this. (Singing) I want my baby back, baby back, baby back - and there's more, but I'm not going to sing the rest of it.

EISENBERG: Come on.

COULTON: No, no.

EISENBERG: All right.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Wait a minute, are you booing me for not singing the rest of the Chili's Baby Back Ribs jingle? You people are monsters.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

UNIDENTIFIED WOMEN: Don't do it.

COULTON: No, I'm not going to do it. Thank you, ma'am, thank you.

EISENBERG: So in this game, we're going to give you clues to three-syllable things that rhyme with back and you are going to answer in the form of that jingle.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: For example, if I said, could you go for some Kraft, microwavable, elbow-shaped noodles in cheese sauce, you'd sing (singing) I want my Easy Mac, Easy Mac, Easy Mac.

COULTON: That's a very sad version of that jingle.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: 'Cause you're alone and you can only make easy foods

COULTON: (Laughter) You just have mac and cheese.

EISENBERG: And the winner is going to move on to our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show. Here we go. Would you like a Beat Generation author who wrote the first draft of his travel novel on a 120-foot roll of paper?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jess.

DALY: (Singing) I want my Kerouac, Kerouac, Kerouac.

EISENBERG: Yeah, exactly.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: That was just like Beat poetry. That was brilliant. Do you have a yen for the completely unfashionable zippered pouch you wear around your waist to carry your money?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Abby.

BARR: (Singing) I want my fanny pack, fanny pack, fanny pack.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: That's never made a comeback.

BARR: Yeah.

EISENBERG: I know, why not? That should make, like, a hipster comeback, don't you think?

COULTON: I'm not sure it ever went away.

EISENBERG: Oh, yeah.

COULTON: Please, don't tell me it went away 'cause I...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Now they could call it the hip stir.

COULTON: Oh, that's...

EISENBERG: See.

COULTON: That's good, write it down. I'm going to write that down on this script here.

EISENBERG: Are you ready to workout on this popular '90s exercise machine that allows users to simulate cross-country skiing at home?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jess.

DALY: (Singing) I want my Adirondack, Adirondack, Adirondack.

EISENBERG: Yeah, that's a place, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: But, you know, I see where you're going. That is not what we're looking for. Abby, can you steal?

BARR: I don't even have a joke for this one, so no, I'm sorry (laughter).

EISENBERG: Let me go to my puzzle guru, Greg Pliska, for a second. Would you like to explain what the answer is to these fine people who clearly, when I said the word '90s, they both got very worried?

(LAUGHTER)

GREG PLISKA, BYLINE: Very nervous. The answer we're looking for is (singing) I want my NordicTrack, NordicTrack, NordicTrack.

EISENBERG: You guys don't remember that. No. It's - it was a thing that you had in your bedroom or basement that you put your laundry on.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Do you miss the Chicago-born king of comedy, remembered for roles in the "Ocean Eleven" films and his own brash family-life sitcom?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jess.

DALY: (Singing) I want my Bernie Mac, Bernie Mac, Bernie Mac, Bernie Mac.

EISENBERG: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Do you feel like you need this emetic derived from a root used to induce vomiting in poison cases?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Abby.

BARR: (Singing) I want my ipecac, ipecac, ipecac.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Are you looking for the kind of girl Gwen Stefani says she ain't?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Abby.

BARR: (singing) I want my hollaback, hollaback, hollaback girl.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) Yeah, we'll take it.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Are you craving this historic New Orleans cocktail, combining whiskey or cognac with absinthe, bitters and sugar?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jess.

DALY: (Singing) I want my Sazerac, Sazerac, Sazerac.

EISENBERG: Yeah, delicious.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: That could be your new ipecac.

(LAUGHTER)

DALY: Already is.

COULTON: (Laughter) Sazerac is my ipecac.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) This is your last clue. Even though the U.S. won the Revolutionary War - spoiler alert - do you miss seeing the national flag of the United Kingdom?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jess.

DALY: (Singing) I want my Union Jack, Union Jack, Union Jack.

EISENBERG: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Let's go to our puzzle guru again. Greg Pliska, how did our contestants do?

PLISKA: Well, we had a very close match, but I am happy to say that Jess is our winner, and we'll see you in the final round at the end of the show. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.