Instrument Man

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Please welcome our contestants CeCe Brooks and Colin Thibadeau.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: I don't know if either of you play instruments, but if you could play any instrument - have, like, just magically great talent at any instrument out there, which one would you pick and why? Colin?

COLIN THIBADEAU: I would pick the hurdy-gurdy.

EISENBERG: The hurdy-gurdy?

THIBADEAU: The hurdy-gurdy.

EISENBERG: I can't - what - I can't even think of what a hurdy - oh, it's the roundy-roundy thing?

THIBADEAU: Yes.

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: It's like a crank violin.

THIBADEAU: Yeah, a crank violin with a little drone attached to it.

CECE BROOKS: Naturally.

EISENBERG: And is there anything stopping you from picking that up? It sounds expensive, right?

THIBADEAU: Probably very expensive. And there's really no legitimate use for it, so...

EISENBERG: There's no legitimate use. That is the truth. CeCe?

BROOKS: I would have to say the bagpipe.

EISENBERG: Really?

BROOKS: Yes, a couple of reasons. One, I'm Scottish, and two, I think it just makes more sense for a girl to wear a kilt, you know? It make a little more sense and just the breath capacity, just that person would have a lot of other talented skills.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: All right, that's one of the dirtiest things anyone's ever said on the show.

BROOKS: My mom's going to kill me.

EISENBERG: It's all good. This game is called "Instrument Man." Jonathan, you are the music man, so I'll let you talk to CeCe and Colin about what they're in for.

COULTON: Yes, well, everyone loves the Billy Joel song "Piano Man" because it's the best song in the world - pause for applause.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: And you probably didn't think that it could get any better than it is but it's about to. What if that song were called "Glockenspiel Man," for instance? So what we're doing in this round is we have rewritten the lyrics of "Piano Man" to be about a guy playing other instruments. You tell us what the new song title would by singing (singing) sing us a song, you're the harmonica man, or whatever. I have just given it away; harmonica's not any of the answers. Here we go. (Singing) It's 9 o'clock on a Saturday, the plaid- loving crowd shuffles in. There's a highlander droning next to me, blowing into his animal skin.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: CeCe.

BROOKS: (Singing) Sing us a song, for the bagpipe man.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: You were kind of a shoe-in for that one.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

BROOKS: I would hope so.

COULTON: (Singing) It's also got strings like the piano man, some keys are black and some white. And I know it's broke, but don't fix it because baby's got Bach tonight.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Colin?

THIBADEAU: (Singing) Sing us a song, oh, harpsichord man.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: I like that you put in oh, harpsichord man. That was good. It was a little flourish.

THIBADEAU: Why not?

COULTON: (Singing) The Rabbi at the bar is a friend of mine. He loaned me his ram's horn before. But I think you'll agree that he shouldn't be getting drunk when it's Yom Kippur.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Colin.

THIBADEAU: (Singing) Sing us a song oh, shofar man.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Shofar man, and his sidekick, atonement boy - all right.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: (Singing) He says Bill well, you look like an '80s band, you've got two instruments mashed into one. We all know you can play synthesizer, the strap 'round your neck makes it fun.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Colin.

THIBADEAU: (Singing) Sing us a song oh, keytar man.

COULTON: Indeed, you are correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: A lot of good people have played the keytar.

COULTON: Yeah, sure. Yeah, if you say so. I wish I had - I think keytars are awesome. I think it's time for the keytar to come back.

EISENBERG: I would love a keytar. Come on, can you play a keytar?

COULTON: No, no.

EISENBERG: Come on.

COULTON: No, I can't. I can't do it.

BROOKS: Is the keytar not just the southern word for a guitar?

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: That's a geetar, that's a geetar.

BROOKS: Sorry, my South Carolina mind just hears that.

COULTON: It's close. (Singing) Now Robbie is a real estate novelist. He plays one of these on the side. And he plucks at the strings, and he sips Darjeelings. In India, he's known far and wide.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Colin.

THIBADEAU: (Singing) Sing us a song oh, sitar man.

COULTON: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Oh, sitar man.

COULTON: Oh, sitar man.

THIBADEAU: I don't - is the "oh" actually in the lyrics in "Piano Man" or am I just making that up?

EISENBERG: No, that's just...

COULTON: That's your own styling.

(LAUGHTER)

THIBADEAU: All right.

COULTON: And I think we should leave it, Colin.

EISENBERG: I do.

COULTON: I'm not even going to tell you how to do it correctly.

THIBADEAU: Are you sure it's not oh, piano man?

EISENBERG: No, I see it as a O' the way you sing it, Colin.

COULTON: O'Piano man, that's an Irish name. Timothy O'Pianoman.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

COULTON: This is your last clue. (Singing) And the waitress is practicing polka dance as the instrument wheezes a tone. Yes, we're all celebrating Oktoberfest with a bellows driven reed aerophone.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Cece.

BROOKS: Something German?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yeah.

COULTON: I think you mean (singing) sing us a song something German? Is that what you mean?

BROOKS: Exactly.

COULTON: That's incorrect, sorry. Colin, do you know what it is?

THIBADEAU: (Singing) Sing us a song oh, accordion man?

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Hello puzzle guru, Art Chung.

ART CHUNG, BYLINE: Hello, Ophira.

EISENBERG: O'phira.

CHUNG: O'phira.

EISENBERG: How did our contestants do?

CHUNG: Congratulations, Colin, you're moving on to our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.