Just Kidding

Transcript

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: From NPR and WNYC, live from the Bell House in beautiful Brooklyn, New York, it's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia, ASK ME ANOTHER. Here is your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Thank you, Jonathan. I hope you are ready for some rants because this week's very important puzzler is the master of that form. You know him from his many appearances on "The Daily Show," from his Comedy Central series and specials, it's standup Lewis Black.

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EISENBERG: I am not a ranter. I do it internally. I fake fight with people all day long in my head. Like, I watch someone do a terrible job, but with utter confidence. And I start fantasizing about our argument where, of course, I have amazing lines. I'm like, really? Yeah, of course you don't know you're incompetent because if you knew that you would be competent at something. But, instead, what comes out is - thanks so much for the yoga class.

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EISENBERG: Please say hello to the man we are always raving about, our one-man house band, Jonathan Coulton.

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COULTON: Hello. I am totally competent by the way. Completely competent.

EISENBERG: You are totally competent.

COULTON: Right? A-OK.

EISENBERG: Yes (laughter). A-OK. Our first game is called Just Kidding. Let's welcome our first two contestants, Denis Illige-Saucier and Ray Kimball.

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EISENBERG: This game is called Just Kidding. Can you tell me about a time in your life that you, perhaps, tried a joke, a gag, didn't go as planned, backfired on you?

RAY KIMBALL: Yes. I was on a video teleconference and thought the mic was muted and made some disparaging comments before the conference about how I hope that the person chairing it wasn't going to put us all to sleep the way he normally did. And the individual in question let me go on like this for about three minutes. And then when he started the teleconference he said, oh, and by the way, we're sending some coffee out to the remote site just so that we can help keep you guys awake.

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EISENBERG: Oh. How about you, Denis?

DENIS ILLIGE-SAUCIER: So I have one joke that I can remember, and it's the classic pirate, red pants - red shirt, brown pants joke which was on "Game Of Thrones" recently. And I had told it the night before at a bar and the friends that I told it to afterwards, I said, oh, did you notice the joke that I told you was on "Game Of Thrones"? And they're like, oh, yes, the joke that he was telling prostitutes. Are you calling us prostitutes? And then I sort of stammered and turned bright red and that was the end of that.

EISENBERG: Yeah. You didn't get those girls, huh?

ILLIGE-SAUCIER: No. Not so much.

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EISENBERG: Some people seem to think that they can say the most sarcastic, mean things about someone as long as they follow it with just kidding. Right? It's like a verbal smiley emoticon. So in this game, we're going to say some sarcastic things about various celebrities and historical figures who just happened to have the initials J K.

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EISENBERG: And all you have to do is ring in, identify the person, and the winner will move on to our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show. Let's give it a shot. This late-night talk show host has a face only a mother could love. Just kidding. Sarah Silverman dated him for years.

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EISENBERG: Denis.

ILLIGE-SAUCIER: Jimmy Kimmel.

EISENBERG: Exactly correct.

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EISENBERG: This actress's voice is like driving on gravel. Just kidding. She's been the voice of Marge Simpson for decades.

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EISENBERG: Ray.

KIMBALL: Julie Kavner.

EISENBERG: Julie Kavner.

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EISENBERG: A national treasure as far as I'm concerned.

KIMBALL: Indeed.

EISENBERG: Yes. Wait until we find out that she - the voice was inspired by the hair.

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EISENBERG: This German astronomer couldn't find Jupiter if it hit him in the asteroids. Just kidding. He figured out that the planets revolve around the Sun in elliptical orbits.

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EISENBERG: Ray.

KIMBALL: Johannes Kepler.

EISENBERG: Johannes Kepler.

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COULTON: Ophira, you said asteroids.

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EISENBERG: This "30 Rock" actress is a real one-note character. Just kidding. She sang lots of notes as Elaine on "Ally McBeal."

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EISENBERG: Denis.

ILLIGE-SAUCIER: Jane Krakowski.

EISENBERG: Jane Krakowski is perfect.

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EISENBERG: I thought maybe we - I was like, oh, we just found out what they do and do not watch.

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EISENBERG: But, no, you proved me wrong. Reading this author's nonfiction books about the outdoors is like breathing thin air. Just kidding. But we don't have time to get into the wild writing techniques he uses.

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EISENBERG: Denis.

ILLIGE-SAUCIER: Jon Krakauer.

EISENBERG: Yes. Exactly.

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EISENBERG: That guy needs to relax. Really he needs to go to, like, into Club Med or something like that. That should be a book.

COULTON: He should just write a book about just going to warm, sunny place and just enjoying yourself and having some cocktails maybe.

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EISENBERG: Right. You'll never guess the name of the lead singer of the band Jamiroquai. Just kidding. It's literally the initials of this game.

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EISENBERG: Ray.

KIMBALL: Jackson Kings.

EISENBERG: I like that idea. But not right. Do you want to steal, Denis?

ILLIGE-SAUCIER: I got nothing.

EISENBERG: OK. What if I said for $10 million name anyone in the band?

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EISENBERG: No?

COULTON: Should we throw it to the audience?

AUDIENCE: J K.

COULTON: J K. Now you know why they call it Jamiroquai. It's much more interesting.

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EISENBERG: This TV personality is a jackass. Just kidding. He's a professional jackass.

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EISENBERG: Denis.

ILLIGE-SAUCIER: Johnny Knoxville.

EISENBERG: Johnny Knoxville. Puzzle guru, Greg Pliska, how did our contestants do?

GREG PLISKA, BYLINE: Denis, you are our winner, and you'll be moving on to Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.