Law And Order: Special Fairy Tale Victims Unit

Transcript

JOHN FLANSBURGH, BYLINE: From NPR and WNYC, live from the Bell House in the borough of Brooklyn, it's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia, ASK ME ANOTHER. Here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

(APPLAUSE)

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Thank you, John. Our VIP is an actor, writer and producer. You've seen him in the films "The Internship" and "Million Dollar Arm." And he's the senior Muslim correspondent on "The Daily Show." I'm talking, of course, about Aasif Mandvi.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: And you can probably guess with a name like Ophira Eisenberg, I'm often referred to as NPR's senior Jewish trivia correspondent. So my goal this show is to find a Christian, grab Aasif and together, we will walk into a bar and finally see what actually happens.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I'll talk to our VIP, Aasif Mandvi, later in the show, but let's get to the games. Our first game is called Law and Order: Special Fairytale Victims Unit. Let's welcome our contestants, Tony Sina and Keely Coffey.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Tony, Keely, welcome.

TONY SINA: Yes.

EISENBERG: I know that you guys are a couple.

SINA: That is correct.

KEELY COFFEY: Yes.

EISENBERG: You are married.

COFFEY: Yes.

SINA: Yes.

EISENBERG: Keely, would you say that your partnership when you found Tony, was it a fairytale-like romance?

COFFEY: No.

EISENBERG: No?

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Tony, how would you answer that question if you hadn't heard Keely say no?

(LAUGHTER)

SINA: Well, I mean, if you consider a bar part of a fairytale, I suppose so, yeah.

EISENBERG: I certainly consider a bar...

FLANSBURGH: Yeah.

SINA: There you go, a lot of magic happening out there.

EISENBERG: That's a - how else are you going to see the fairies?

(LAUGHTER)

SINA: That's a very good point.

EISENBERG: OK, well, this game again is called Law and Order: Special Fairytale Victims Unit, and sitting in for Jonathan Coulton, let's welcome from They Might Be Giants, John Flansburgh.

(APPLAUSE)

FLANSBURGH: In the enchanted forest, fairytale villains are interrogated by the elite Fairytale Victims Unit. These are their stories.

(LAUGHTER)

FLANSBURGH: So we're going to interrogate some very famous fairytale villains and hear their side of the story. You must name the story each bad guy is from based on the clues and the clues alone. If we start mouthing the answers to you, you have to disregard them.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: So ring in when you know the answer and the winner will move on to our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show. The kid thought I was her grandmother. I mean, come on, with these big ears, these big eyes, this big mouth? Not my fault the girl forgot to put in her contact lenses.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Keely.

COFFEY: "Little Red Riding Hood."

EISENBERG: That is right.

COFFEY: OK.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

FLANSBURGH: Oh, ho, ho, sounds like it's 4:20 all day long for this punk. Trades his only cow for magic beans. Right. Steals gold just to score more beans - not on my watch.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Tony.

SINA: Jack from "Jack And The Beanstalk."

FLANSBURGH: Well played.

EISENBERG: Yeah, well, OK. Yeah, sort of. Yeah, I see where you're going. "Jack And The Beanstalk" is what we were looking for.

FLANSBURGH: Oh, ho, ho.

EISENBERG: You got the right answer. He was in the role of the giant.

SINA: Ah, so I don't understand this game then.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Well, the giant was the bad guy.

SINA: OK.

COFFEY: You have to name the fairytale that the villain occurs in.

FLANSBURGH: Just roll with it.

EISENBERG: I'm going to let your wife explain how the game works.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I don't know why I'm here. I was just trying to help the poor girl. I was always told an apple a day keeps the doctor away, and my mirror agrees.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Keely.

COFFEY: "Snow White."

EISENBERG: "Snow White," exactly. Ha ha ha.

(APPLAUSE)

FLANSBURGH: It was a simple business transaction. I gave her gold. She gave me her firstborn child. Gold, firstborn - happens every day. Of course, I didn't tell her my name. Would you?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Keely?

COFFEY: "Rumpelstiltskin."

EISENBERG: "Rumpelstiltskin," exactly.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: You don't know what it's like living alone in the woods. Fine, I eat children, but those kids were eating my house. Oh, and my lawyer is going to fight you on that entrapment charge.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Keely.

COFFEY: "Hansel And Gretel."

EISENBERG: That is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Keely, you are answering these questions, and you're looking at me with boredom on your face...

COFFEY: I'm sorry. It's really not boredom.

EISENBERG: ...Like this is way too easy on you.

COFFEY: I'm just waiting for him to, you know, jump in.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Tony, what's going on?

SINA: I'm having a great time.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I understand everything that's going on. I understand the dynamic. I'm totally on your side. I get what's going on. I know what's going on through your head. Happy, happy. She's like, hey, there's a lot of complicated things going on. Why isn't he answering? Are we playing on the same team? Is he letting me win? Come on, let's play together. And you're like, I'm here.

(LAUGHTER)

FLANSBURGH: Hey, I gave her a chance to object to the plea bargain. It's not my fault she didn't speak up for herself. She doesn't have a leg to stand on. The whole thing sounds a little fishy, if you ask me.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Keely.

COFFEY: "The Little Mermaid."

EISENBERG: "The Little Mermaid," yes.

FLANSBURGH: I was in the character of the sea witch...

EISENBERG: The sea witch.

FLANSBURGH: ...From a movie I have not seen.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: This is your last question. This girl breaks into my house, licks all of our silverware and eats my kids' food. And I'm just standing my ground. Also, I'm a bear.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Tony.

SINA: "Goldilocks And The Three Bears."

EISENBERG: That is correct, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SINA: So the buzzer works.

EISENBERG: The buzzer does work. Let's go to our puzzle guru, Art Chung, to find out how did our contestants do.

ART CHUNG, BYLINE: Well, this happy couple will live happily ever after. But Keely, congratulations. You're moving on to our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.