Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Peter and Amy have three each, and Tom has two.

SAGAL: All right, Tom, you are in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week, after 13 hours of debate, South Carolina voted overwhelmingly to remove blank from the Statehouse grounds.

TOM BODETT: Confederate flag.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, President Obama announced plans to free dozens of federal prisoners convicted on nonviolent blank charges.

BODETT: Drug charges.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Two weeks after being handed a death sentence, the blank bomber filed for a new trial on Monday.

BODETT: The Boston Marathon bomber.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Officials announced Thursday that over 25 million government employees had their personal information blanked.

BODETT: Oh, well, hacked and stolen again.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Experts are warning this week that unless young people get involved, blank will be extinct by 2037.

BODETT: Honest politicians.

SAGAL: No, croquet. I know, first bubblewrap, now this. With a 5-2 win over Japan, the U.S. women's soccer team claimed their first blank since 1999.

BODETT: World Cup.

SAGAL: Yes. USA. USA.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After 50 years, legendary jam band blank played their final show, or so they promised, in Chicago on Sunday.

BODETT: The Dead.

SAGAL: Yes, the Grateful Dead.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, fans of pop singer Ariana Grande...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Were scandalized when TMZ released a video of her blanking.

BODETT: She licked a doughnut and said I hate America.

SAGAL: That's what she did.

BODETT: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Scandals are not what they used to be. Wn a weirdly nondrug- or sex-related pop star scandal, this week TMZ released security footage of pop star Ariana Grande licking the doughnuts on display at a Los Angeles cafe and then putting them back, and they also caught Grande on camera saying that she, quote, "hates America." This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone really. If Ariana Grande was a patriotic American, she would be named Ariana Big.

BODETT: Yeah, and she would've eaten the doughnut.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes.

PETER GROSZ: I bet the guy who bought Queen Victoria's knickers was like, I'll take that doughnut.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. Bill, how Tom do on our quiz?

KURTIS: We got a game going here. Tom got seven write for 14 more points. He has 16 and the lead.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Amy, you have selected to go next. Here we go. Fill in the blank. Experts say that it was a technical glitch and not a cyber attack that caused blank to stop trading for several hours on Wednesday.

AMY DICKINSON: The New York Stock Exchange.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Experts say that it was a technical glitch and not a cyber attack that grounded blank's planes for several hours on Wednesday.

DICKINSON: United.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Experts say that it was a technical glitch and not a cyber attack that caused the website for the blank to go down for several hours on Wednesday.

DICKINSON: The Wall Street Journal.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A woman in South Carolina realize there had been an intruder in her home when she blanked.

DICKINSON: When she came downstairs and there were three bears eating porridge.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. She came into the house, turned on the TV and it was no longer tuned to Fox News. This week, hook-up app blank announced it would add a verified profiles for any celebrities using their service.

DICKINSON: Oh, Tinder.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Florida woman is suing the Miami Marlins...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Baseball team for medical expenses after blank.

DICKINSON: Medical - baseball - does it involve an actual marlin?

SAGAL: I would remind you this is, in fact, a lightning round.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Oh, she was hit - oh, she was hit by lightning? No, that was - Amy, hurry up. She was hit by an actual marlin that hat was out of bounds, a foul marlin.

SAGAL: No, Oddly enough, no, she sued them for medical expenses after their mascot, Bob the Shark pretended to bite her head off.

DICKINSON: That's what I said.

SAGAL: No, you said marlin.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bob the Shark, the mascot of the Marlins, was hyping up the crowd for that night's race, and he came over to the stands and pretended to bite her head off. The woman now says that the injuries sustained from this unprovoked mascot attack led to over $86,000 in medical bills. Lawyers for the Marlins say that the fault actually lies with the woman who provoked the attack by flaunting her Big Gulp of chum.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Amy do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, she got four right for eight more points. Then she took a hard left turn...

DICKINSON: Oh, my God.

KURTIS: ...For a total of 11, and Tom still has the lead.

DICKINSON: Oh.

SAGAL: Well done, Tom. All right, so how many does Peter need to win?

KURTIS: Seven to win.

SAGAL: All right, here we go, Peter. This is for the game. This week, Attorney General rules Loretta Lynch confirmed that blanks would receive federal marriage benefits.

GROSZ: Blanks would - oh, gay couples.

SAGAL: Yes, of course.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Saying that the city needed a change, the mayor of blank fired that city's police commissioner.

GROSZ: Baltimore.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to financial documents released this week, Washington State earned over $70 million in taxes from blank.

GROSZ: Marijuana.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A woman in Ohio was arrested this week after she called 911 to blank.

GROSZ: She was arrested for calling 911 to ask for the number for 911.

SAGAL: No. She was arrested after she called 911 to complain that her Chinese food take-out order, quote, "wasn't up to par."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After two failed attempts, a Russian cargo ship successfully docked with the blank this week.

GROSZ: International Space Station.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Two months after tweeting that he was leaving the show, Harry Shearer announced this week that he'd continue providing voices for blank.

GROSZ: "The Simpsons."

SAGAL: Right. Excellent.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Denmark's biggest music festival...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Announced a new recycling program that would convert the concertgoers blank into blank.

GROSZ: Waste into water.

SAGAL: So close.

GROSZ: Drinking water.

SAGAL: No, it would convert their pee into beer eventually. The organizers of the Rockslide Music Fest have started a new Pee into Pilsner campaign. It will convert festival goers' urine into fertilizer that will be used by local breweries to grow malted barley. Be aware, before you trade in your tickets for this festival, that will not result in drinkable beer until 2017. In the meantime, anyone who was wondering what beer made from human urine tastes like can just order a Coors Light.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Peter do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Peter got five write for 10 more points, total of 13. But he did not catch the Vermont flash, Tom Bodett.

DICKINSON: Whoa.

SAGAL: Tom Bodett.

KURTIS: The winner.

BODETT: Thank you. Thank you very much.

SAGAL: Well done, Tom. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.