Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now it's time to move on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL: Adam Felber has the lead, Peter. He has four points. Neko Case and Alonzo Bodden, they're tied for second. They both have two points.

SAGAL: OK. So we flipped a coin. Neko has elected to go second, so Alonzo you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Dennis Rodman arrived in blank to hang out with his friend Kim Jong Un.

ALONZO BODDEN: North Korea.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Last Friday was the last day in office for Bob Filner, the embattled sexually harassing mayor of blank.

BODDEN: San Diego.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Microsoft announced on Monday that it is buying blank's line of smartphones.

BODDEN: Nokia.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Lufthansa flight was forced to make an emergency landing this week when passengers started complaining about blank.

BODDEN: The smell?

SAGAL: Yeah, the smelly carpets.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After a 12-week break, on Thursday blank returned to "The Daily Show."

BODDEN: Jon Stewart.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Jennifer Lopez, Harry Connick Jr. and Keith Urban were announced as the new judges on the reality show blank.

BODDEN: American Idol.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A landlord who rents to college students in Wales...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...says he spends thousands of dollars replacing hundreds of mattresses ruined by blank.

BODDEN: Ooh.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: Let me whisper it in his ear.

SAGAL: Go whisper in his ear.

FELBER: Bronzer, artificial tan.

BODDEN: Artificial tan?

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: How would a black man know that?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're right. But Adam was correct. The answer was basically bronzer, fake tanning cream. The landlord was mystified when he found a person-shaped orange stain soaked in to the mattress of a bed in his apartment building. He thought...

FELBER: It's known as the shroud of Boehner.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Alonzo do on our quiz?

KASELL: Six correct answers, 12 more points. He now has 14 points and Alonzo has the lead.

SAGAL: All right, very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Neko, you're up next. You ready?

NEKO CASE: Hmm.

SAGAL: Let's do this.

CASE: Yeah.

SAGAL: I recommend for you a stream of consciousness approach.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Not for your benefit so much as for ours. But really...

CASE: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...whatever works. Here we go. Fill in the blank, Neko. On Wednesday, the Department of Veterans Affairs announced it would begin extending spousal benefits to blank couples.

CASE: Gay couples.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: California prison officials announced Thursday that their inmates' 60-day blank had ended.

(LAUGHTER)

CASE: Lent?

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hunger strike. The supermarket chain Aldi has confirmed that there is horsemeat in its beef products, but no more than blank percent.

CASE: Five percent?

SAGAL: One-hundred percent...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...in some cases. After the 2016 Olympics in Rio, champion sprinter blank announced that he will retire.

CASE: I think the last time I watched the Olympics, the Olympics sprinter was...

SAGAL: Jesse Owens?

CASE: No. No.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Can I whisper in her ear?

CASE: Yes.

BODDEN: Usain Bolt.

CASE: Usain Bolt.

SAGAL: Yes, Usain Bolt.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the search engine blank revealed its first new logo in 18 years, which looks remarkably like its old logo.

CASE: Google?

SAGAL: No, Yahoo. A man's plan to smuggle live fish...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...into New Zealand failed miserably when officials noticed he had blank.

CASE: (Bleep).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Wet pants. They noticed he was smuggling fish because he had wet pants. If you're going to try to smuggle live fish, do not put them in your pants. The man had successfully stuffed his pants with plastic bags filled with water and fish. Things were going fine until he sprang a leak.

CASE: He should've got a stadium buddy for his fish.

SAGAL: Yeah, he should've, exactly. Officials were quick to catch on, with one perceptive official saying, quote, "This appears to be a deliberate attempt to smuggle fish into the country."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Neko do on our show?

KASELL: She had two more correct answers...

(LAUGHTER)

KASELL: ...for four more points. She now has six points and second place.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's awesome.

CASE: Otherwise known as last place.

SAGAL: Got to start somewhere. And how many does Adam need to win?

KASELL: Six points to win.

SAGAL: All right. Here we go, Adam, this is for the game. In a speech Wednesday, Bill Clinton urged uninsured Americans to sign up for blank.

FELBER: Health care.

SAGAL: Well yeah, Obamacare.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Chobani announced it was recalling some of its blank because of mold and customer illnesses.

FELBER: Yogurt.

SAGAL: Yes, Greek yogurt.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The New England Patriots this week released beloved, but not very good, quarterback blank.

FELBER: Tebow, Tim Tebow.

SAGAL: Yeah, Tim Tebow.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Residents of Sweden were warned to be careful after a man was threatened in his own yard by a blank.

FELBER: Goose.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Gang of drunken moose.

FELBER: Oh, sure.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, John McCain said that Vladimir Putin needs to return New England Patriot Owner Robert Kraft's blank.

FELBER: Super Bowl ring.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: PBS fans were thrilled at the announcement that blank the science guy, will compete on this season's "Dancing with the Stars."

FELBER: Bill Nye.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Just weeks after Alex Rodriguez was suspended from baseball...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...for using performance-enhancing drugs, he has appealed, Cleveland Indians pitcher Chris Perez was fined for blanking.

FELBER: Spitting.

SAGAL: No. For mailing marijuana to his dog.

FELBER: Oh, right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHER)

SAGAL: The package contained nine ounces of marijuana and was addressed to Brodie the Dog, who amazingly is smart enough to read his own name on mail.

FELBER: I thought the pitcher's explanation was great.

SAGAL: What did he say?

FELBER: What can I do? The dog's got a problem.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No word if it was a drug-sniffing dog that detected the weed in the package, but if it was, not cool, man. Not cool.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, did Adam do well enough to win?

KASELL: He needed six correct answers to win, he had just five correct answers. So at 16 points, Alonzo Bodden is this week's champion.

SAGAL: Wow, well done.

(APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: All right.

SAGAL: In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, after swimming from Cuba to Florida, what will Diana Nyad surprisingly cough up?

(LAUGHTER) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.