Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players now has 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can; each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Mo and Alonzo each have three and Jessi has two.

SAGAL: Well, Jessi, you are in third place. That means that you go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Please fill in the blank.

JESSI KLEIN: Okay.

SAGAL: After a contentious confirmation battle, on Wednesday blank was sworn in as the new Defense Secretary.

KLEIN: Hagel.

SAGAL: Yes, Chuck Hagel.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, the U.S. announced that it would provide an additional $60 million to rebel forces fighting in blank.

KLEIN: Syria.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, the House voted to pass the reauthorization of the blank against blank act.

KLEIN: Violence Against Women.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A nonprofit foundation announced this week it's looking for a married couple to send on a mission to blank.

KLEIN: Mars.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Denver Airport Authority is working on ways to protect cars parked in airport lots from being blanked.

KLEIN: Stolen.

SAGAL: No, eaten by rabbits.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Raul Castro said last Sunday that in five years, he will step down from his position as president of blank.

KLEIN: Cuba. Sorry.

SAGAL: Yeah, Cuba.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After repeatedly requesting a witness statement from a police dog, a British prosecutor got back an official document with the words blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

KLEIN: Woof.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The statement said, "I chase him. I bite him. Bad man. He tasty."

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Well, obviously.

SAGAL: So, prosecutors in Britain were repeatedly asking for a witness statement from Officer PD Peach of the Metropolitan Police, even after officers wrote in to explain that PD Peach was a police dog. So, getting tired of the harassment, they submitted this statement, signed with a paw print: "I chase him. I bite him. Bad man. He tasty. Good boy. Good boy Peach."

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jessi do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She got five right. That gives her ten more points. So she's in the lead with 12.

SAGAL: All right, very well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We have flipped a coin and Alonzo has elected to go second. So, fill in the blank, Alonzo. This week the Supreme Court heard arguments challenging a key provision of the blank act.

ALONZO BODDEN: Voting Rights.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After his performance came under criticism this week, Oscar host blank said he would not host the show again.

BODDEN: Seth MacFarlane.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday the - on Monday, the former Surgeon General blank died in New Hampshire at age 96.

BODDEN: Koop.

SAGAL: Yes, C. Everett Koop.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man named Amos Shuchman's obituary in the New York Times mentioned he quote loved everything about New York except blank.

BODDEN: New Yorkers.

SAGAL: No, except the New York Times.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: DC Comics announced this week that it plans to kill off sidekick blank in the number 8 issue of the Batman Incorporated series.

Robin.

SAGAL: Yes, Robin the Boy Wonder.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Two thieves in San Diego who broke into a Hooters to steal their ATM were foiled when they blanked.

BODDEN: Were distracted.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Whoa, look at that. When they stole the jukebox instead.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It was dark in the restaurant, to be fair, maybe there were some ATMs out there that have multicolored lights and play Johnny Cash.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The suspects were caught on security cameras as they smashed the glass door with their truck, hefted the jukebox into the truck, and then stopped to marvel at the enormous coins that the ATM seemed to display. They were so big and shiny. Bill, how did Alonzo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He did well. He got four right; eight more points. You have 11, but Jessi is still in the lead.

SAGAL: All right, so how many then does Mo need to win?

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Five to win for the Mo.

SAGAL: The Mo.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: He's got mo, I feel it.

SAGAL: The Mo has the big mo.

MO ROCCA: Great, okay.

SAGAL: Here we go, Mo, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. The Senate Judiciary committee heard emotional testimony this week regarding a proposed ban on blank.

ROCCA: Assault weapons.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yahoo CEO Marissa Meyer caused controversy this week by announcing that Yahoo employees could no longer blank.

ROCCA: Telecommute.

SAGAL: Yes, work from home.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, President Obama urged the Supreme Court to overturn Proposition 8, which bans blank in California.

ROCCA: Same-sex marriage.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On the third day of his visit, Dennis Rodman told the leader of blank that he had a friend for life.

ROCCA: The third day of his visit, Dennis Rodman told a foreign leader.

SAGAL: Yes, which foreign leader? The foreign leader of what country?

ROCCA: It's a foreign leader of a country that would make us go "my god, how scandalous."

SAGAL: Yes.

ROCCA: Hugo Chavez.

SAGAL: No, it was North Korea.

ROCCA: Oh. Oh wow, that's bad.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A warehouse worker in England who punched his boss was apparently overstressed from his job blanking.

ROCCA: At the warehouse. His job - his warehouse - oh, he punched his boss because he was stressed about his job punching things.

SAGAL: No. He was stressed from his job packing stress balls into boxes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In an interview with Wolf Blitzer Wednesday, Bob Woodward said that the blank had threatened him over his reporting on the sequester.

ROCCA: The Obama administration.

SAGAL: Yeah, the White House.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Boeing apologized to Japan's leading airlines for the grounding of the blank.

ROCCA: The 7 - 7.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: How about its nickname? What's it called?

ROCCA: The super fly jet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Dreamliner.

ROCCA: The Dreamliner.

SAGAL: A Florida woman is doing just fine after being shot this week by her friend's blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

ROCCA: By her friend's - god, it's Florida, so it has to be a toucan.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It was her friend's oven.

ROCCA: Damn.

SAGAL: The woman's friend was storing his bullets in the oven, something he forgot to mention when the subject of waffles came up. And when the oven heated up, it opened fire.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But I want you to remember, people, before you jump to conclusions and start passing laws, the only thing that can stop a bad oven with a gun is a good oven with a gun.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, did Mo do well enough to win?

KURTIS: No.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: What you're supposed to say, to build the suspense is he needed five correct answers, but he only had four, so the winner this week is Jessi Klein.

KURTIS: That's right. Jessi.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.