Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Adam has three and Paula and Roy each have two.

SAGAL: All right. We have flipped a coin and Roy has elected to go first, so here you go Roy. The clock will start when I begin your first question.

Fill in the blank, at an emergency meeting of the U.N. Security Coucil, the U.S. claimed that Russia lied about its military activity in blank?

ROY BLOUNT JR.: Ukraine.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, U.S. officials announced the first human trial of an experimental blank vaccine.

BLOUNT: Ebola.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The sister of the surviving Boston Marathon bombing suspect was arrested this week for blank.

BLOUNT: Threatening to bomb someone.

SAGAL: Indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Police in Pennsylvania have confirmed they evacuated a local Whole Foods because of a blank?

BLOUNT: A partial food that was found?

SAGAL: No, no.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That would be a threat to Whole Foods. A quote, "a suspicious accordion left nearby." For the first time in its history, the blank index rose above 2,000?

BLOUNT: The Standard & Poor's 500.

SAGAL: Indeed. S&P.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: "Breaking Bad" and "Modern Family" were the big winners of this week's blank awards?

BLOUNT: Emmys.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man in Britain accused of indecent exposure said he couldn't possibly have done it because blank?

BLOUNT: (Laughter) Because he - his private parts are thoroughly decent.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: No.

SAGAL: You're close. He says he couldn't have done it because he's not well-endowed enough.

BLOUNT: Oh.

SAGAL: The man is specifically accused of walking around wearing shorts that were so short that his - that he was exposing himself to the world, if you will. But he claims his tiny - his miniature equipment is not sizable enough to extend that far. And this is even better - his wife took the stand to defend - to testify to this very fact. And she was up there, she was saying no way. Absolutely not. Couldn't have happened.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Roy Blount do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Roy got five right. Ten more points and he now has 12 points and the lead.

SAGAL: Excellent, excellent. Well done, Roy. All right, Paula. You're up next Paula.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: That's formidable.

SAGAL: You're up next. Fill in the blank.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: This week, Israel and Gaza celebrated the creation of a new, long-term blank agreement.

POUNDSTONE: Ceasefire.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The U.S. government is investigation reports that a second American has been killed while fighting for blank in Syria.

POUNDSTONE: ISIS.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Apple announced an event where it's speculated they will unveil their new blank.

POUNDSTONE: iPhone 6.

SAGAL: Yeah, that's what they're thinking.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A British man is recovering after feeling the scene of a burglary and accidentally hiding in a blank?

POUNDSTONE: A vending machine?

SAGAL: A wasps' nest. After she stopped breathing during surgery, comedian blank was hospitalized in New York.

POUNDSTONE: Joan Rivers.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After nine years and about 9,000 adopted kids, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally blanked.

POUNDSTONE: They got married.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: China's plan to live broadcast a panda birth had to be canceled when it was discovered the expectant mother was blanking.

POUNDSTONE: She was faking it.

SAGAL: She was faking the pregnancy to get better treatment.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This panda had all the classic signs of pregnancy - morning sickness, snapping at her mate, and she gave up her normal diet and started eating exclusively Baby Gap catalogs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But now experts are saying that the panda was consciously faking its pregnancy in order to get better food and a cushier pen.

POUNDSTONE: I think that's so crazy. If a panda is that clever, I say how do they know it's a panda?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You think it could be a person in a panda suit?

POUNDSTONE: I think - that's ridiculous that a panda would fake. How does it even know that you get good stuff? It's a long ways around to pretend to be pregnant.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: It was - she was getting more bamboo, right? She could go to Pier 1.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: She could get throw pillows as well.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Paula got six right for 12 more points. She now has 14 and the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, then. So how many than does Adam Felber - our most winningest panelist over the years - how much does he need to win this time?

KURTIS: Adam needs six.

SAGAL: Here we go. Adam, this is for the game. Fill in the blank - Canadian donut chain Tim Hortons was purchased by fast food giant blank for $11 billion.

ADAM FELBER: Burger King.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Despite not having a successor, Hamid Karzai announced he would step down as president of blank as...

FELBER: Afghanistan.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In wake of the protests in Ferguson, President Obama ordered a review of federal programs that send blanks to police departments.

FELBER: Military equipment.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: New York governor Andrew Cuomo said regulators will investigate what caused Time Warner Cable's massive blank outage on Wednesday.

FELBER: Internet.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Repairs are being scheduled after road workers in Britain painted blank on the street at a bus stop.

FELBER: Median lines.

SAGAL: No, they painted the words bup stop.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Investigators are saying a failed cell-phone call may offer some clues to the location of the famous missing blank flight.

FELBER: Malaysian air flight.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: People are flocking to a new store in Kosovo, which sells clothes based on the distinct personal style of blank.

FELBER: Hamid Karzai.

SAGAL: No. Hillary Clinton. A landlord in London has been fined for renting out an apartment that is blank.

FELBER: Already occupied.

SAGAL: No. It is a nice apartment and it's inexpensive, but it is only accessible by crawling through a hole in the attic.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The top floor apartment was being rented for just $700 a month - that's a fantastic deal in London - but to enter the unit, the couple who lived there had to crawl through a hole above the stairs that was just two feet by three feet in size. Imagine if you were a single guy and you lived there. Hey, babe, want to climb back to my place?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Adam do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, he got five right and he got ten more points, but not enough to win. He got 13. Paula is the winner.

(APPLAUSE)

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