Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to the final game Lighting Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Paula and Luke each have two, and Maz has three.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: OK, Maz. You're in first place. We flipped a coin to take the to break the. Luke is going to go first. Here we go, Luke. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. From one of the biggest IPOs in history, Chinese ecommerce giant blank raised $21.8 billion.

LUKE BURBANK: Alibaba.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. Home Depot has confirmed that hackers have compromised over 56 million blanks used at the store.

BURBANK: Credit cards.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. Officials in California have arrested a man on arson charges related to the blanks raging in California.

BURBANK: Wildfires.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. A Canadian man swears by the authenticity of the jar of blank he is selling on Craigslist.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Rob Ford's chest hair.

SAGAL: So close. Kevin Spacey's breath. Nerds rejoiced on Friday as the new blank went on sale.

BURBANK: IPhone.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. The Royal and Ancient Golf Club in Scotland voted overwhelmingly to start admitting blank.

BURBANK: Women.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. When the walnut bread a British man ordered from his grocery store...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Was out of stock, the supermarket's online ordering system automatically replaced it with a blank.

BURBANK: Walnut tree.

SAGAL: No. With a whole octopus.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: That was my second guess.

SAGAL: Right.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: So on the tip of your tongue.

SAGAL: So Tesco, the big market chain in Britain, has an online ordering system. It's like Peapod here. And if you order something it doesn't have, it automatically replaces it with something similar. But the man was dismayed when instead of getting his delicious walnut bread, his delivery driver handed him a whole, unwrapped octopus.

(LAUGHTER)

MAZ JOBRANI: Octopus and jam is delicious.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah. Bill, how did Luke do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Luke got five right for 10 more points. He now has 12 points and the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Paula, you are up next. Fill in the blank.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: On Thursday, police in Australia and announced they had thwarted a terrorism plot planned by blank.

POUNDSTONE: ISIS.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. Saying you can't win a war with blankets, President Petro Poroshenko asked Congress for military aid in blank.

POUNDSTONE: Ukraine.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. President Obama vowed to send 3,000 troops to help contain the blank outbreak in West Africa.

POUNDSTONE: Ebola.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. Vice President Joe Biden sparked talk of a 2016 presidential run when he visited blank just after Hillary Clinton did.

POUNDSTONE: Iowa.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. A woman is suing McDonalds after she bit into a blank while eating her french fries.

POUNDSTONE: Octopus.

SAGAL: No. She bit into an employees' name tag.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: What's worse is there's an employee walking around who no one knew.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week, the CDC released a report saying that fewer than half of the U.S. get blank shots.

POUNDSTONE: Flu.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. Facebook's auto-fill feature...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Came under scrutiny this week when it discovered that grandmas around the world were blanking.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Posting naked pictures of themselves.

SAGAL: No. They were accidentally tagging themselves as Grandmaster Flash.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We've all used Facebook. You know you start typing your name, it will helpfully suggest a name and complete it for you. All these grandmas were starting to write grandma, and Facebook would auto-complete it to Grandmaster Flash.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So they were sending messages like happy birthday dear granddaughter, love grandpa and Grandmaster Flash.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Congratulations on your wedding. Now when are you going to make me a Grandmaster Flash?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She got five right for 10 more points, which means she has 12 points. She is now tied with Luke for the lead.

POUNDSTONE: Oh boy.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. How many then does Maz need to win this week?

KURTIS: He needs five to win.

SAGAL: All right, Maz, here we go. This is for the game. On Wednesday, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs said that he would support sending blanks if necessary to fight ISIS.

JOBRANI: Troops.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. Ground troops. According to a new report, sanctions from the U.S. and EU were having huge effects on blanks economy.

JOBRANI: Russia.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. After revealing he had a rare form of cancer, Rob Ford dropped out of mayoral race in blank.

JOBRANI: Toronto.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. According to the National Climate Data Center, the summer of 2014 was the Earth's blank-est.

JOBRANI: Hottest.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. North Korea has, quote, "the world's most advantageous human rights system," according to an extensive new report offered by blank.

JOBRANI: North Korea.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A candidate for local office in New Jersey withdrew from the race after it was revealed he had blanked at a diner.

JOBRANI: Smoked marijuana.

SAGAL: No. After he had shouted insults at the customers while mooning them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Former cast member Darrell Hammond has announced that he will replace the late Don Pardo as the announcer on blank.

JOBRANI: "Saturday Night Live."

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Right. On Sunday, and Idaho teenager crashed his SUV...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...When one of his passengers blanked.

JOBRANI: Crashed his SUV when one of his passengers got naked and said look at me.

SAGAL: No. When one of his passengers reached over and set the driver's armpit hair on fire.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The driver says that he and the armpit arsonist are still friends, but this'll be the last time that he wears WD40 brand spray-on deodorant.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: And they are voting now Scotland.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes. Bill, did Maz do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, he got six right for 12 more points. So with 15, he wins this week.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists now that Scotland has been resolved, what will be the next likely move for independence. But first, let me tell you that support for NPR comes from NPR stations. And Progressive Insurance with its Apron Project, celebrating progress and the people who make it happen. Source America, researching and developing customized employment options for people with significant disabilities, sourceamerica.org. And Carmax, offering more than 35,000 used cars and trucks online and in stores from coast to coast. Learn more at carmax.com. WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.