Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

It's time for our final game, "Lighting Fill In The Blank." Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can, each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Roxanne and Alonzo each have three. Maz has two.

SAGAL: All right, Maz. You're in third place; you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question, fill in the blank. Countering reports that he had been injured in the airstrike, the leader of blank released another call to arms on Thursday?

MAZ JOBRANI: ISIS.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: George W. Bush told "Face The Nation" that there was a 50-50 chance that blank would run for president.

JOBRANI: His brother.

SAGAL: Jeb.

JOBRANI: Jeb.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Facebook and Google announced new campaigns to help combat the spread of blank in Africa?

JOBRANI: Ebola.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration reported that four of their websites had been blanked?

JOBRANI: Hacked.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The British National Party forgot to tweet about blank until a day later?

JOBRANI: About their party.

SAGAL: No, they forgot to tweet about Remembrance Day.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week, Warren Buffett announced plans to purchase the blank battery company for $4.7 billion.

JOBRANI: Duracell.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An appeals court in Italy overturned the manslaughter convictions of six scientists who failed to predict a deadly blank?

JOBRANI: Earthquake.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

JOBRANI: The notably conservative and anti-gay stars of A&E's "Duck Dynasty" announced this week that their newest project will be blank?

JOBRANI: Gay.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're almost right, but you need to be more specific. Their newest project will be a "Duck Dynasty" musical based in Las Vegas.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The family's patriarch Phil Robertson told the New York Times that they're putting together a Las Vegas musical review because nothing says I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman quite like doing jazz hands while wearing bright orange hunting pasties.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Maz do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He got six right for 12 more points. He has 14 and the lead.

SAGAL: Well done, Maz. That was a very strong showing.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: It was.

(APPLAUSE)

ROBERTS: It's good.

SAGAL: All right. We have flipped a coin. Roxanne has elected to go last, so Alonzo, you're up.

ALONZO BODDEN: Can I just go on record saying I'm afraid to beat Roxanne?

SAGAL: You should be.

ROBERTS: No, no.

SAGAL: I think that's wise. Nobody...

ROBERTS: I'm feeling generous. It's almost, you know, approaching Thanksgiving.

JOBRANI: She's got a sharp pen in her hand, buddy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here we go, Alonso, fill in the blank. NATO officials reported that Russian tanks crossed the border into blank on Wednesday?

BODDEN: Ukraine.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Courts in Kansas and South Carolina ruled in favor of issuing marriage licenses to blank?

BODDEN: Gay people.

SAGAL: Yeah, same-sex couples.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Hachette publishing and Amazon announced they had settled a dispute over the pricing of blank?

BODDEN: E-books?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODDEN: A man in Washington was busted for robbery when he mistook a blank for his getaway car?

BODDEN: Police car.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: When Buddy Valastro, star of TLC's the "Cake Boss," was pulled over for drunken driving in New York City, he told police blank?

BODDEN: He was on his way to bake something?

SAGAL: No, he said you can't arrest me. I'm the cake boss.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Hilarious.

SAGAL: Animal Control offices in Paris were dispatched after a woman spotted a blanket a blank in a supermarket parking lot?

BODDEN: A deer?

SAGAL: No, a tiger, French tiger. He eats all these people who eat butter, yet he stays so thin.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Police in Norway responding to emergency calls about screams coming from an apartment raided the building and found blank?

BODDEN: A brothel?

SAGAL: No. They found a man upset that his computer just beat him at chess. Norwegian police had received several reports of screams coming from an apartment building in Oslo and they sent a patrol car to investigate. When they arrived, police found that the screams were coming from a man alone yelling at his computer for beating him at a game of chess. As per the man's demands, they arrested the computer and charged it with showing off.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Hey Peter?

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: Next time I'm on, can you come up with some more obscure questions to ask me as, you know, tigers and chess games? What are you giggling about? You got ISIS. How hard is that?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Come on.

SAGAL: Well, Alonzo doesn't think he did very well. How well did he do?

KURTIS: Well, he did pretty well - four right, eight more points. He got 11 points, but that means Maz is still in the lead with 14.

SAGAL: Even though I know Roxanne knows, would you tell the rest of us how many she needs to win?

KURTIS: Six.

SAGAL: Six. Here we go.

KURTIS: Six to win.

SAGAL: This is for the game, fill in the black. Senators said that they could vote approving the blank pipeline as early as Tuesday?

ROBERTS: Keystone

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Emergency crews had to rescue two window washers dangling from scaffolding on the 68th floor of the blank?

ROBERTS: Of the new World Trade tower.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: One World Trade Center. In a nonbinding referendum, a majority of Catalan citizens voted for independence from blank?

ROBERTS: From Spain.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, President George W. Bush referred to President Bill Clinton as his blank?

ROBERTS: As his son.

SAGAL: No, as his brother from another mother.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to a new study, the worst day for traffic in Los Angeles is blank?

ROBERTS: The worst day...

SAGAL: For traffic...

ROBERTS: Every day.

SAGAL: You're so close, but it's Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After receiving dozens of emergency calls this season, first responders are urging citizens to avoid calling 911 if they blank?

ROBERTS: If they get lost in a corn maze.

SAGAL: You're so good, Roxanne, that's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Corn mazes are growing in popularity, so they're getting bigger, they're staying open later. That means more and more people are going into them drunk. And in their panic, they're calling 911 for help when they get lost. In the end, this is really just payback for the corn, which is forced to go through a person maze every single time you eat it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Roxanne do well enough to win?

KURTIS: She got four right for 8 more points. A total of 11, which means Maz is the champion this week, 14.

JOBRANI: Stab me.

(APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: So Maz, did you know there was a tiger in a French parking lot?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict what the European space probe will discover on that far-off comet. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.