Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now it's time to move on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Roxanne and Luke each have two. Ophira has four.

OPHIRA EISENBERG, BYLINE: Whoa.

SAGAL: Whoa. We flipped a coin. Luke has elected to go second so, Roxanne, that means you're up first. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, an Ohio man was arrested and charged with planning an attack on the blank.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: U.S. capital.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In a fulfillment of promises he made in December, President Obama announced that the U.S. would begin loosening its travel restrictions on blank.

ROBERTS: Cuba.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, ISIS hackers briefly took over the U.S. Central Command's blank.

ROBERTS: Their Twitter account.

SAGAL: Indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a report from the Labor Department, there are now more blanks available in the U.S. than at any time since 2001.

ROBERTS: Jobs.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Florida driver threw a bag of cocaine out of his sunroof was busted anyway because it blanked.

ROBERTS: Because the police picked it up and it didn't splatter all over.

SAGAL: Well, you're close, but not quite. Because it landed gently on the hood of the police car that was chasing him.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "The Grand Budapest Hotel" and "Birdman" led the nominations for the 2015 blank awards.

ROBERTS: Academy Awards.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Thousands of people flooded the streets of Columbus to celebrate blank's championship win over the University of Oregon.

ROBERTS: Ohio State.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Minnesota police officer suspected a woman...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Had been drinking after she told him that her address was blank.

ROBERTS: 1600 Pennsylvania drunk Avenue.

SAGAL: No. So close. She said my address is 21780 I'm drunk.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The officer's first clue that the woman may have been under the influence came when he noticed that she was parked in his driveway.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: When he asked her how much she'd had to drink that night, she told him probably a lot and then proceeded to say that her address was 21780 I'm drunk.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: She sounds like a blast.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Roxanne do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She got six right for 12 more points. She now has 14 points and the lead.

SAGAL: That was Roxanne-a-rific, Roxanne.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next up, Mr. Luke Burbank. Here we go, Luke. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the first post-attack issue of blank sold out within minutes of being released.

BURBANK: Charlie Hebdo.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A federal judge ruled Thursday that Michigan must recognize the 300 blanks it performed last year.

BURBANK: Gay marriages.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A newly elected councilman in Virginia blanked just in time to take the oath of office.

BURBANK: Turned 18.

SAGAL: No, got out of jail.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Health officials in California have reported that Disneyland was ground zero for a recent outbreak of blank.

BURBANK: Awesomeness.

SAGAL: Measles.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Heisman trophy winner Marcus Mariota announced he plans to forgo his final year of college and enter the blank.

BURBANK: NFL.

SAGAL: Right. The draft.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: And engineer for India's Public Works Department...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Was fired after he failed to blank.

BURBANK: After he failed to dig a tunnel to Pakistan.

SAGAL: No. He was fired after he failed to show up to work for 24 years.

BURBANK: 'Cause of the tunnel.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: the engineer began taking paid leave in 1990, and when he didn't return for two years, the Public Works Department started an investigation, which took 15 years for investigators to conclude that, yeah, looks this guy is not showing up for work. And after that, it took another seven quick years for them to decide to fire the employee. The head of the department says he is taking the matter seriously and has told the engineer that his desk had to be cleaned out by 2035.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Luke do on our quiz?

BURBANK: Save it, Kurtis.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: I'm sorry to report Luke got three right, six more points. That gives him eight total, but Roxanne still has the lead at 14.

SAGAL: So here's the math problem we give you every week, Bill, how many does Ophira need?

KURTIS: Five to tie, Ohpira, six to win.

EISENBERG: All right.

SAGAL: Here we go, Ophira. This is or the game. Fill in the blank.

EISENBERG: Yes.

SAGAL: According to a new report from the U.S. Treasury, the federal blank is now the smallest it has been since 2007.

EISENBERG: The debt is low.

SAGAL: The deficit. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Yes. Thank you.

SAGAL: The National Transit Safety Board announced it would be investigating an electrical malfunction that forced the evacuation of a subway station in blank.

EISENBERG: Washington, D.C.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Pinellas County Sheriff's Office was forced to replace a rug in their entrance area after noticing the official seal printed on it said blank.

EISENBERG: In dog we trust.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Amazon announced this week that blank would be creating a new show for their streaming video service.

EISENBERG: YouTube.

SAGAL: Woody Allen would be creating a new show.

EISENBERG: What? That's amazing.

SAGAL: A government...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: .A government-run charity event in Malaysia was criticized...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...When instead of cash, it gave homeless people blank instead.

EISENBERG: Doll heads.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's both wrong and creepy. It gave the homeless people household appliances.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The annual charity event, which is held by the Ministry of Federal Territories, invited over 2,000 homeless people to come by and collect coffee makers, electric whisks and ovens. The minister admits that this may have been a mistake and says that next year they'll strive to give the homeless population something more useful like a nice set of curtains.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill...

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Well, she got three right.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

KURTIS: Six more points for a total of 10.

EISENBERG: See.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Four short of Roxanne, who has 15 and is this week's champion.

SAGAL: Well done, Roxanne.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists after they botched the Paris peace march, what will be the next mistake the White House admits to? Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.