Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: You know, this is historic. We have a three-way tie. Everybody has three points.

SAGAL: Oh, my goodness.

(APPLAUSE)

ADAM FELBER: Get out that three-sided coin.

SAGAL: So we have randomly selected Adam to go first. So, Adam, the clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the FCC voted in favor of treating the blank like a public utility.

FELBER: Interwebs.

SAGAL: Yes, the Internet.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Secretary of Defense Ash Carter suggested that the U.S. may have to slow its troop withdrawal from blank.

FELBER: Afghanistan.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, three journalists from Al Jazeera were arrested for flying blanks over Paris.

FELBER: Drones.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An Italian clothing manufacturer has apologized for including blank printed on the washing instructions on their clothes.

FELBER: Get your mom to wash it. It's her job.

SAGAL: That's exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After he criticized students from Penn State on Twitter, ESPN announced that they were suspending talk show host blank.

FELBER: Keith Olbermann.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Though he started the race in pole position, retiring NASCAR driver blank ended his final Daytona 500 in 33rd Place.

FELBER: Jeff Gordon.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After weeks of harsh winter weather, the official tourism website...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Of Ithaca New York changed their homepage to read blank.

FELBER: Visit sunny Florida or something like that.

SAGAL: That's what they said. They said that's it, we surrender. Go to Florida instead.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The tourism board of Ithaca has given up. They posted pictures of Key West and links to information about Florida vacations. When asked if they were nervous that the stunt may lead to a drop in tourism in Ithaca, the board responded ,what the hell do we care? We're in Boca til April.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Adam do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He's another historic performance here. He got seven right, 14 more points, 17 and the lead.

SAGAL: Very well done.

BRIAN BABYLON: That was lights out.

SAGAL: That was very good.

BABYLON: That was lights out.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Ophira, you are up next. On Tuesday, President Obama vetoed legislation approving blank.

OPHIRA EISENBERG, BYLINE: Vetoed the Keystone.

SAGAL: Pipeline, yes.

EISENBERG: Pipeline.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Ukrainian military began to remove heavy artillery from its boarders as its cease-fire with blank began to take hold.

EISENBERG: Russia.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A train station employee in Chicago was forced to call police to ask for help freeing a blank.

EISENBERG: Asian gerbil.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A candy bar that got stuck in a vending machine.

EISENBERG: Oh, it's the same.

SAGAL: It was a Kit Kat. "Birdman" and "The Grand Budapest Hotel" were among the big winners at this year's blank awards.

EISENBERG: Oscars.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After serving a one-year suspension for using performance-enhancing drugs, blank reported to Yankees' spring training camp this week.

EISENBERG: A-Rod.

SAGAL: Indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Two Florida men, who stole construction equipment...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...From their workplace were later caught when they blanked.

EISENBERG: I don't know. Got drunk and took photos of it found on Instagram.

SAGAL: No. When they accidentally butt-dialed their office while talking about the crime.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The two men had just stolen some industrial saws from their employer when one of them accidentally butt-dialed the office while discussing how and where to sell the stolen goods. Men were arrested hours later and face up to five years in prison. The butt that made the call, though, however managed to negotiate a plea deal and got off with just community service. Observers scoffed. It was really just a spanking.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Ophira do?

KURTIS: Ophira got four right for eight more points. She has a total of 11. But Adam, still has the lead.

SAGAL: OK.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Ok, so if my calculations are correct, Bill, since they all started from the same place going into this round, Brian needs to get seven to tie and eight to win. Is that right?

KURTIS: You're right on the dot.

SAGAL: There we go. All right. Here we go, Brian. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. After a judge ruled that they had violated patent rights, blank was ordered to pay Texas Tech company over $530 million in damages.

BABYLON: Oh, Apple.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Alaska became the third state to legalize recreational blank.

BABYLON: Weed.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the UK apologized for their new Krispy Kreme Klub promotion, which they called blank.

BABYLON: Not cool.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Oh, I'm sorry, not cool.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, they called it KKK Wednesdays.

BABYLON: Damn that's funny.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The TV network E! announced that they have offered the blanks a four-year contract worth over $100 million.

BABYLON: Oh, Kim K. and the Kardashians.

SAGAL: You bet.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Friday, Chicago Bulls star point guard blank underwent surgery for a knee injury.

BABYLON: Derrick Rose.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An HR executive in London, who was pushed and cursed at by a stranger on his way to work...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Got his revenge when the man who shoved him blank.

BABYLON: Got that Krispy Kreme.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: When the man who shoved and cursed at him showed up at his office for a job interview.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So this guy, his name is Matt Buckland, he's on the train - on the tube waiting for people to exit so he can walk when some guy behind him gives him a shove and says get the blank out of the way you blankity, blank, blank, blank. Very rude. So Buckland's mad, but, you know, it's life in the big city. He goes into his office, and who should walk into his office looking for a job interview but that same guy. Wasn't the best interview for the guy. Buckland's first question was so where do you see yourself in five years and who are you shoving?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Brian do well enough to win?

KURTIS: He got four right, eight more points, a total of 11 but Adam cannot be caught.

SAGAL: He cannot.

(APPLAUSE)

FELBER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Well done, Adam. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists, now that they've been cleared of the plague, what's next for rats? Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.