Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

MIKE PESCA, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Paula and P.J. each have two. Adam has four.

PESCA: We've flipped a coin. Paula got it right. It was heads. So you're in third place, you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week, Governor Jerry Brown ordered California's first mandatory blank restrictions.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Water.

PESCA: Yep.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: After serving five terms as the senator for Nevada, blank announced that he wouldn't be seeking reelection.

POUNDSTONE: Harry Reid.

PESCA: Yep.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: Stanford University announced Thursday that it would offer free blank to families making less than a $125,000 a year.

POUNDSTONE: Free blank...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I'd like some. Shots for - to prevent disease.

PESCA: Oh, you mean inoculation? Yeah, it's tuition.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Oh, free tuition. Oh.

PESCA: A high school teen who received a rejection letter from Duke this week responded by blanking.

POUNDSTONE: Going to Stanford for free.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: The answer is writing Duke a rejection letter of their rejection letter. On Monday, Jay-Z relaunched Title, his new high-quality blank service.

POUNDSTONE: Music-buying service.

PESCA: Music streaming.

POUNDSTONE: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: Yes. Investigators found that a sinkhole that had been...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

PESCA: ...Snarling traffic in Dublin was caused by a blank.

POUNDSTONE: Let me think about this.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: A kid digging in Hawaii.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: Ring that bell.

POUNDSTONE: Prove it's not.

PESCA: The answer is an old tunnel politicians used to sneak over to a brothel.

POUNDSTONE: Right to a brothel. Of course, I just didn't want to say brothel on NPR.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Yeah, I know. Bill, how did Paula do?

KURTIS: She got three right for six more points. That gives her a total of eight and the lead.

PESCA: Hey, P.J., you're up next.

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: I have the lead.

PESCA: P.J., fill in the blank. On Thursday, terrorist group Al-Shabaab took credit for an attack on a university in blank.

O'ROURKE: Kenya.

PESCA: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: Iraqi military forces announced Wednesday that they had reclaimed the city of Tikrit from blank.

O'ROURKE: ISIS.

PESCA: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: Seven years after the trial began, Italy's highest court overturned the murder conviction of blank.

O'ROURKE: Oh, Knox.

PESCA: Correct. Amanda Knox.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

O'ROURKE: Amanda.

PESCA: On Tuesday, President Obama lifted the two-year freeze on sending military aid to blank.

O'ROURKE: Egypt.

PESCA: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: After being found unconscious in her home, legendary singer-songwriter blank was rushed to the hospital.

O'ROURKE: Oh, Joni Mitchell.

PESCA: Joni Mitchell, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: After a two-year shutdown, CERN announced they'd be restarting the blank this weekend.

O'ROURKE: Is that giant molecule collider thing?

PESCA: Sure. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: The Large Hadron Collider. During a live news broadcast...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

PESCA: ...A TV weatherman in Minnesota complained about his suit being two tight before realizing blank.

O'ROURKE: That he was fat.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: That he still had a coat hanger in his suits.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Happens to us all.

PESCA: Local weatherman Steve Fraser had just started giving his forecast when he began to complain that his jacket was too tight. After a minute of squirming in his chair, he reached behind him and pulled out the coathanger that he'd forgotten to take out of his coat. He then calmly finished the weather, reinserted the hanger and hung himself up so he'd be wrinkle free for tomorrow's broadcast.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Bill, how did P.J. do?

KURTIS: He got six right, 12 more points. He has 14 and the lead.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, no.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: All right, Bill, so that means Adam needs how many to win?

KURTIS: Five to tie and six to win.

FELBER: Yikes.

PESCA: OK, Adam, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. After just two days of testimony, the defense team for the blank bomber rested their case.

FELBER: Boston Marathon bomber.

PESCA: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: On Wednesday, a federal grand jury indicted New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez on blank charges.

FELBER: Corruption.

PESCA: That is right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: Comedy Central announced Monday that South African comedian Trevor Noah would be the next of blank.

FELBER: "The Daily Show."

PESCA: Yup.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: In England, a blind man collecting disability benefits was accused of fraud after he blanked.

FELBER: Read his bank statement.

PESCA: Got a perfect score at a darts tournaments.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: On Wednesday, Cynthia Lennon, the first wife of blank, passed away at 74.

FELBER: John Lennon.

PESCA: That is right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: Police in France suspected that a man...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

PESCA: ...Was intoxicated when they found him blanking on the beach.

FELBER: Oh, he was drinking wine.

PESCA: In fact, he was performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation...

FELBER: On a rubber raft.

PESCA: On a rubber raft.

FELBER: I read that.

PESCA: That he thought was a person.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: When police found the man at 4 a.m., he was frantically trying to breathe life into the inflatable rubber raft. And he had already called the fire department for help. Police were eventually able to bring the man back to the station to sober up, but not before he attempted to outfit one of the officers with an outboard motor and ride him into open water.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Bill, did do enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, he got four right, eight more points, a total of 12, but he could not catch P.J., this week's champ.

(APPLAUSE)

O'ROURKE: There we go.

PESCA: In just a minute, we will ask our panelists, now that we've mended our relationships with Cuba and Iran, who would know we make friends with next?

PESCA: Now panel, who will we make friends with next? P.J. O'Rourke.

O'ROURKE: Indiana.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Paula Poundstone.

POUNDSTONE: Canadians, Mike. If we're going to see McMuffins all day long, we're going to need to suck up to the Canadians for the bacon.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Adam Felber.

FELBER: Yes, that completely non-ridiculous haircut really does make you look taller President Kim.

KURTIS: Well, if any of that happens, panel, we'll tell you about it on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

PESCA: Thank you, Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to P.J. O'Rourke, Paula Poundstone and Adam Felber. And thanks to you all for listening. I'm Mike Pesca. You can hear me on my podcast The Gist. You can hear the usual guy back here next week.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: This is NPR. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.