Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

PETER SAGAL HOST: On to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can. She correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Bobcat has one, Kyrie, two, Tom is in the lead with three.

HOST: Bobcat, you are in third place, so you got first.

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah, I'm the dark horse.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: Yeah. The clock will start when I begin your first question, fill in the blank. In an effort to defuse controversy, the White House released a hundred pages of e-mails related to the attack in blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: Benghazi.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: In a surprise announcement on Tuesday, actress blank revealed that she'd had a preventative double mastectomy.

GOLDTHWAIT: Angelina Jolie.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: The U.S. Marshall service announced Thursday that it had lost track of two terrorists who had been placed in the blank program.

GOLDTHWAIT: The relocation program.

HOST: No. Witness protection is the thing you're looking for.

(SOUNDBITE OF AWS)

HOST: An Oregon police officer...

KURTIS: Oh, they want you to give that to him.

HOST: Bill...

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: ...you're the judge here today. What's your ruling?

KURTIS: It is relocation. I think we should give it to him.

HOST: All right. There it is.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: An Oregon police officer confirmed the Portland stereotype this week when he interrupted a high-speed chase in order to blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: Smoke weed?

HOST: No.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: Drink Pabst beer, start a band?

HOST: No. Help a mother duck and some ducklings cross the road.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: International soccer star blank announced on Thursday that he plans to retire at the end of this season.

GOLDTHWAIT: It's sports.

HOST: It is a sport thing, yes.

GOLDTHWAIT: I know who. It's the guy who's married to the Stinky Spice.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: And his name is?

GOLDTHWAIT: Beckham?

HOST: David Beckham, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: During an auction at Christie's this week, a 1991 painting depicting a topless blank sold for $1.9 million.

GOLDTHWAIT: Mermaid?

HOST: No, Bea Arthur.

(SOUNDBITE OF SURPRISE)

GOLDTHWAIT: Oh, I've seen that.

HOST: There you are. A California woman desperate to quit smoking decided the most effective way to do it was blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

GOLDTHWAIT: Chopping off her hands.

HOST: No. God, no.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: Well, you couldn't hold it, you know.

HOST: There was a woman and she decided the best way to quick smoking was to wait outside a police station for the deputy to come outside and slap him across the face. She figured if she'd slap a cop, get arrested and get sent to jail where they don't let you smoke. It worked. And while the patch or nicotine gum worked too, the drawback of those is you also don't get to slap a cop.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: How did Bobcat Goldthwait do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Bobcat got four right and he has eight more points and he currently has nine.

HOST: He does, all right. Nine.

(APPLAUSE)

HOST: So, Kyrie, you are up next. Fill in the blank, in a note left in the boat where he was hiding, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev said the blanks were retribution for attacks on Muslims.

KYRIE O'CONNOR: The bombings in Boston.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: On Tuesday the NTSB proposed lowering the legal blank level for drivers from .08 to .05 percent.

O'CONNOR: Blood alcohol level.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: On Thursday President Obama named Daniel Werfel the controller of the Office of Management and Budget as acting commissioner of the blank.

O'CONNOR: Internal Revenue Service.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: NBC announced that Jimmy Fallon's spot on the show "Late Night" will be filled by SNL writer and performer blank.

O'CONNOR: Seth Meyers.

HOST: Right.

A concerned Brighton resident wrote to the local town council after he noticed a blank while walking his dog.

O'CONNOR: He noticed a spot in the road.

HOST: He noticed a portal to another dimension.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: Oh, well, that's a spot in the road.

HOST: Kind of. Psychologist and TV personality blank died last Sunday at age 85.

O'CONNOR: Dr. Joyce Brothers.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: After eight seasons on the air the show "How I Met Your Mother" finally revealed the identity of the blank.

O'CONNOR: The mother.

HOST: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: Wisconsin police who responded to a complaint about loud music playing...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

HOST: ...were surprised to discover that the music was actually blank.

O'CONNOR: Some crows...

HOST: No.

O'CONNOR: ...pounding on a garbage can.

HOST: A large bunch of amorous frogs. Debbie Alsip's neighbor was fed up with the...

TOM BODETT: What were they playing?

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: Well, Barry White I assume.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: Debbie Alsip's neighbor was...

GOLDTHWAIT: Jeremiah was a Bull Frog.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: Frog went to court?

GOLDTHWAIT: We got frog songs all night.

HOST: Yeah. Debbie Alsip's neighbor was fed up with the loud music coming from her backyard, so he called the cops on her. But the problem wasn't Alsip's stereo, it was a bunch of frogs and horny toads fornicating in her backyard. Once the cops determined what the source of the noise was, the lead detective lowered his sunglasses, turned to the camera and said, sometimes it is easy being green.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: Bill, how did Kyrie do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She got six right for twelve more points and she is in the lead with 14.

HOST: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

HOST: All right then. How many then does Tom need to win on our show?

KURTIS: He needs six to win.

GOLDTHWAIT: She did really well, Tom.

BODETT: Yeah, I know.

HOST: Here we go.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: Fill in the blank, Tom.

GOLDTHWAIT: No pressure.

HOST: This is for the game. On Tuesday, the governor of Minnesota signed a bill making it the 12th state to legalize blank.

BODETT: Gay marriage.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: Thousands of homes and businesses were destroyed after multiple blanks swept through Texas Wednesday night.

BODETT: Tornadoes.

HOST: Right.

According to a friend of Prince William and Kate Middleton, the royal blank may arrive during the Queen's coronation anniversary celebrations.

BODETT: Oh, the royal child, their baby.

HOST: The baby.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: Former football star and trial of the century defendant blank was back in court to try to win a new trial for his 2008 robbery conviction.

BODETT: O.J.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: Police say that a Florida man won't be charged for accidentally blanking.

BODETT: That's a pretty broad category.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Does it involve a 12-foot snake?

HOST: No. He won't be charged for accidentally shooting himself while bowling.

Organizers announced Thursday that runners who were stopped because of the bombing will be invited to run in next year's blank.

BODETT: Oh, Boston Marathon.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: The New York Times reported that New York police officers have been told not arrest women who blank in public.

BODETT: Breast feed.

HOST: The answer is bare their breasts.

KURTIS: It is but they have to do that to breast feed.

HOST: Oh, yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: A flight from L.A. to New York was forced to make an emergency landing in Kansas City after blank.

BODETT: I don't know.

HOST: They were forced to make an emergency landing halfway across the country after a passenger wouldn't stop signing Whitney Houston songs.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: American Airlines said that the woman's nonstop singing was deemed a threat to the flight crew which, come on, is a pretty mean thing to say about somebody singing.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: Bill, did Tom do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, he needed six to win. He got six and he's the winner this week.

HOST: Whoa. Congratulations.

BODETT: Thank you.

HOST: Well done, Tom. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, now that he has failed completely as a spy, what will diplomatic attache Ryan Fogle do next? Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.