Lightning Fill In The Blank

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can, each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Alonzo has two, Maz has two and Paula has four.

SAGAL: Oh, OK.

ALONZO BODDEN: How about that, Ms. Paula?

SAGAL: We flipped a coin. Maz has chosen to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Senate approved President Obama's fast-tracked blank bill.

MAZ JOBRANI: It's a trade bill.

SAGAL: It is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A state of emergency was announced in Pakistan on Tuesday as a deadly blank continued to plague the country.

JOBRANI: Heat wave.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a pizza delivery boy in Colorado who saved a customer's life by performing CPR said the experience blanked him.

JOBRANI: The experience excited him.

SAGAL: No. He said that saving the man's life turned him from a pizza boy into a pizza man.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Last Saturday, the Washington Nationals' Max Scherzer became the second pitcher in that team's history to blank.

JOBRANI: Pitch a shutout?

SAGAL: No, a no-hitter.

JOBRANI: No-hitter.

SAGAL: This week, even fans of Fox News thought the network went too far...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...When one of its hosts blanked.

JOBRANI: Oh, boy. On Fox News, when one of its hosts actually said something good about Obama.

SAGAL: No. He threw an ax at an army drummer from West Point. All right, no one likes a drum solo, fine. But Fox Weekend anchor Pete Hegseth needs to chill. He was doing a segment on lumberjack sports when he attempted to throw an ax at a wooden target and managed to overshoot both the target and a fence and hit the drummer. The double-headed ax only caused a couple of cuts, and the drummer was awarded a purple cowbell.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Maz do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Maz got three right for six more points. He now has a total of eight and the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Alonzo, you are up next. Here we go, fill in the blank. On Friday, President Obama delivered the eulogy for Rev. Clementa Pinckney, the senior pastor of Mother Emmanuel AME Church in blank.

BODDEN: Charleston, S.C.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A new report from the U.N. says that Israel and Palestine may both have committed war crimes during a confrontation in the blank last summer.

BODDEN: Gaza.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, cab drivers throughout Paris rioted when it was announced that blank would be expanding their service there.

BODDEN: Uber.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, golfer Jordan Spieth became the youngest person since 1923 to win the blank.

BODDEN: U.S. Open.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: TV analysts reported that by 2016, blank's average viewing audience will surpass that of major TV networks.

BODDEN: Netflix.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Two Canadian police helicopter pilots who were talking...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...About sex in the cabin have apologized after blanking.

BODDEN: Broadcasting?

SAGAL: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Through the helicopter's loudspeaker.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The two Canadian pilots, who could be heard throughout the city talking about their sex lives, formally apologize for realizing that their helicopter's megaphone was on the whole time.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Some citizens...

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: Some citizens say the apology isn't enough and are calling for further discipline. Others say they found the conversation educational. Who knew there were so many alternative uses for maple syrup?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alonzo do?

KURTIS: He got six right, now has a total of 14 and the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So how many then - and you know I was going to ask this - how many then does Paula Poundstone need to win this?

KURTIS: Five to tie, six if she wants to win.

SAGAL: All right.

POUNDSTONE: I do.

SAGAL: All right, here we go. This is for the win. On Thursday, ISIS militants launched attacks on two cities in blank.

POUNDSTONE: Iraq?

SAGAL: No Syria.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, sorry.

SAGAL: On Wednesday, a second guard was arrested in connection with the escape of two convicts from a maximum security prison in blank.

POUNDSTONE: New York.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In the latest 2016 GOP poll, blank placed second with 11 percent of the votes.

POUNDSTONE: Donald patriot Trump.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A cafe in New York specializing in blank doughnuts went bankrupt this week less than a year after opening.

POUNDSTONE: Healthy.

SAGAL: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Low-calorie donuts. For the fourth time in a month, a swimmer in North Carolina was the victim of a blank attack.

POUNDSTONE: Shark.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Best known for writing the scores for "Titanic," "Aliens" and "Braveheart," Academy Award-winning composer blank died at the age of 61.

POUNDSTONE: Howard - I can't remember his name.

SAGAL: No, his name is James Horner.

POUNDSTONE: Of course, James Horner.

SAGAL: A rock club in D.C. fined for violating...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...The local noise ordinance says it had to open a window while the band was playing because blank.

POUNDSTONE: Because - they were trying to sneak out the back.

SAGAL: No because the band's drummer kept farting.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You can't open the windows if your music is playing, it bothers the neighbors. They were fined $500 for doing it. But the venue explained that the band had a drummer who would not stop farting. The owner says he's willing to pay the fine, admitting that the whole ordeal was probably his fault for booking a band in the first place called Tutti and the Blow Farts.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Mr. Kurtis, how well did Paula do? Did she do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, she got four right, eight more points, 12 for a total.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, no.

KURTIS: That means Alonzo won.

(APPLAUSE)

JOBRANI: You did it, man. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.