Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's a game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website, which is waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and check out our "How To Do Everything" podcast, hosted by two devastatingly handsome and brilliant men who also happen to write this part of the script.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT, WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

JIL WRIGHT: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

WRIGHT: I'm Jill. I'm Jill Wright.

SAGAL: Hello, Jill Wright. How are you?

WRIGHT: I'm doing well. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm fine. Where are you calling from?

WRIGHT: Well, I'm calling from Ventura Calif.

SAGAL: Oh, Ventura is beautiful...

WRIGHT: Yes, it is.

SAGAL: North of LA County on the coast. It's great.

WRIGHT: Yes, it is.

SAGAL: That's exciting, and what do you do there?

WRIGHT: Well, we relocated recently, so I'm job hunting.

SAGAL: Oh, and where'd you come from?

WRIGHT: We came from New Jersey.

SAGAL: Oh, congratulations on your escape.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Did you tunnel out or hide yourself in the garbage as the truck moved out of to the gates?

WRIGHT: Oh, neither, actually - we drove.

SAGAL: I didn't know you could do that. Jill, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is now going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play?

WRIGHT: Yes.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: We're popping out daughters and sons. Their names will make other kids run. With Luger and Wesson, we're teaching a lesson. Don't mess with kids named after...

WRIGHT: Bums.

SAGAL: Bums.

KURTIS: Close - that old bum Luger and Wesson.

SAGAL: I like that you're naming them after bums.

KURTIS: With Luger and Wesson, we're teaching a lesson. Don't mess with kids named after.

WRIGHT: Guns?

SAGAL: Guns, yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: There you go, OK.

SAGAL: You want a tough kid? Name her after a gun. Gunner and Cannon are the most popular in this trend, but also on the rise are Trigger, Caliber, Magnum, Pistol, Remington, Smith, Wesson and Garrison.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You're kidding.

FAITH SALIE: This is true?

SAGAL: I'm not kidding. This is all true.

POUNDSTONE: That's disgusting.

SALIE: Oh, my gosh.

SAGAL: It's not guns, either. Parents are naming their babies Mace, Saw, Dagger and seriously, in one case at least, Arson.

POUNDSTONE: How about just Bloody Stump? How come they don't use Bloody Stump?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean, they want their kids to sound tough, but if you name your kid, say, Little Oozy Bernstein, aren't they going to have a hard time living up to that?

ROXANNE ROBERTS: No, they're just going to be hyperactive.

SAGAL: What if your son wants to be a hairstylist or a smooth jazz artist? And now the relaxing sounds of Bushmaster Assault Rifle Davis.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know - here's a Little Choke The Life Out Of Her Watson.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Shot through the heart - that song's cozy, but the Jersey band smells like anchovy. Though they live on a prayer, they are not halfway there because China is banning...

WRIGHT: Bon Jovi?

SAGAL: Bon Jovi.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Oh, that is really good.

SAGAL: That's pretty good. While Europe is struggling, of course, with the refugee problem, China has solved its Bon Jovi crisis. The '80s New Jersey rock band was scheduled to play two shows in China - their first ever. Before cultural ministry officials got nervous, they would only play their songs off the new album and none of the old hits. No, actually they cancelled the show 'cause they say it's because of Bon Jovi's - Jon Bon Jovi's - support of the Dalai Lama. It's OK China - just like everybody who hangs out with Bon Jovi - the Dalai Lama wishes he was really friends with Springsteen.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: What joys does adulthood provide? The funds to build playgrounds inside. My home's set of stairs isn't putting on airs. I installed a grown-up sized...

WRIGHT: Slide.

SAGAL: Yes, slide.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good. The Wall Street Journal - daily diary of the stranger and stranger American dream - reports more and more people are turning their homes into indoor playgrounds. I like everyone to have fun, said one ridiculous rich guy, who put $150,000 mahogany slide in his living room. Swings, zip lines and climbing walls are just some of the ways you can re-create the childhood you wish you had in the privacy of your own home. For a little extra cash, you can even install a playground bully to call you names and steal your lunch.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I just - you know - if you have a slide, though, you know - what about when you have to - remember - when you have to go back up stairs, you got stuff in your arms and you got a bunch of, you know - I'm doing laundry and this - and now I got to, you know - you got bring the - come down with the side - it's just a lot I think.

ROBERTS: You people...

POUNDSTONE: You have to be in the right mood for the slide. I don't think it's a...

SAGAL: I have never - during this entire show - wanted so much to have another boy on stage with me because that guy would be so down with it - with me. We'd be going, yeah, slide, yeah.

POUNDSTONE: If you think that P.J. O'Rourke would say, yeah - if I could, I would have a slide.

SAGAL: I've been to P.J.'s house. He has a fire pole.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Is that what he calls it?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, I was going to say.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, we're talking about a way to get downstairs.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jill do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Jill got three right, so congratulations, Jill, that means you're a winner.

SAGAL: Congratulations, well done.

WRIGHT: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you, Jill.

WRIGHT: Thank you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.