Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on-air call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on our website, that's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And you can check out our sister podcast, How To Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian tell you at which embassy in Washington, D.C., you're most likely to find naked diplomats or avoid them, I guess, if that's your priority. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

RENA STROBER: Hi, Peter. It's Rena Strober from Los Angeles, Calif.

SAGAL: Well, hello, Rena. How are you?

STROBER: Hi, happy new year.

SAGAL: Happy new year to you, shanah tovah. And what do you do there in LA?

STROBER: I teach voice at the Academy of Music for the Blind. So I teach voice to blind children who are 4 to 18 years old.

SAGAL: That's frustratingly noble and admirable. I have nothing to do with that.

ILIZA SCHLESINGER: We can't make any jokes.

LUKE BURBANK: Another Wall Street fat cat.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to our show, Rena.

STROBER: Thanks.

SAGAL: Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, HOST:

That dull time called work, I can bridge it. I grab, touch and squirm like an id-jit (ph). My habits may grate, but they help my heart rate. I stay in good shape 'cause I...

STROBER: Wait, I was thinking digit, but that doesn't make sense.

KURTIS: Close.

SAGAL: Well, it's something you might do with your digits.

STROBER: It rhymes with digit.

SAGAL: It does.

KURTIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: Well, why don't you hear the limerick again?

STROBER: OK, thank you.

KURTIS: That dull time called work, I can bridge it. I grab, touch and squirm like an id-jit. My habits may grate, but they help my heart rate. I stay in good shape 'cause I...

STROBER: Oh, my goodness. I'm so nervous.

SAGAL: I know. It happens. Just try to relax.

STROBER: My heart is racing.

SAGAL: Pretend instead of being talking to me, you're just at home, listening to the radio, doing your dishes, whatever.

STROBER: OK, it would be easier if you were all blind.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well...

KURTIS: OK.

SAGAL: To be fair...

KURTIS: We've got our eyes closed now.

SAGAL: ...We can't see you, Rena.

STROBER: OK, good.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it's just as good as that. That's...

STROBER: Fidget. Fidget. Fidget.

SAGAL: Yes. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes. Yes. Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

STROBER: Fidget.

SAGAL: Remember - do you remember when we were told that sitting all day was killing us? It turns out that it might be all right as long as you fidget. According to a new report from England, fidgeting allows our muscles small bursts of activity, which, research suggests, could add years to your life. Of course, all the extra years you gain by fidgeting are balanced out by the fact that all of your co-workers are currently plotting your death.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If he spins that pen one more time - fidgeting is basically - it's like tiny exercise - tiny exercises. You know it's catching on when your gym tries to charge you $100 to attend a cross-fidget class.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: When my bladder resembles the sea, I don't care how they're questioning me. Without bathrooms, I'm ruthless and endlessly truthless. I lie when I'm holding my...

STROBER: Pee.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: There you go.

STROBER: Yay.

SAGAL: That one she got. People who have full bladders lie more convincingly than those who don't. Apparently, the parts of the brain that help you focus on not ruining your pants are the same parts of your brain that help you sell a lie, right? So even if someone seems sincere as they're telling you something, watch what they do next. So it's like, oh, no, this Volkswagen is very good for the environment.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now if you'll excuse me just a minute.

SCHLESINGER: My...

TOM BODETT: That is so - I mean, I totally buy - I'm a very honest person. I do not lie. But when I have to really pee on an airplane and they won't - and, like, the seatbelt sign is on, I tell them I just had hernia surgery and that it's extremely painful for me if I don't use the bathroom.

SAGAL: And it's not true.

BODETT: It's not in the least bit true.

SAGAL: But according to this study...

BODETT: Yeah, but I - and I have no - 'cause I only say that when I have to pee, right? So...

SCHLESINGER: Who's going to challenge that?

BODETT: Yeah.

SCHLESINGER: Who's going to - let's see the scar. United might, but still.

SAGAL: Show me the trust. Show me the trust. Intense focus.

SCHLESINGER: I was just thinking about how full all my ex-boyfriends' bladders were the entire time we were dating and how full mine is right now.

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

STROBER: OK.

KURTIS: I'm clean, but I can't be too proud. Like Pigpen, we all are endowed. Tiny skin particles and minuscule farticles (ph), they all float around in a...

STROBER: A cloud.

SAGAL: Yes. This cloud is not that cute though. So you know - we all know there's lots of bacteria in your gut. But did you know that each of our bodies is surrounded by a cloud filled with trillions and trillions of bacteria and skin particles and fecal matter? It's true. It's true of you and your friends and your girlfriend and your boyfriend and your mother and the guy sitting next to you in the subway, whose cloud you can actually see.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But - and you might say - well, I've never noticed them. I've never smelled them or anything. But we've evolved not to be able to detect each other's bacteria clouds because to continue to reproduce in our species, it was important we could stand to get within 3 feet of each other.

SCHLESINGER: Wow.

BURBANK: Trillions.

SAGAL: Trillions.

BURBANK: That's a lot.

SAGAL: It is a lot.

BURBANK: Yeah.

BODETT: So are - when we are together, our bacteria and all that are inter-reacting?

SAGAL: Yeah, we each have this very distinct biome that extends outside of our bodies.

BODETT: Are these, like, the auras that the wackos are always...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: Is this - maybe they can - maybe there are people...

SCHLESINGER: Yeah.

BODETT: ...Who haven't devolved out of being able to...

SCHLESINGER: That was a fart cloud, not an aura.

BODETT: Right, exactly.

SAGAL: Bill how did Rena do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Perfect, three for three.

STROBER: Yay.

SAGAL: Well done, Rena, congratulations.

STROBER: Thank you, guys. You guys were awesome.

SAGAL: Thank you. Bye-bye.

STROBER: Bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.