Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you would like to play our games on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT- WAIT...that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and tickets for our September show in Baton Rouge, Louisiana go on sale Monday. And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week Mike and Ian tell you how to move something enormous under the cover of darkness. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

DENNIS LANDON: Hi, this is Dennis Landon in St. Louis.

SAGAL: What do you do there in St. Louis?

LANDON: I'm a minister. I'm a denominational executive.

SAGAL: A denominational executive?

LANDON: Well, it's a euphemism for bureaucrat.

SAGAL: Oh, I see.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Do you enforce church discipline?

LANDON: No. Actually I work with higher education and leader developments. So I get to spend lots of time with very bright and talented young people.

SAGAL: Well, that's nice.

LANDON: Yeah, it is great.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Dennis. It's nice to have you.

LANDON: Thank you.

SAGAL: Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to go?

LANDON: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Traffic needs balance like libras, but everyone's selfish as divas. We hope scofflaw types will heed horses in stripes. Our crossing guards dress up as...

LANDON: Zebras.

SAGAL: Yes, zebras.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The country of Bolivia has a bold new plan to get crazy drivers to slow down in the city of La Paz, traffic zebras. That's people in zebra costumes, standing in the middle of the road, waving at cars to stop.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Early reports say they've been successful in stopping all drivers, except that one guy who was driving a lion.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: And if they get past the zebras, the geese go after them.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: My phone may smell odd, I agree. But its fuel source is close by and free. Make my drink extra-large, I need batteries charged and they're getting their juice from my...

(LAUGHTER)

LANDON: I'm going to go with tree.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Are you going to intentionally get this one wrong for religious reasons?

LANDON: No. If it's pee I'm in.

SAGAL: All right. It's pee, yes.

LANDON: OK.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bristol Robotics Laboratory in England has a new cell phone powered entirely by urine. I mean, if we're using it while we're in the bathroom, might as well get something out of it, right?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The prototype has successfully been used to text message and surf the internet, and is a great multitasking tool if you're Anthony Weiner.

(LAUGHTER)

KYRIE O'CONNOR: How does it work, Peter?

SAGAL: Apparently, it uses the electrolytes in urine to somehow generate electricity.

MAZ JOBRANI: You just pee on your phone?

SAGAL: No, you don't...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Don't try this at home, kids. Here's your last limerick.

KASELL: Our Monopoly game has gone stale 'cause it moves at the pace of a snail. The kids don't have time to pay for their crimes, so we've remade the game without...

LANDON: Jail.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: To suit today's busy kids, Hasbro has released a new version of Monopoly, which reportedly omits the jail. They say the game can now be completed in under 30 minutes, freeing families from the obligation of spending too much time together.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The bad news is, with the closing of jail, all the criminals have been let loose. The murder rate in Marvin Gardens is through the roof.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Dennis do on our quiz?

KASELL: Dennis had three correct answers, Peter, so Dennis, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Dennis.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you for playing.

LANDON: Thanks very much.

POUNDSTONE: Dennis was on fire.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.