Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our first ever show in Baton Rouge, Louisiana coming up on September 26th. And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to get out of jury duty with dignity and honor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

CAMEO ELZINGA: Hi. This is Cameo calling from Grand Rapids, Michigan.

SAGAL: Cameo.

ELZINGA: That's me.

SAGAL: That's a great name.

ELZINGA: Thank you.

SAGAL: I'm now going to make the jokes that you've heard many times.

(LAUGHTER)

ELZINGA: Oh, I think you'll probably be the first.

SAGAL: Do you like doing surprise appearances in other people's films?

(LAUGHTER)

ELZINGA: It's my specialty, yes.

SAGAL: I bet. You know, I have to ask, how'd you get the name Cameo?

ELZINGA: Well, my parents saw it written in the sand on the night I was conceived.

SAGAL: No, really?

ELZINGA: No. It was (unintelligible).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You had me.

ADAM FELBER: What's the real story?

ELZINGA: It was in a name book. They wanted something different but spellable and here I am.

SAGAL: And so how have you enjoyed being a Cameo for your life?

(LAUGHTER)

ELZINGA: I think it's pretty great. I've only met one other and I was way cooler.

SAGAL: There you are.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl Kasell, Cameo, is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to play?

ELZINGA: I hope so.

SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: My Jag survived hail's heavy pelting. It's a marvel of fine English smelting. But parked on the street, it could not take the heat. Like the Witch of the West, my car's...

ELZINGA: Melting.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: London's newest skyscraper has a teeny design flaw. It's curved in such a way so that it acts like a magnifying glass, focusing and reflecting sunlight into a white-hot death ray that has melted at least one Jaguar to slag.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's a problem, but they've taken it as an opportunity to install some highly effective signs, such as If You Dare to Park Here You Will Be Punished By The Blinding Fire of a Wrathful God.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: Isn't that literally something a James Bond villain would've done to James' car?

SAGAL: It's true. Once the story broke that this had happened - this is true - a reporter to check it out went to the sidewalk at that spot to see if he could fry an egg using the reflective light from the building. But he had to stop the experiment because his hair caught on fire.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He's like, well here we go, the egg doesn't seem to be cooking. What is that smell?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick, Cameo.

KASELL: As the junk food aisle looms ever nearer, my weight gain could not be made clearer. My cart has a place that shows me my face. I'm shamed as I look in the...

ELZINGA: Mirror.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed. Mirror.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: What better reminder would there be to stick to your diet than your own face? So researchers in Texas installed mirrors in shopping carts, so you'll look down and be like, OK, there's milk, and there's the Funyuns, and there's a giant hideous potato staring back at me, oh my god, no. So when you see the mirror in your shopping cart, you have two choices. You can put the junk food back and try to live healthier or more easily, just pile up more junk food until it covers the mirror.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Wow. We're having a big special this week at Self-Loathing Mart. Come on down.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here, Cameo, is your last limerick.

KASELL: Heights scare me, just ask my fiance. Don't let Ferris wheels I might be on sway. I go on, then up top, the ride simply stopped for that R and B diva...

ELZINGA: Beyonce

SAGAL: Beyonce, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So this woman who lives on Coney Island, right, in New York City, she's terrified of heights. She decides finally to go on the Ferris wheel at the amusement park to see if she can get over her fear of heights. And she gets stuck at the top for an hour-and-a-half because they stopped it for Beyonce to get onboard the Ferris wheel for a photo shoot.

(SOUNDBITE OF SYMPATHY)

SAGAL: So get ready for Beyonce's new video, under the heartfelt R and B ballad you can hear a very special background singer way in the distance going, oh god, oh god, oh god, sweet Jesus, get me off of here please.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Cameo do on our quiz?

KASELL: Three correct answers, Peter. So, Cameo, I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Cameo. It was great to talk to you.

ELZINGA: Oh, I had lots of fun. Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.