Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And you can check out our How to do Everything podcast. This week: Mike and Ian tell you how to make the sugariest drink in the world, the Bloomberg.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

HEATHER COONS: This is Heather from Charlotte.

SAGAL: Hey, Heather, how are you ?

COONS: Great.

SAGAL: I almost said hey Charlotte. No, but you're Heather. You're in Charlotte. How are things in Charlotte?

COONS: They're wonderful.

SAGAL: It is a nice place. What do you do there?

COONS: I am a stay at home mom.

SAGAL: Oh really? How's that going?

COONS: It seems like a long-term gig.

SAGAL: It is.

(LAUGHTER)

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: How's that going?

SAGAL: The pay isn't much, but it is regular. I mean, you know.

GOLDTHWAIT: Did you think she was getting downsized? I don't know. How's that going? Mom, we have to let you go.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: How old are your kids?

COONS: I have a daughter who's 14 and a son who's 11.

SAGAL: And they're treating you well?

COONS: Ninety percent of the time.

SAGAL: That's as much as you can ask for.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Wow. That's really high.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Heather. Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to play?

COONS: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: We Ukrainian dolphins have skills, and your blood we're willing to spill. While snouts may look wistful, we hide knives and pistols. Like Bond, we are licensed to?

COONS: Kill.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Until this week - kill is the answer. Until this week, the nation of Ukraine wasn't known for its military might, but it turns out the country has been developing a secret weapon, killer dolphins. Military trainers have strapped knives and pistols to the dolphins' heads and trained them to go after seafaring enemies. It turns out, dolphins have always been vicious, but you can stab somebody all day with an adorable snout and nothing happens.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: They're like Canadians.

SAGAL: Yeah, really.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Just arm them and the next thing you know it's mayhem.

GOLDTHWAIT: Because you think they're nice and everything but boom, don't turn your back on them.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: Do you know what one of my dream is?

SAGAL: What is your dream?

SALIE: To go swimming with Canadians.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I understand there are resorts where you can do that.

SALIE: Yeah.

SAGAL: But there are Canadians' rights organizations who feel that's exploitative of the Canadian.

GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Meanwhile, here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Though we party, we try to stay slim. We toast as we stretch every limb. Before we eat plenty, we drop and give 20. Our party is held at the?

COONS: Gym.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Gym.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Want to have the worst birthday party every? Throw a fitness party. Apparently, it's the latest trend to hit the kids' birthday party industry. Young people are renting out gym classes for their birthdays, throwing spinning or Zumba parties. Gyms have finally figured out the reason you haven't been going to their gym is because there wasn't cake there.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And here is your last limerick.

KASELL: From cleaning an inky clogged printer jet to surviving a nuclear winter threat, we machines learn and teach 'cause we stay within reach. We're in touch with our own robot?

COONS: Internet.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Robot scientists in Europe have figured out a way to stop the robot apocalypse. They've taught them to use the internet. Now they'll be too distracted to take over the world.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Robots will do the same things humans do on the internet. They'll tweet in binary. They'll look at robotic cat videos.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They'll waste hours on Netflix, watching quirky comedies with a strong robot female lead.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Heather do on our quiz?

KASELL: Heather, you had a perfect game, three correct answers. So you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

POUNDSTONE: Heather in Charlotte.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

COONS: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

COONS: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.