Limericks

Transcript

CARL KASELL: Coming up it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or, click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our first ever show in Memphis, Tennessee coming up in a few weeks. Be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to make your own Big Bird.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

KIM CHIODO: Hi. This is Kim from Hilo, Hawaii.

SAGAL: Oh, Kim from Hilo on the Big Island, right?

CHIODO: Yeah, that's right.

SAGAL: Oh, I've never been there. What's it like?

CHIODO: It's beautiful. (Unintelligible) and there's rainbows and volcanoes. It's great.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Wow, rainbows and a volcano.

CHIODO: Yeah.

SAGAL: It sounds like a kid's television program.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Kim. It's nice to talk to you. Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play?

CHIODO: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

KASELL: This ancestral shakeup is big. Not just apes can lay claim to that gig. I just figured out where I got my big snout. Turns out great granddad was a...

CHIODO: Pig.

SAGAL: Yes, a pig.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: We've all been there.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Many of us have anyway, and a little bit too much to drink. The next morning you wake up next to a real pig.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, a geneticist trained at the University of Georgia has now theorized that the human race was born when a female chimpanzee got busy with a pig. And this is because humans and pigs share a startling number of traits, hairless skin, very rare in primates, light-colored eyes and a love of bacon.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: The buyer for Wal-Mart just growls. "No one knows for what goods the mob howls. We knew they would cry for small cloths to help dry. We're well-stocked but they only buy...

CHIODO: Towels?

SAGAL: Towels, yes. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Wal-Mart won Black Friday when they announced they'd be selling bath towels for the low low price of $1.79 each. That kind of quality towel is hard to come by. You usually have to do a night in prison to snag a towel like that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In any event, holiday shoppers snapped up 2.8 million towels on Black Friday, biggest selling item on Black Friday. That means 2.8 million Americans are going to be very disappointed on Christmas morning.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: Do you suppose there's somebody at Wal-Mart who's just like, all right, what else can we sell them?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Just throw something out there for a buck fifty, they'll buy it.

SAGAL: Dust bunnies. Last time I went to - I think the last time I went to a Wal-Mart I bought dog treats, underwear and whiskey.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That was a hell of a weekend.

ADAM FELBER: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: I don't want to know any more about your personal life than that.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Here Roy.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Give me that.

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: I don't want to dress up for a snooty ball and I try to keep long-term love duty small. But just call or just text and we both know what's next. It's relationship's mid-point, the...

CHIODO: Call?

SAGAL: Well, it's a two-word answer, three syllables, rhymes with snooty ball...

CHIODO: Oh, booty call.

SAGAL: Booty call, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Scientists in Australia have just finished an exhaustive study to come up with an official, scientific definition of the term "booty call."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Basically, according to science...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...a booty call is defined as an arrangement where sex is the only objective. Now you know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The scientists are very happy to finally have a name for the thing that never happens to them.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: So now when you call a woman in the middle of the night and you say, look I got whiskey, underwear and doggie treats...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Burning a hole in my Wal-Mart bag.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: ...they've come up with a name for that sort of thing.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Kim do on our quiz?

KASELL: Kim, you had three correct answers so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations.

CHIODO: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

CHIODO: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.