Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our show next week in Kalamazoo, Michigan on March 20th. You can also find out about our podcast How To Do Everything. This week Mike and Ian explain how to tell everyone it's your birthday without being the guy that tells everyone it's your birthday.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

KSENYA GURSHTEIN: Hi. This Ksenya Gurshtein from Washington, D.C.

SAGAL: Could you say your name again, please?

GURSHTEIN: Ksenya Gurshtein.

SAGAL: Is - how do you spell that?

GURSHTEIN: K-s-e-n-y-a.

SAGAL: Wow, so you have to get that K in there quick before you move onto S.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Where does that name come from? What kind of name is it?

GURSHTEIN: I'm an art historian and there's actually a genre of ancient Roman paintings call Ksenya paintings that were designed to welcome strangers.

SAGAL: Really?

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh, Rite Aid now has a Ksenya at the door.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Ksenya. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: In Seattle our cops understand that musicians just might need a hand. Street parking is planned for a venue's demand with the loading zone just for the...

GURSHTEIN: ...band.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Band. The worst - very good. Ksenya, you got it right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The worst part of being a musician is lugging all your gear back and forth from your van unless you count the STDs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Seattle is going to make musicians' lives easier with priority parking for musicians near venues so they don't have to double park. It's weird that being a rock star now has the same benefits as breaking your hip.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: To look like a hunk with some funk I'll raise up the chunk that has sunk. To tighten my tush up my jeans my jeans are a push up. They help me have junk in the...

GURSHTEIN: ...trunk?

SAGAL: Yes, indeed. Junk in the trunk.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Invido Clothing Company has debuted a new line of push-up jeans, which promise to give wearers that sexy, Kim Kardashian backside. The jeans use a mix of special fabrics and stitching to create the appearance of extra girth, also achieved by a competing product: butter.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, I did it the cheaper way, yeah.

CINDY SHUPACK: I (unintelligible) read that though. I think it's - is it cultural?

POUNDSTONE: What have you read?

SHUPACK: That big butts are in.

POUNDSTONE: They're not in. They just are.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Very good. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Stop trying to live through me, mom. This is high school, no cheesy rom-com. That tux and the dress no longer impress. That's why nobody goes to the...

GURSHTEIN: ...prom.

SAGAL: Right, prom.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: Good.

SAGAL: School dances are being cancelled at schools across the country. And according to Business Insider that may be because students prefer to stay home and text each other.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's true. Homecoming dances, winter formals, even prom itself is endangered. It's a shame because in my day boys used to go to the dances and not talk to the girls in person.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Ksenya do on our quiz?

KASELL: Ksenya had three correct answers, Peter, so I'll be doing the voicemail message on her answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done.

POUNDSTONE: There you go.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Ksenya.

GURSHTEIN: Thanks for having me (unintelligible).

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.