Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, its Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first, it's our game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at our number. That's 1-888-WAIT-WAIT also known as 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link on our website, which is WaitWait.NPR.org. You can find out there about attending our weekly live shows that are here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And don't forget our upcoming show at Tanglewood in Lenox, Ma. on August 28. Get your tickets now. Also, you can check out our sister podcast "How To Do Everything." This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to appropriately punish people for posting up-worthy links on Facebook.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

SEAN CARY: (Caller) Hi. How are you doing?

SAGAL: I'm fine. Who's this?

CARY: (Caller) My name is Sean Cary.

SAGAL: I can tell from your accent you're from someplace nice.

CARY: (Caller) Really? Yeah. Lexington, South Carolina.

SAGAL: Lexington, South Carolina. What do you do there?

CARY: (Caller) I'm a court reporter actually.

SAGAL: Are you really?

CARY: (Caller) Yes.

SAGAL: So you're the guy who sits at the front with the little Steno machine and types?

CARY: (Caller) Yeah, except I'm not a Steno machine guy. I'm the guy - I hold a mask to my face. I looked even more bizarre.

SAGAL: Oh, I've seen that. It's very odd. It looks like a little Darth Vader guy sitting at the front of the courtroom.

CARY: (Caller) It does.

SAGAL: And what are you doing? What are you whispering into the mask?

CARY: (Caller) Whatever anyone is saying.

SAGAL: If you're speaking into a device, and you're just repeating out loud what everybody says, why don't you you just record out loud what everybody says?

CARY: (Caller) I'm doing that as well.

(LAUGHTER)

CARY: (Caller) I'm covering my butt.

SAGAL: Well, Sean, welcome to our show. Carl Kasell, of course, is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

CARY: (Caller) Yes.

SAGAL: All right. Here we go. Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL, BYLINE: Dis winter, we're in for a dip freece, and dogs won't go out to the treece. Dey hates indoor sports, and walks are kept short. Dat's why our poor dogs are...

(LAUGHTER)

CARY: (Caller) Oh God. In shorts?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. I'm...

(LAUGHTER)

CARY: (Caller) I know, me too. I'm sure.

SAGAL: I'm speechless because that, ladies and gentlemen, was a Chicago accent and...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: One more time, and listen for the rhyming words.

KASELL: Dis winter, we're in a dip freece, and dogs won't go out to the treece. Dey hates indoor sports, and walks are kept short. Dat's why our poor dogs are...

(LAUGHTER)

CARY: (Caller) Oh my gosh.

SAGAL: Yeah.

CARY: (Caller) I can even - I don't even know what he said.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: And his entire job is to listen to people talk.

SAGAL: It's a thick Chicago accent. It's a little difficult. The answer is obese. Our dogs won't go out to da trees.

CARY: (Caller) Yes. Yes.

SAGAL: You see?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to Chicago vets, the polar vortex not only forced us to sit on the couch and watch every episode of "Cake Boss," it made our dogs fat, too.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We didn't want to go outside. They didn't get to go outside and run around with the dogs. Fine we all need to start losing the weight. But the real problem is all the presents the dog left under the bed are starting to thaw out.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: Those Taco Bell upper banditos...

CARY: (Caller) Upper banditos.

KASELL: ...Sucked thoughts out of me like mosquitoes.

CARY: (Caller) Out of me like mosquitoes.

(LAUGHTER)

KASELL: This intern did well; dreamed up a new shell. I came up with using...

CARY: (Caller) Oh, oh, oh, Doritos.

SAGAL: Doritos.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CARY: (Caller) Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

BURBANK: He was doing his job.

SAGAL: Were you transcribing Carl into a little machine?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We heard you.

CARY: (Caller) It's become a habit.

BURBANK: Your wife has to love that.

CHARLIE PIERCE: Oh wow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week, a group of interns enslaved by Taco Bell back in 1995 claimed they can prove they were the ones who came up with the idea for the now hugely profitable Doritos Taco's Locos. Those are the tacos stuffed inside a giant Dorito, right. The only problem with their case is that anyone who has ever gotten high and eaten Doritos has had this same thought.

(LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: Well, that's why it's a class action lawsuits.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Sean, here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Though known as some slick silk thread gliders, we're also covert gas tank hiders. Now Mazda's appalled. Their cars are recalled. They're ruined because of us...

CARY: (Caller) Gliders, hiders...

SAGAL: Gliders, hiders.

CARY: (Caller) Hiders, whiters...

SAGAL: Silk thread comes into it, also.

CARY: (Caller) Silk thread comes into. Yes. Oh, are you talking about, like a - but caterpillar doesn't rhyme.

(LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: That's right. Very good. Yeah.

CARY: (Caller) Oh, oh, oh, spiders.

SAGAL: Spiders. Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Spiders. It is, in fact, spiders. (LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Mazda is recalling 42,000 sedans 'cause spiders are building webs inside the engines and sometimes cause fires by blocking the flow of fuel. Now, you might ask why are the spiders just infesting Mazdas? Is it that Toyota and Honda were smart enough to install birds in each engine?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. There's a certain valve in the Mazda engine, which is just the wrong shape when it comes to attracting spiders to build their webs. They should not have made the valve look like a big, dead fly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Sean do in our quiz?

KASELL: It took some doing, Peter, but Sean...

(LAUGHTER)

KASELL: But Sean came up with two correct answers so he wins our prize.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done. Yay, Sean.

AMY DICKINSON: Yay.

(APPLAUSE)

CARY: (Caller) Thank you.

SAGAL: That was a nail biter. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.