Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on-air, call or leave a message at 1 - 888 - WAIT WAIT. That's 1-888- 924- 8924 or click the Contact Us link at our website, waitwait.NPR.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows, back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Illinois or our upcoming show in Madison, Wisconsin June 19. Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

PETER CLARK: Hi. This is Peter Clark from Ranchester, Wyoming.

SAGAL: Ranchester, Wyoming?

CLARK: Yes.

SAGAL: Where the heck is that?

CLARK: Halfway between the Black Hills of South Dakota and Yellowstone Park, just at the foothills of the Bighorn Mountains (inaudible).

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Peter, you got that?

SAGAL: Yeah. I'm ready. All right. I'm on my way. Hold on.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What do you do there in Ranchester?

CLARK: Well, I'm a retired FedEx driver.

SAGAL: You're a retired FedEx driver. Were you based in Ranchester?

CLARK: Believe it or not, yes.

SAGAL: I believe you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Peter. Carl Kasell, of course, is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

CLARK: Yes. I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL, BYLINE: Folding boots or reversible drywall, what I buy on an airplane is my call. With my phone on the plane, how I shot grows more sane, and I will not be leafing through...

CLARK: Yup. I haven't got a clue.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: When you drove for FedEx, did you drive everywhere? Do you ever get to fly commercially?

(LAUGHTER)

CLARK: No.

SAGAL: You were driving.

CLARK: That's right.

SAGAL: So you're never going to get this.

(LAUGHTER)

CLARK: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK. It's SkyMall. Ring any bells? SkyMall?

CLARK: Oh. Well, you know, plane service is a little tough in Ranchester.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I can imagine. Turns out, we read SkyMall, that strange catalog, not because we need a windproof dog hovercraft, but because we literally have no other choice. But now that you don't have to turn off your phones on planes, and SkyMall's business model is in trouble. But they don't know what they're going to try. The new products? No. They just need to rebrand the magazine for other places that no one wants to be stuck in and are desperate for distraction. Work mall.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Prison mall. Awkward first date mall.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Very good. You still have two more chances. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Say bye to those boxer shorts, Evan. They'll sail off to underwear heaven. We marked every year on this law chart right here. Don't let them get older than...

CLARK: Seven?

SAGAL: Seven. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Seven.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A new and completely unsurprising survey revealed men tend to hang onto their underwear for an average of seven years before throwing them out.

POUNDSTONE: I - you know what?

SAGAL: What?

POUNDSTONE: No reason to throw them out if they're still working.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, I have to say...

POUNDSTONE: I hold onto my underwear until - I find - I find when the elastic goes out, you can still cut it and tie it. That's what I find...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...And I'm not ashamed of that.

ADAM FELBER: I've got to call this survey out.

SAGAL: Right.

FELBER: Is there anyone who has a pair of seven-year-old underwear and knows how old it is?

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Anybody? I mean - I mean, I know - I know, how old my, you know, Gore-Lieberman underwear is.

SAGAL: Yeah, well...

FELBER: But, you know, but unless -unless it's that...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your last limerick.

KASELL: You can't use our bathroom now, lady. In an hour or two, again, maybe. As the family grew, we ran out of room, and that's where we're keeping the...

CLARK: Baby?

SAGAL: Yes. The baby.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bathrooms used to be the only refuge parents could get from their children, but according to certain parenting blogs, they're now being used by New York parents strapped for space as the baby's room.

(LAUGHTER)

CLARK: Wow.

SAGAL: That's where they keep the baby. That's where the baby lives. If you thought stepping on Legos was bad, wait 'til you sit on one on a toilet seat.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And if you have twins, of course, you have to have bunk toilets. And nobody wants the bottom bunk toilet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Peter do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well, Peter - Peter had two correct answers, so he wins our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

POUNDSTONE: All right.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

FELBER: Come back.

(APPLAUSE)

CLARK: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

CLARK: Thank you very much.

SAGAL: Great to have you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.