Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lighting Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Madison, Wis., on June 19 and our first-ever show at Red Rocks in Colorado on July 10. And check out this week's How To Do Everything. This week, "Breaking Bad" creator Vince Gilligan announces the official statute of limitations on spoiler alerts.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

BECKY FYOLEK: Hi, this is Becky Fyolek from Naperville, Ill.

SAGAL: Hey, not far from here. How are things out there in Naperville?

FYOLEK: Pretty warm.

SAGAL: Now, Naperville's a nearby Chicago suburb. What do you do there?

FYOLEK: I'm a children's librarian.

SAGAL: Well, that's awesome. Can I ask you what your favorite children's book is?

FYOLEK: It's hard. That's like saying to pick a favorite child.

SAGAL: All right.

TOM BODETT: I could do that.

SAGAL: Who's your favorite child?

(LAUGHTER)

FYOLEK: My own.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

FYOLEK: Yes.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL, BYLINE: From luxury shops we conclude that customers hate to be wooed. The exorbitant price on its own isn't nice, and it helps if the sales staff is...

FYOLEK: rude?

SAGAL: Yes. According to a new study in the Journal of Consumer Research, the ruder sales people are at fancy designer stores, the more likely you are to buy stuff. That's because psychologically you want to impress them. This is true. High-end shops are just like middle school.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Except instead of ending up with the cool crowd, you end up with leather pants that don't fit.

BRIAN BABYLON: I don't like jerky sales staff people.

SAGAL: Well...

BABYLON: Like those people in the Apple store with their little polos prancing around.

BODETT: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: But you buy yoga pants. Now how did that come to pass?

BABYLON: Well, no one said I bought yoga pants.

JESSI KLEIN: You still don't?

BODETT: You have yoga pants.

BABYLON: I borrow them.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: That just made it so much worse.

BABYLON: Yeah.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: I am saner and calmer than most, but to visions my food plays the host. Some thoughts from my head project on my bread, and Jesus appears in my...

FYOLEK: Toast.

SAGAL: Yes, toast.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good. Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You may wonder why Jesus appears so often on a piece of toast. Is he stuck in a toaster?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Is this just how Jesus likes to check his look for the day? No. According to a new study by neurologists, our brains are hardwired to see faces in almost anything - toast, stains on the wall, funny-shaped pickles. So seeing Jesus on toast is normal. Seeing Jesus on a bagel, the bagel is confused.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: But why is it so often Jesus? Like, why isn't it, like, oh, I saw Rob Lowe in this muffin.

BABYLON: Because he's everywhere.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: You're right.

SAGAL: Well, it depends. It all depends on who you want to see apparently. Some people..

BODETT: Yeah. Elvis - you see Elvis comes up a lot...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: ...In baked goods.

KLEIN: Elvis - so it's Elvis and Jesus.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: Yeah.

KLEIN: Those are not the people I'd want to see.

BODETT: No.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Ryan Gosling.

KLEIN: Well, I was going to say Steve Buscemi.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: I'm weathered and rough like Bob Dylan, a 12 story, 10 ton mob killa. As Tokyo's running, they're mocking my tummy. Hey, don't call me fat. I'm...

FYOLEK: I have no idea.

SAGAL: That's 'cause you read books.

KLEIN: Yeah.

FYOLEK: I do.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Rhymes with killa, Bob Dilla, mob killa. It's Tokyo - Tokyo running from something?

FYOLEK: Nope.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's Godzilla.

FYOLEK: Oh.

SAGAL: Godzilla. The new Godzilla movie is coming out soon, and critics everywhere, based on the trailers and previews, are complaining that Godzilla is - oh, let's be nice and say - a little big-boned compared to the original Godzilla. Surprisingly, an all-building diet gets fattening, even though it's mostly minerals and fiber with just a few chewy bits inside.

BODETT: Well, if youi're city-smashing monster, a little extra weight would be - would help, right?

SAGAL: Yeah.

BABYLON: You need the way.

KLEIN: Godzilla could be a wrecking ball.

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Becky do?

KASELL: Becky, you're a winner. You had two correct answers. So I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done, Becky.

(APPLAUSE)

FYOLEK: Thank you.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks so much for playing.

(APPLAUSE)

FYOLEK: Thank you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.