Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lighting Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888- 924-8924 or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our first ever show in the mountains outside Denver at the Red Rocks Amphitheater on July 10. Be sure to check out this week's How To Do Everything podcast. This week, we tell you how to overcome your own nerdy name. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

JUDD LAUGHTER: Hi. This is Judd in Knoxville, Tennessee.

SAGAL: Hi. How are things in Knoxville?

LAUGHTER: Beautiful.

SAGAL: I'm glad to hear it. What do you do there?

LAUGHTER: I teach teachers.

>>SAGAL You teach teachers.

LAUGHTER: I teach teachers at the University of Tennessee.

SAGAL: And who taught you to do that?

(LAUGHTER)

LAUGHTER: My teachers.

SAGAL: So what is - I just want to get a little hint here - what is the most single - single most important thing you teach a teacher?

LAUGHTER: Fight the matrix. I don't know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's a good answer. I like that answer. Judd, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is now going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

LAUGHTER: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Our date's nice. I like where you've brung me. And I love how you fill out those dungarees. Though I may be thinner from skipping my dinner, I seek a big mate 'cause I'm...

LAUGHTER: Hungry.

SAGAL: Yes. Hungry. very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a new study from Britain's Westminster University, hungry men are attracted to larger women. This is because we assume overweight people know where the food is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And because if you get really hungry, they can be very filling.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But scientists warned, this attraction to larger people can wear off once you're stated. Scientists call this phenomenon burrito goggles.

(LAUGHTER)

BRIAN BABYLON: Huh.

OPHIRA EISENBERG, BYLINE: I feel like you just figured out something about yourself.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Huh. Everything came crystal-clear.

SAGAL: Oh, my God. All right. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Hairy legs make me look like a brute, but this fashion trains gaining repute. I'm not saying goodbye to a jacket and tie, but now shorts can be worn with a...

LAUGHTER: Suit.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Too long have men been forced to swatter away at summer weddings while women get to wear dresses and skirts. No more. It's now perfectly acceptable, even mainstream to wear shorts with a suit jacket and tie according to Business Insider, also known as not-Vogue magazine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: With strong doubts many rats are beset. Take the place where we've lived since we met. If we traded our sewer for one that is newer, we might not be filled with...

LAUGHTER: Regret.

SAGAL: Indeed, regret.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to a new study, rats feel regret. The experiment examined their food choices, and discovered that rats remember making poor choices. But it goes beyond that for the rats. Why didn't I negotiate for a better hole? Why didn't I take a left turn in that maze? Why didn't I ask that lady scientist out rather than giving her rabies?

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: So rats are smarter than we thought?

SAGAL: Well, they have a richer, deeper, more emotional life.

TOM BODETT: Do they drink? Do they have those kind of problems?

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: No, rats are - seriously, man, 'cause you live in New York, Ophira. Like, rats - 'cause they know things. 'Cause a rat will catch eye contact with you in the subway of New York.

EISENBERG: That's right. They'll come right up to you.

BABYLON: And not move, like, you move, man, I make poor choices. What am I doing? You know, like...

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: I make poor choices.

SAGAL: How many times have you gone into a bar just sitting there, just regretting everything you've done, and there's a rat next to you going, yeah. Been there, man.

BABYLON: Me, too.

EISENBERG: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Judd do on our quiz?

KURTIS: You can tell Judd is a university professor. He got all three right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations. Thanks for playing, Judd.

LAUGHTER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.