Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on the air, give a call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link ON our website, which is waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Newark, New Jersey December 4. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

BETH POLAN-LIMS: Hi, this is Beth Polan from Pittsburgh. How are you?

SAGAL: Hey, Pittsburgh. We were just there. Do you miss us?

POLAN-LIMS: I know. Yeah, you have to come back.

SAGAL: Well, Beth, what do you do in Pittsburgh?

POLAN-LIMS: I am a stay-at-home mom and also an editor.

SAGAL: Oh, I see. Do you try to edit your children?

POLAN-LIMS: No. I try not to.

SAGAL: Wise. Welcome to the show, Beth. Now Bill Kurtis right here is going to perform for you, in his deep, resonant voice, three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

POLAN-LIMS: I sure am. Thank you.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Hit reply and await what comes next. How does that make me feel? Well, perplexed. I commune with my shrink by small letters that blink. My therapy happens by...

POLAN-LIMS: Text.

SAGAL: Right.

KURTIS: Text is right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: New services like Better Help and Talk Space provide unlimited talk therapy via text. You type in your problems, and a licensed therapist is on the other end texting help right back. This is going to be great. The best part of this will be coming up with all the new text abbreviations we will need like MMNLM - my mother never loved me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: AHDTMYF for and how does that make you feel? And as course, MMMMM, which stands for the therapist saying mmmm.

(LAUGHTER)

BRIAN BABYLON: See this Obamacare, man, is not working out.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: It's not working out.

SAGAL: All right, very good. Here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: Here's a secret young dads like to keep, though, spouses are likely to weep. Wee babies awake and make the walls shake. We're only pretending to...

POLAN-LIMS: Sleep.

SAGAL: Yes indeed. Oh, you say that with some bitterness. According to a new survey, 56 percent of new fathers pretend to be asleep when their babies cry in the middle the night, while 44 percent of ne fathers know when they should lie to a survey.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: When asked why they do this, the men said I can't answer that now, can't you see I'm asleep?

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: You know what men should do? They should just start crying too in the bed like the babies.

SAGAL: We do.

ROY BLOUNT JR.: That's one thing to be said for older fathers because often, the older father's schedule at night is the same as the babies.

AMY DICKINSON: That's right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: We ladies should travel the stars. We won't gorge on fat foods and cigars. Our bodies are light, which is great for a flight. We're well-suited for going to...

POLAN-LIMS: Mars.

SAGAL: Right, Mars.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: A writer for Slate recently spent four months in a Mars simulator and has determined that women would be better able to cope with an expedition to Mars. The reasoning is women weigh less and therefore require less fuel for themselves and the spacecraft, meaning food supplies will last longer. They also smell better, which is important in preventing attacks by Martians.

BLOUNT: But when they get to Mars, there won't be any other women there because women are from Venus I believe.

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Oh, yeah.

BLOUNT: They're going to be very popular when they get to Mars.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Beth do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Beth did three and oh, that's A-OK.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, Beth. Say hello to Pittsburgh for me.

POLAN-LIMS: Thank you. I will. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.