Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924 or click the contact us link at our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Orlando, Florida on February 12 if you prefer warmer weather. Also, check out our How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you about a Lego project that takes just 230 years to complete. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

BRANDY DANIELS: Hi, this is Brandy from Nashville, Tennessee.

SAGAL: Your name is Brandy and you live in task Nashville?

DANIELS: I do. Why?

SAGAL: Surely you are a country star.

DANIELS: Oh, God, no.

SAGAL: No? What do you do in Nashville if you are not a country music star, which is a shame?

DANIELS: I'm a PhD student in theology.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Whoa. Hey, Brandy.

AMY DICKINSON: Perfect.

SAGAL: Oh, boy.

POUNDSTONE: This really brings up an excellent point.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: What do you think about the Pope causing millions of adults to wear diapers?

DANIELS: Well, I am not a Catholic theologian so I'll defer that to my Jesuit friends.

SAGAL: Now I should point out to Paula, the Pope is not commanding them to wear the diaper.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Brandy, welcome to the show.

DANIELS: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play?

DANIELS: I sure am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: For our kingdom, I fought a bold fight. My Viagra addressed a big blight. Old groins can now stir so they've made me a Sir. For my pills they have made me a -- it's a hard one.

SAGAL: Brandy, can...

DANIELS: Yeah. It is a hard one.

(LAUGHTER)

DANIELS: I guess I get bonus points. Can you read it again?

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Yes, with pleasure. OK, for our kingdom, I fought a bold fight. My Viagra addressed a big blight. Old groins can now stir so they've made me a Sir. For my pills they have made me add...

DANIELS: Knight.

SAGAL: Yes, a knight.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Knight, knight. Good for you.

SAGAL: Sir Lancelot meet Sir Pantselot. Dr. Simon Campbell, the scientist who invented Viagra, is being knighted this year by the queen of England. And Campbell truly is a British hero. Sir Dr. Simon Campbell, all men of the British Commonwealth salute you, but don't ask how.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: With dairy I seek to combine the Loire and Mosel and Rhine. There's much expertise in pairings with cheese. It's time to mix ice cream and...

DANIELS: Wine.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Wine it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

DANIELS: Yay.

SAGAL: Great news for people hoping to speed up their post-breakup binging. You can now overindulge on wine and ice cream at the same time. A New York dairy has invented wine-flavored ice cream available in flavors like Riesling, cherry merlot, peach white zinfandel and Manischewitz hubby.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Just think, within 10 hours you could have both an ice cream headache and a hangover headache.

BRIAN BABYLON: That don't - I don't know.

POUNDSTONE: A lot of drunks were already doing it.

SAGAL: Yeah.

DICKINSON: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Mr. Bubbles won't swim with his old swish. To his wet vet I go with a bold wish. We pinned down his fins and the surgery begins. Tiny tools will be used on my...

DANIELS: Goldfish.

SAGAL: Yes, goldfish. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Goldfish.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Goldfish. A British man has paid his vet about $500 to perform life-saving surgery on his beloved but constipated goldfish. Now you may question, if you're a sane person, spending roughly the cost of 2,000 new goldfish just to save one old one. But it would have been a tragic irony if the goldfish had died of constipation and then been flushed down the toilet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: By the way, as far as we know, the owner did not observe the surgery itself. So it's possible the surgeon just bought a new goldfish for 50 cents and said look, good as new. Bill, how did Bgandy do on our quiz?

KURTIS: You know, I'm impressed. She got them all.

SAGAL: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done, Brandy. Thank you so much for playing, Brandy.

DANIELS: Thanks. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.