Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lighting Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our March 12 show in New Orleans. Also, check out our sister podcast How To Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian torture beloved public radio personality Peter Sagal.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

JOAN HODGES: Hi my name is Joan, and I'm calling you from Richmond, Va.

SAGAL: How are things in Richmond?

HODGES: Richmond is fine. We didn't get any big blizzard or anything so we're all hanging in there.

SAGAL: Well, I'm sorry you didn't get a blizzard buddy then.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: In Vermont, your blizzard buddy is the people who go in the ditch in front of your house.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: Can I use your phone?

SAGAL: Anyway, Joan, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis right here is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Just fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of them, and you'll be a winner. Are you ready to go?

HODGES: OK, I'm going to try. Thank you.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: If your kids have retained what you taught 'em, it's 'cause mom grew quite big as she got 'em. Her jeans have been kind, and they're not left behind 'cause their mom had a real ample...

HODGES: Bottom.

SAGAL: Yes, bottom.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to a new study, in moms with big butts tend to have smarter babies. The reasoning is that the fat in a woman's butt and thighs contain valuable, organic, biological components that are used to build a child's nervous system, which is surprising because who knew brains were made of Haagen-Dazs?

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Sounds like we have a generation of geniuses coming up in this country, don't we?

SAGAL: We do. The study came from the same researchers who discovered correlation between men who like big butts and those who cannot lie.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I hope that women now will be like, I can't have that chocolate. It's going to go straight to my child's brain.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Here's the gist of a new PR fable. Mickey D's is a lush, high-class label. They want to preserve us by upping their service. Now waiters brings food to our...

HODGES: Tables.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Table it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: McDonald's, the original and most widespread fast food restaurant, is adding table service; the perfect amenity for anybody who's ever been to a McDonald's and said, man, I wish I could spend more time here.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're putting in little screens like little tablets where you can place your order right at the table. And then somebody will bring it to you. So they're eliminating the counter, cash registers. Pretty soon the play space ball pit will be BYO balls.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Looking forward to the waiter coming to your table - good evening, how are you? May I recommend getting out of here as soon as possible.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: In the world of the clever craft brewer, new gimmicks are fewer and fewer. Our water we'll gain from the sludge from your drain. We'll use water we get from the...

HODGES: Oh, no. It's the sewer.

SAGAL: Oh, yes it is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A few weeks ago, we reported on this new, Icelandic craft beer made from whale testicles. And if when we mentioned that you lost your lunch, good news, your lunch is coming back to you. A Portland brewery is making beer from recycled sewage water. It's been retreated; made safe for human consumption. It means that you'll be drinking beer made from another person's former beer.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: By the way, it's not a special edition or anything. The reason it tastes like asparagus is because of poor quality control.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Joan do?

KURTIS: Joan was just perfect.

HODGES: Yay.

SAGAL: Wonderful. Congratulations.

KURTIS: Congratulations.

SAGAL: Thanks Joan.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.