Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924 or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Ill., or our upcoming show in New Orleans, La., on March 12. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

WARD SAXTON: Hello.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

SAXTON: This is Ward Saxton.

SAGAL: Ward Saxton.

SAXTON: Indeed.

SAGAL: In which of the seven kingdoms do you live, Sir Knight?

(LAUGHTER)

SAXTON: I live in the Kingdom of New Jersey.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I've heard that is a cursed and desolate place. What do you do there?

SAXTON: I am an actor/singer/lawyer.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You had me till you got to lawyer.

SAXTON: Thank you.

SAGAL: Well, Ward, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis, right now, is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Ready to play?

SAXTON: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: Here we go.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Dating is testing my mettle. My rose lost its bloom and its petals. So I'll exchange vows with Mr. Right Now. I'm happier if I just...

SAXTON: Settle.

KURTIS: Settle, yes, from the lawyer.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Settle.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We've always heard not to settle when it comes to love. But now experts are saying, hey, look, you're not exactly Ryan Gosling yourself, OK, buddy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The reasoning is is that evolutionarily speaking, settling for less than an optimal mate ensures you will procreate. But what about future evolution? If we don't select the best-looking, most capable mate, we'll go from survival of the fittest to the survival of you'll do.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Considering the number of really ugly animals out there.

SAGAL: Yeah. Really - if you look back to, you know, the deep depths of time, it was a series of organisms looking at each other and going ehh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The first fish to walk on land looked at the other first fish to walk on land and said ehh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What am I going to do? It's Saturday night. I can only breathe oxygen for four seconds at a time. Let's do it and go back home.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: There's a really nice little cave right over there.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: Though a subway poll makes you say ick, it's unlikely to make you get sick. The thought of the germs is making you squirm, but it's fine if you give it a...

SAXTON: Lick.

SAGAL: A lick.

KURTIS: Lick it is.

SAGAL: Science has finally answered an age-old question - is it safe to lick a subway poll?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You'll be happy to know it is. Dr. Chris Mason of Weill Cornell Medical College swabbed surfaces around New York City, tested them for bacteria and stuff. He says our immune systems are strong enough to withstand whatever tends to be on subway polls.

TOM BODETT: Well, how safe will they stay if we start licking them?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: On ergot - a fungus on rye. Our dino brains drift through the sky. It's like LSD, just just organic and free. And we dinosaurs chew to get...

SAXTON: High.

SAGAL: Right. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A new report in the journal Palaeodiversity suggests dinosaurs got high on hallucinogenic mushrooms.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is true.

O'ROURKE: Well, that explains Barney.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now they chose to get stoned on mushrooms because have you ever seen a T-rex try to smoke a joint with its tiny, tiny hands?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This sheds light also on - also, why dinosaurs went extinct. That crazy night the T-Rex got the munchies and ate every other dinosaur.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Ward do?

KURTIS: The winning verdict goes to Ward Saxton. Three and oh.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Ward.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.