Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for that rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link at our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. You can also find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our first ever show at Wolf Trap in Virginia. That's July 23. Also be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian reveal the secret to becoming half man, half cheetah. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

JONATHAN COX: Hi, Peter. This is Jonathan Cox calling from Fayetteville, Ark.

SAGAL: Hey, how are you?

COX: I'm doing all right.

SAGAL: What do you do in Fayetteville?

COX: I am taking a break from grad school.

SAGAL: I see. What do you study in grad school?

COX: I just got my Masters in history of art and archaeology. I focus on Roman architecture.

MOSHE KASHER: Big money, big money, big money.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jonathan. Bill Kurtis is now going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on the limericks, you will be a winner of course. Here, sir, is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: My weight's up and down like a seesaw. I'll eat more whole grains like my Mee-Maw. Andean grain has an ancient health gain. My life is prolonged by some...

COX: OK, yeah. You're going to laugh at me 'cause I had quinoa for dinner.

KURTIS: Oh.

SAGAL: Yes. I knew it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, good news for you then. Harvard researchers have found that eating one bowl of quinoa a day increases your lifespan by 17 percent. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking how can something that tastes like boiled packing peanuts be so good for you? Well, it just has magic. You live an extra five years, but ask yourself - is like eating a bowl of quinoa a day really a life worth living?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here, Jonathan, is your next limerick.

KURTIS: With women, I'm not a chart-topper. I seem dainty and meek and a flopper. I'll be more of a chief if I smell like cooked beef with BK's new perfume of a...

COX: Whopper.

KURTIS: Whopper it is.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, Jonathan. Very well done. Burger King Japan is releasing a new fragrance just in time for spring - Whopper cologne. No more will you have to rub a burger on your pulse points.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's like those AXE body spray commercials. Women will chase you down the street if you wear this stuff. But in your case, they'll find you and turn away in disappointment when they realize you do not come with fries. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: King Midas's throne is hardly cold so I'm prospecting here, truth be told. The sewer, please plug it. There might be a nugget. I'm panning this toilet for...

COX: Gold.

KURTIS: Gold.

SAGAL: Yes indeed. Gold. According to the U.S. Geological Society...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Americans are flushing millions of dollars of gold down our toilets every year. There are apparently tiny flecks of gold in everything - shampoo, detergents, that necklace you ate when you got carried away 'cause the guy wearing it smelled like a Whopper. Experts are working on a plan to recover the gold from treated sewage. And you know what that means - if you see a job listing for modern prospector, do not apply.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jonathan do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Three and oh. Three and oh. Fayetteville.

SAGAL: Very well done, Jonathan. Congratulations and good luck to you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "GOLD DIGGER")

(APPLAUSE)

(APPLAUSE)

KANYE WEST: (Rapping) I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke - broke. Now, I ain't saying she a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke - broke. Get down, girl, go'head, get down. Get down, girl, go'head, get down. Get down, girl, go'head, get down. Get down, girl, go'head. Cutie, the bomb. I met her at a beauty salon with a... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.