Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Hi, you're on WAIT, WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

DANIEL: Hello. I'm Daniel from Grand Rapids, Michigan.

SAGAL: Hey, Daniel. How are you?

DANIEL: You know, I'm doing fantastic. How are you doing?

SAGAL: I'm doing pretty fine. We're having a lot of fun. Thanks for joining us.

DANIEL: Yeah.

SAGAL: So Daniel, what do you do in Grand Rapids?

DANIEL: I am a financial coach for Goodwill Industries.

SAGAL: You're a financial coach for Goodwill Industries?

DANIEL: I am.

SAGAL: So people come in, they're using Goodwill's help to get back on their feet. And you talk to them about - about how to handle their money and stuff?

DANIEL: Exactly.

SAGAL: I'm a big fan of Goodwill. Not only can you buy really nice used clothes, which is why I am the fashion maven that I am.

DANIEL: Well, yes.

SAGAL: ...But everybody there is so incredibly nice.

DANIEL: Well, that's good to hear.

SAGAL: It is. Welcome to the show, Daniel. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner.

DANIEL: All right.

SAGAL: Ready to play?

DANIEL: Yeah, I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here's you first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: The soft ash-gray cotton's a set chance for fashion designers to get grants. With emoji-themed prints, they're no good for wind sprints. I'll get comfy in cute, trendy...

DANIEL: I'm lost. I don't know.

SAGAL: Soft cotton?

O'ROURKE: Everybody wears them on airplanes.

DANIEL: Underpants?

SAGAL: What?

DANIEL: Underpants?

SAGAL: Not underpants, although I think everybody does - I hope everybody does.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Any more guesses?

DANIEL: No more.

SAGAL: How about sweatpants?

DANIEL: Ah, sweatpants. That would do it. Yeah.

SAGAL: Cute, trendy sweatpants. Google recently used their analytics to determine spring's hottest fashion trend. What are people searching for in clothing? And the answer is sweatpants. If you are using search data to decide what's fashionable, you are not fashionable. Now the sweatpants people are searching for, we should let you know, are not like a ratty stuff I wear, but high-end designer sweatpants - the kind you wear when you're eating a frozen Lean Cuisine alone in Paris or Milan.

BRIAN BABYLON: You know, there are these new, like, you know, sweatpant-pants that have, like, sweatpants material.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BABYLON: But they have, like, belt buckles and pockets. And you can, like, wear them. And they hug your bottom so hot.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: You're saying your derriere looks very good in them.

BABYLON: I mean, that could be in the garbage bag.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: But I'm saying - I'm saying these pants are cut like slacks versus, like, you know, athletic...

O'ROURKE: So they're sweat-slacks.

BABYLON: They're sweat-slacks, yeah.

ROBERTS: This is a man with butt pride.

BABYLON: Hmm.

SAGAL: Let's move on. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Though farm fresh eggs made by the pulse quicken, thoughts of owning a bird leave me stricken. But my worries decrease because my poultry is leased, month by month, I am renting a...

DANIEL: Chicken.

SAGAL: Yes, Rent-A-Chicken.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Chicken, it is.

SAGAL: The Pennsylvania company, Rent The Chicken, is offering short-term chicken rentals. You know, just like in that old phrase, why would you buy the cow when you can rent the chicken? For about $150 a month, you get two chickens and you get a coup and you get all the eggs they shoot out. Now when you're at...

>>O"ROURKE: Which is two-a-day.

SAGAL: Yeah. When you're at the rental counter, you probably want to go for the full-size chicken because the compact is just a single buffalo wing.

ROBERTS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Here, Daniel - here, Daniel, is your last limerick.

DANIEL: All right.

KURTIS: Since we're not stitching cow hides together, our bags aren't distressed by the weather. There's a uniform grab to stuff made in a lab. Thanks the cloning, we've grown seamless...

DANIEL: Leather?

SAGAL: Leather. Yes, leather.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Leather, good for you.

SAGAL: You have heard, of course, and probably enjoyed lab-grown meat. But now scientists are working on my lab-grown leather grown from a single bovine cell. It has the texture and feel of real leather. But no cows have to sacrificed their lives. You can grow it in any shape you want - a purse, a pair of shoes, a suitcase, leather pants. Or if you don't want to be tricky about it, a cow.

BABYLON: So if - can they - next will they, like, clone up, like, some fur. And then I can see, like, someone wearing fur and then those PETA people try to, like, paint the thing? Hey, man, this was made in the lab, punk.

O'ROURKE: That's lab mink.

BABYLON: That is lab mink.

O'ROURKE: There will probably be a group...

SAGAL: You go with that, Brian, quietly while I talk to Daniel.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Daniel do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He did great. Daniel got two out of three, and that is a win.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, Daniel. Thanks for playing.

DANIEL: Definitely. Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I'M AN OLD COW HAND")

UNIDENTIFIED SINGER: (Singing) I'm an old cow hand from the Rio Grande. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.