Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lighting Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our first ever show at the beautiful Mann Center outdoors in Philadelphia on July 9. And be sure to check out How To Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to make friends with a penguin. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

ISAAC: Hi. This is Isaac (ph) from Camden, S.C.

SAGAL: Well, hey, Isaac. How are you?

ISAAC: I'm doing great. I'll tell you, really excited to be on the show. It's something I've been trying to do now for, I don't know, maybe about five years.

SAGAL: Wow.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Whoa.

SAGAL: Well, I feel like Tony Robbins. I've helped you achieve a life goal.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Isaac, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis, right now, is going to read three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play?

ISAAC: Let's get it on.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A little scary.

LUKE BURBANK: He's been saving that for five years.

SAGAL: I understand.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: In his regular here's-where-I-go spot, my mechanical dog pops a low squat. He only made a few sparks and some low tinny barks. There's no clean up because he's a...

ISAAC: Robot.

SAGAL: Yes, a robot. Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Robot. Good for you.

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: A new report in the journal Frontiers In Veterinary Science says that because our cities are getting more and more crowded, we'll soon have to replace our dogs with robot dogs. There will be an improvement if they use fewer resources, you don't need to walk them or feed them or take them to the park. But strangely, robots are like real dogs in that they will hump your legs no matter how much you fix them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: At the house where the films du jour play, the usher comes by with your tray. You'll be watching a mobster while eating a lobster. The snacks at this place are...

ISAAC: Taste-ay.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: That's called a South Carolina rhyme.

SAGAL: That so brilliant, I almost want to give it to you. But I want to give you another chance 'cause you're so close. You have the word - you know what the word means, you know what it rhymes with, but I'm sure you'll get it. Here we go.

KURTIS: At the house where the films du jour play, the usher comes by with your tray. You'll be watching a mobster while eating a lobster. The snacks at this place are...

ISAAC: Gourmet.

SAGAL: Yes, gourmet. Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Gourmet. My God. How did you get that?

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: How about that?

SAGAL: According to The Wall Street Journal, the hot new trend in the movie theater business is high-end food like lobster rolls and edamame. It's going to be really weird to go to the concession stand and be like, yeah, could you give me a bottomless oyster bucket and a 64 ounce Merlot Gulp?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: The male attendees can't care less if it's yup or I do or just yes. My bride's lack of threads has missed with their heads. They're gawking to see through her...

ISAAC: Dress.

SAGAL: Yes, dress. Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Dress it is. Dress it is.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: New York recently hosted Bridal Fashion Week, and one trend dominated the runways - see-through wedding dresses. This seems a real departure for the more modest, traditional look. Remember, as your grandma said, why buy the cow when you get to see what the cow looks like naked.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: That does seem like the perfect wedding dress for a couple that met on Tinder.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Unfortunately, even invisible bridesmaids dresses are still somehow ugly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Isaac do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Three for three. Isaac's good. South Carolina.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations, Isaac.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.