Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first is the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you would like to play this game or any of them on air just call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact-us link at our website which is waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our first-ever show at the beautiful Mann Center in Philadelphia July 9. And be sure, while there, to check out How To Do Everything, our sister podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how a tiny little pig can help you ace your finals.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

CAITLIN JENSEN: Hi, this is Caitlin calling from beautiful downtown Tucson, Ariz.

SAGAL: I'm a fan of Tucson and a particular fan of downtown Tucson, so good for you.

JENSEN: Why, thank you.

SAGAL: That's great. What do you do there in downtown Tucson?

JENSEN: Surprisingly enough, I actually help to market downtown Tucson.

SAGAL: Really?

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: Mission accomplished.

SAGAL: I feel like you owe me $50.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Caitlin, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play?

JENSEN: I hope so.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: I'm a Mapplethorpe Rottweiler mixture. When my tail wags, the camera goes click-ture. For my visual blog, follow Instagram dog. I'm a mutt who is taking your...

JENSEN: ...Picture.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Nikon has released a new camera especially for dogs. This is because dogs are the only mammals around who still might want to buy an actual camera. The cameras are attached to your dog's chest by a strap. When they see something that makes them excited and the dog's heart rate accelerates, the cameras snaps a picture, which then gets sent directly to you.

FELBER: So you get a lot of dog butts.

SAGAL: Yeah, basically.

(LAUGHTER)

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: That's great - squirrel...

FELBER: Pile of something not edible.

SAGAL: Yeah. Yeah.

GOLDTHWAIT: Back tire.

SAGAL: Person's leg - close, far, close, far, close, far, close, far.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Some botanicals don't come from plants but from insects, if given the chance. I'm putting my still right by this soft hill. My gin is made mostly from...

JENSEN: Oh, tell me it's not ants.

SAGAL: It is ants.

KURTIS: It is. It is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes, ants - we should say ants, the insect, not aunts, your mother's sisters. At long last, a distiller is selling anti-gin. That's gin flavored with, quote, "the essence of 62 ants." Because sometimes you want to skip the five or six drinks you'll need to throw up and just do it immediately.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: What's ant essence?

SAGAL: I don't know. We're told that it's sort of a citrusy flavor.

FAITH SALIE: What?

SAGAL: Yeah, who knew?

GOLDTHWAIT: Do they have to kill the ants to get their essence?

FELBER: Oh, no, Bob. They put them in a retirement hill afterwards.

GOLDTHWAIT: OK.

SAGAL: They send them to a farm. No, they attach them to tiny, little milking machines to milk their essence.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: I'm ant-milk-intolerant.

SAGAL: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: 'Cause you humans are rude when conversing, after sheering, we're quickly dispersing. This mild-mannered flock doesn't like shepherd's talk. They beat sailors by miles with their...

JENSEN: Cursing.

SAGAL: Cursing, yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Good for you, Caitlin.

JENSEN: Thank you.

SAGAL: An Australian sheep farmer may lose his flock after neighbors complained that he was using bad words in front of his sheep.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Everyone knows sheep are very sensitive to harsh language - must be kept pure and innocent. You don't want your little sheep going, bah-bah, mother-bleeping bah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Caitlin do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Caitlin got three right. What a smart girl from Tucson.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations.

JENSEN: Thank you so much. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.