Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888- WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. Or you can find out about attending our weekly live shows there. You can see us at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and also our upcoming show at the Mann Center in Philadelphia on July 9 and in Louisville, Ky. on September 3. Also check out our sister podcast, How To Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian instruct you on how to care for your beloved pet mutant super chicken.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

CONNOR RYAN: Hey, you all. This is Connor Ryan calling from Denton, Texas.

SAGAL: Hey, Denton Texas - am I right in that there is a university there of some kind?

RYAN: Oh, yes, the great and affordable University of North Texas.

SAGAL: Oh, would I guess that you are an alumna of that - or alumni, I should say?

RYAN: I am going to be next month, so...

SAGAL: So you're not yet. So you're a student there at the University of North Texas.

RYAN: Yes, sir, proud of it, too.

SAGAL: And what are you studying?

RYAN: I'm studying business real estate finance, and I'm going to get my minor in entrepreneurship.

SAGAL: Wow, OK.

RYAN: Yeah, so it's something.

SAGAL: Yeah, you're going to make some money. That's good.

RYAN: That's the game plan.

SAGAL: That's good. And so how much money are you going to make?

(LAUGHTER)

RYAN: Hopefully enough to get out of my parents' house.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: Dream big.

SAGAL: Connor, thanks so much for calling us up. Bill Kurtis is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: My costume's a public pool fail. The drain's clogged 'cause I shed my scales. For mermaids, this pool is really uncool. They said that I can't wear my...

RYAN: Oh, veil?

SAGAL: No, close though. What do mermaids have?

RYAN: They have tails.

SAGAL: Yes, tails.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Canada's mermaid community is furious after an Edmonton woman was banned from wearing her mermaid tail in the local pool. Apparently, Canada has a mermaid community; although technically, I guess we should call it a school.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Authorities claim the tails are a safety hazard. They have been trying to remove mermaids from city pools in Edmonton by casting out a large hook with a handsome sailor on the end. But they have yet to catch anything. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Don't worry, Connor. We know there's not a lot of mermaids in Texas.

RYAN: No, there's not. But there's a lot of rain coming in, so we just might see one soon.

KURTIS: You better keep looking.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Here we go.

SAGAL: They come up when it rains, like worms. They lay there. They flop. All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: We didn't need Mark Bittman's book. Some patience is all that it took. Now Chez chimpanzee is the toast of Paris. We chimps are quite able to...

RYAN: Cook?

SAGAL: Yes, cook.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to new research from Harvard and Yale, if they had the means to do so, chimpanzees would choose to cook their food. And really annoying chimpanzees would choose to cook gluten-free.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: An earthquake's a bowel accelerator. I'm stuck between floors with no ventilator. Let's fix that mistake before the next quake. Have potties built into each...

RYAN: Elevator.

KURTIS: Elevator, you are good.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In the greatest advance in modern civilization we can think of, Japan is considering installing emergency toilets in elevators in case the passengers get stuck in them during an earthquake. Getting stuck in an earthquake in an elevator is the only emergency therefore. You don't get to decide what the emergency is. But where the guy that gets on and says, two, please...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Connor do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Connors scored. He's a winner. Congratulations, Connor.

RYAN: Awesome, thank you all.

SAGAL: Thank you, bye-bye.

(APPLAUSE)

RYAN: All right, bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.