Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or you can click the contact us link on our website, which is waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium back in Chicago. And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian are back to reveal the dark secret of the Queen's royal footmen. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

BEVERLY STODDART: Hi, Peter. It's Beverly calling.

SAGAL: Hey Beverly, how are you?

STODDART: I'm doing great, thank you.

SAGAL: Where are you calling from, Beverly?

STODDART: I'm calling from Windham, N.H.

SAGAL: Windham?

(APPLAUSE)

STODDART: Yes (laughter). Hi, folks.

SAGAL: What do you do there in Windham?

STODDART: Well, I work for the New Hampshire Union Leader. I sell advertising for them.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah, the New Hampshire Union Leader is very important every four years. They're a political paper.

STODDART: Yeah.

SAGAL: They often do endorsements.

STODDART: Absolutely.

SAGAL: Have you run into any presidential candidates there in...

STODDART: I have...

SAGAL: Windham?

STODDART: So many - I've met Donald twice.

SAGAL: You have?

(LAUGHTER)

STODDART: Yes.

SAGAL: Let me tell you something. I mean, I don't know if you spent much time with him. Tell us something nice about him.

STODDART: He is so charming; everybody loved him. He was so nice. He spent all kinds of time with us.

ADAM FELBER: Donald, is that you?

(LAUGHTER)

STODDART: Wait a minute. I've got to fix my hair.

SAGAL: Well, Beverly, welcome to the show. Of course, it's time for the Listener Limerick Challenge. That means that Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks. But he's going to stop before it's over. Your job, finish those limericks. Do that 2 times out of 3, you'll win our prize. That is Carl Kasell's voice. Are you ready to do this?

STODDART: I am.

SAGAL: Let's do it.

BILL KURTIS, HOST:

What's worse than my parents romancing? When dad thinks his moves are entrancing. He thinks he's got game. But I'm dying of shame. I hate it when daddy starts...

STODDART: Dancing?

SAGAL: Right.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

STODDART: Yeah, I got one.

FELBER: Good girl. Good girl.

SAGAL: There are so many things dads do to ruin the lives of their kids, such as just standing there breathing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But according to a study out this week, dancing is the worst thing a dad can do from the kid's perspective. Researchers found that most adults feel 20 percent younger than they really are, which gives them the terrifying courage to do things they shouldn't, like wear skinny jeans or grind up on your mom at your own bar mitzvah.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: (Laughter).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: For dinosaurs, we have a fat wish. But Nessi's been served on a flat dish. She's not a big leader, but a great bottom-feeder. The monster is just a big...

STODDART: Fat fish?

SAGAL: Not quite fat fish. But something that rhymes with fat fish.

FELBER: And is a bottom-feeder.

KURTIS: Bottom-feeder.

STODDART: Flat - sorry, I...

SAGAL: It's OK, it's catfish.

STODDART: Catfish.

SAGAL: Catfish.

STODDART: Oh, OK.

SAGAL: Twenty-four years ago, a man named Steve Feltham gave up his job, his home, his girlfriend to devote all his time to finding Nessie, the Lochness monster. This week, he announced his findings. He says that Nessie never really existed. It was most likely just a very large catfish. He says that he does not regret wasting half his life on something that never panned out.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now that he's solved that mystery, he plans to spend the next two decades planning Donald Trump's inaugural ball.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, now you still have a chance to win this whole thing. Let's hear your final limerick.

KURTIS: Some bachelorettes drink like guppies and paw at the male strippers cuppies. But I would prefer a wet nose and soft fur. And give me a room full of...

STODDART: Puppies.

SAGAL: Puppies.

KURTIS: Puppies it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Puppies.

SAGAL: Puppies.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to the Wall Street Journal, the daily diary of America's very strange dream, puppy parties are the classy alternative to strippers at today's bachelorette parties. You rent a bundle of 10 puppies and get a cuteness explosion instead of a gyrating guy in a g-string. Of course, if you want a wilder night, you combine the two concepts. You get 10 puppy strippers that wear little doggie police outfit. They pretend to arrest you. But don't worry about the puppies. They're doing this by choice. It's how they're going to pay their way through obedience school.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Beverly do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, she got 2 out of 3 for the New Hampshire Leader. So you're a winner, Beverly.

SAGAL: Well done.

STODDART: Yahoo, thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much and thanks for being on our show.

STODDART: All right, thank you.

POUNDSTONE: Bye, Beverly. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.