Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message with at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-8924-8924 or click the contact us link at our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Ann Arbor, Mich., on the October 1 and Des Moines, Iowa, October 29. And check out our How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian teach you how to name your baby. They suggest the names Mike or Ian.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

JANE MOSTUE: Hi, this is Jane Mostue calling from Louisville, Ky.

SAGAL: How are things in Louisville?

MOSTUE: They're good, they're good. They're a little warm.

SAGAL: A little warm. We're coming down to Louisville.

MOSTUE: I know. I will be there.

SAGAL: That's so exciting. What do you do there?

MOSTUE: I work as a case manager for single moms at a local nonprofit.

SAGAL: Oh, that's really good work. I'm not going to make a joke about that. It's important that you do that. That's good for you.

MOSTUE: Thank you.

SAGAL: Well, Jane, welcome to our show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word of phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

MOSTUE: Absolutely.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: This hotel room is not quite Queen Anne. And let's hope we will not need the can. But it's great for a stakeout, and, yes, a quick make-out. We're parked by the road in a...

MOSTUE: Van?

SAGAL: Yes, a van.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to CNN, the hippest hotel in New York City is a Chevy van for only $22 a night. You can go through Airbnb and rent the back of a van owned by a man named Jonathan.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Stay there, he says it's not for everyone. For example, it's not for people who need electricity, running water or a bathroom. And if someone knocks on your door and says room service, do not answer it.

BRIAN BABYLON: But you know what? That is - that is what Mitt Romney was talking about, man. That is a small business. He built it. America.

SAGAL: It's an entrepreneur, man.

(LAUGHTER)

MAURICE ROCCA: Yep.

SAGAL: You've got to give him credit.

BABYLON: Yup.

SAGAL: And you've got to give credit to the Starbucks he parks in front of so his guests can go in and use the bathroom.

ROCCA: I commute. I want you to know that I can use a Starbucks bathroom without ever touching my hands to anything in it. I can do the entire thing with my feet, and I'm going to do a video. And I'm going to put it online to show...

FAITH SALIE: Do you open the door with your elbow?

ROCCA: I open the - I use my foot. I can use my foot.

SALIE: To open the door?

ROCCA: Yep. I can do the entire thing - yeah, I really can because I'm very...

SALIE: So hygienic.

ROCCA: ...Nobody can see this on radio, obviously, but I'm very flexible.

BABYLON: Whoa.

ROCCA: So I can get my foot up...

BABYLON: Whoa.

(APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: And then I can even with the toe - I can even - like the bolt, like, to lock it.

SAGAL: Your...

ROCCA: But I can do the entire thing.

SAGAL: Your kung fu technique is very powerful, padawan. All right, here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: At portrayals in films, I'm appalled. At a young age, my follicles stalled. In movies the villains who do all the killing, aren't shaggy, but totally...

MOSTUE: Bald.

KURTIS: Bald it is.

SAGAL: Yes indeed...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Bald. Sure, Hollywood has long been guilty of mistreating women and minorities. But what about the bald white guys? Who speaks for us? If you see a bald guy in a movie, you know he is the bad guy, right? It's Lex Luthor, it's Dr. Evil, it's Sinead O'Connor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: One man, one brave bald voice, has started a video campaign to call attention to Hollywood's anti-bald bias. It's quite moving. If you haven't seen it, imagine that Sarah McLachlan's Humane Society ads, but instead of a sad dog, she's cradling Jason Alexander.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Is there something about you bald men that makes you evil?

BABYLON: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah, what is it Brian?

BABYLON: They miss the smell of Pantene Pro-V. They miss conditioner in their hair.

SAGAL: What do you mean they?

BABYLON: I'm bald, I'm bald. But I'm black bald. That's sexy.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: I'm just saying, baby.

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: For pop songs I never would settle. Now I'm aging, but still in fine fettle. There's a spring in my walk 'cause I really could rock. I feel great 'cause I love heavy...

MOSTUE: Metal.

SAGAL: Yes!

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Contrary to the way they might look, fans of Slayer and Motley Crue, back in the day, are doing better than everyone else now. A study of the lives of headbangers found that they are, in their later years, more well-adjusted, healthier and unpleasantly pierced than others who didn't listen to heavy metal. The theory is that even though their lifestyle included drugs, a diet of live bats and listening to really terrible music, they were part of a very strong community with healthy bonds. It's very good for you. Also, many of them are still into metal today if you count hips.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jane do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Just like American Pharaoh at the Derby in Louisville, three and oh.

SAGAL: Whoa, I was wondering where you were coming with that.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done. Thank you so much for playing our game.

MOSTUE: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

MOSTUE: Bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.