Panel Round Two

Transcript

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Maz Jobrani, Roy Blount, Jr., and Amy Dickinson. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Carl checks the rhyme in the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Maz, the life of a politician is not easy, especially in the United Kingdom. According to a new report, Britain's House of Commons has paid out a large sum of money to a man injured when he did what?

MAZ JOBRANI: A man injured when he did what, the House of Commons paid this?

SAGAL: Yes. It's a rather British thing to do.

JOBRANI: Rather British thing to do? When he held an umbrella.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes.

AMY DICKINSON: What?

SAGAL: He did.

JOBRANI: Really?

SAGAL: It happened with an umbrella.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: He tripped over it.

JOBRANI: Are you serious?

SAGAL: He tripped over an umbrella.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The British spend so much time concentrating on talking with an English accent, it's hard, that they don't pay attention to where they're going. And this guy tripped over an umbrella and got $200 for the damages. Parliamentary employees have been paid tens of thousands of dollars in workman's comp for personal injuries and property damage. Among the injuries, $435 for five ripped suit jackets, $240 for damage to glasses due to a problem with a door.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Ninety dollars for trousers ripped whilst connecting IT equipment under the table.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Taxpayers were furious when these charges were revealed to the public. And when called for comment, a House of Commons spokesperson chipped his tooth on the phone and burst into flames.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: If these guys have done such a great job with their stereotype that you said very British and I held an umbrella.

SAGAL: There you go.

DICKINSON: Crazy.

SAGAL: It's tough to do. It takes centuries. Maz, a company in Utrecht knows that finding your soulmate seems impossible. Thankfully, there's a service that will provide you with a boyfriend that is what?

JOBRANI: This company in the Netherlands...

SAGAL: Yes.

JOBRANI: ...knows that finding your soulmate is impossible?

SAGAL: They want to solve the problem for all those people, men and women, who are looking for the perfect boyfriend.

JOBRANI: For the perfect boyfriend.

SAGAL: And they've got it covered. This boyfriend is what?

JOBRANI: Is fake.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It is fake.

DICKINSON: That's how he's perfect.

JOBRANI: Fake boyfriend.

SAGAL: Yes. All you need is a true desire in your heart, an openness to love, some yarn and some needles.

JOBRANI: Oh, this is an embroidered...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Embroidered?

JOBRANI: No, you know...

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: You know what I'm saying.

DICKINSON: You got to brush up on your needlework.

JOBRANI: I know. Knit a...

SAGAL: A knitted boyfriend.

JOBRANI: Knitted boyfriend.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The world's first knitted boyfriend. Are you the kind of person who wants companionship but doesn't want to deal with the hassle of your companion having a mouth, heart or brain?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Let me introduce you to my knitted boyfriend, individually made in the Netherlands. My knitted boyfriend is the perfect man so long as your two markers for perfection are made out of cotton and can keep the crows out of your cornfield.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: That just shows you what pigs men are. Men create this sex doll and women just want this knitted thing that...

SAGAL: Yeah, I mean, it's great. It's such a great boyfriend. It lets you watch your TV shows without complaining. It cuddles all night. And you can put hot dishes on it. It's fine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Amy, single guys are getting some valuable new dating advice, thanks to a new study. Women, according to this study, think men are more attractive if they do what?

DICKINSON: Is it a grooming?

SAGAL: No.

DICKINSON: Is it a - oh. More - laugh.

SAGAL: No. I'll give you a hint. Amy, women think men are more attractive if they do what?

DICKINSON: Oh, you're doing it now? You're doing it now?

SAGAL: I was attempting.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Did you find me more attractive?

DICKINSON: I did.

SAGAL: And what was I doing?

DICKINSON: It was like you were talking in a monotone.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Speaking in a monotone...

JOBRANI: Really?

SAGAL: ...apparently makes men more attractive.

DICKINSON: And you know what? It really kind of worked.

SAGAL: Did it really?

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Yeah.

SAGAL: Did you feel something?

DICKINSON: I did. I did.

SAGAL: A little flutter in your tummy?

DICKINSON: I felt something.

SAGAL: Yeah. This is from the journal, Archives of Sexual Behavior.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to this, men who speak in a monotone are sexier simply because we associate monotone with authority. Come with me if you want to live, you know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or because women who hear monotone voices think, boy, he's boring and yet clearly his parents reproduced, so there must be something in the genetic line that he's got going for him.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now we wanted to test this theory. So, ladies in particular, but not exclusively, you know, huddle up close to your radio and listen to Carl do his sexy monotone.

KASELL: You had me at hello.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF CHEERING)

SAGAL: That was exciting. That was exciting. See what I mean?

JOBRANI: That's not as much monotone as like reading, like, for kids. It's like...

SAGAL: No, no.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: That was kind of terrifying.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: That's like Carl - like if Carl ever were a computer voice.

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOBRANI: I had you at...

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Hello.

JOBRANI: ...hello.

SAGAL: (Unintelligible) it's like if you think about it, you know, you get that sort of Don Draper, right, versus Don Knotts. You know, no one wants, I wish I knew how to quit you.

(LAUGHTER)

ROY BLOUNT JR.: But what if it's a high-pitched monotone? I wish I knew how to quit you.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.