Pickup Lines Throughout History

Transcript

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: From NPR and WNYC, live from The Bell House in beautiful Brooklyn, N.Y., it's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia, ASK ME ANOTHER. Here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

(APPLAUSE)

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Thank you, Jonathan. I don't know what kind of books were read to you when you were a child. I got a lot of "Cinderella," and honestly, I really wanted to be one of the mice...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: ...Right, 'cause they have that cute little hole-in-the-wall home, and inside of it, there's, like, a matchbox bed and little cotton balls for pillows and a spool of thread as a kitchen table. I loved it. Little did I know, I was preparing myself for living in a New York apartment.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Our VIP is a breath of fresh air as a children's book author. His books are funny, irreverent and appeal both to parents and their kids, and no, the pigeon did not make me say that. Our VIP is author Mo Willems.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: And our first game is called Pickup Lines Throughout History, and here are our first two contestant, David Allan and Mark Lee.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: So you're both smart. You both have worked in government positions at some point or for the government. You both have traveled. David, what is the ideal pickup line that would work on you?

DAVID ALLAN: Are you that contestant from ASK ME ANOTHER?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Oh, yeah. That's lovely. Well done.

ALLAN: Thanks.

EISENBERG: Well played.

ALLAN: Thank you.

EISENBERG: I think you'll make it to the final round.

(LAUGHTER)

ALLAN: All right, all right.

EISENBERG: How about you, Mark?

MARK LEE: Well, I'm a huge fan of "The Terminator" movies, so what really get to me is, come with me if you want to love.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: I want to go home with you right now. That's amazing.

LEE: Yep - relationship material.

COULTON: That's great.

EISENBERG: All right, forget the game. Let's keep going.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: In this game, we're going to give you a few pickup lines that we like to think famous historical figures used, and all you have to do is identify who you think could have delivered that line. And here to help me is a man who does not need a pickup line because he plays guitar.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Our one-man house band, Jonathan Coulton.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Hello, ladies. So here is an example pickup line. Is it hot in here, or is it just you 'cause you are hotter than "Fahrenheit 451," the novel that I wrote.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: That would be a probably not-very-successful pickup line used by author Ray Bradbury.

EISENBERG: I think it would work.

COULTON: Yeah. Well, depends.

EISENBERG: Yeah, at a Comic-Con.

COULTON: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: So ring in when you know the answer, and the winner will, of course, move on to our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show. I can read you like a book, but I'll need to use my fingers. No, no, no, don't worry. I invented an alphabet to help blind people read and write.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Mark?

LEE: Louis Braille.

EISENBERG: Yes, Louis Braille.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: That Louis's all hands.

LEE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

LEE: He has to be.

EISENBERG: He has to be.

COULTON: You look like a girl who can hold her whiskey. Can I interest you in a Tennessee spirit from the oldest registered distillery in America, named after yours truly?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: David?

ALLAN: Jack Daniel's.

COULTON: Jack Daniel, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Want to go out tonight? Before you shoot me down, you should know that my own shotgun skills inspired an Irving Berlin musical.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: David?

ALLAN: I can't remember.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: OK. Mark, can you steal?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

LEE: "Annie Get Your Gun."

EISENBERG: I'm going to go to our puzzle guru, John Chaneski. What do think about that, John?

JOHN CHANESKI, BYLINE: Not good enough, I'm afraid. I'm sorry.

EISENBERG: Yeah, 'cause you like the musical, but not - we were looking for Annie Oakley. Yeah. She's pissed by the way.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: 'Cause she has a gun.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right. Watch out.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Hey, baby - that's just the start of the pickup line.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Watching you on the dance floor has made me think that maybe you could use some fries with that shake. I turned McDonald's into a nationwide restaurant chain, so I've got plenty of fries and shakes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Mark?

LEE: Ray Kroc.

COULTON: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Better than 99 million served, baby.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Check out the dollar menu.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I'm not loving it.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Why don't we take this to my bedroom? Actually, you're standing in it. That's right, darling, that bookshelf transforms into my patented bed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: David?

ALLAN: Murphy?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Puzzle guru, John Chaneski?

CHANESKI: Yes, William L. Murphy. Very good, David.

EISENBERG: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Is it a bed? Is it a trap?

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Can it be both?

EISENBERG: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants using NASA's first major space telescope, which was named after me.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Mark.

LEE: Hubble.

COULTON: Hubble, yes, Edwin Hubble. That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: And this is your last question. Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy. I'm the reggae superstar who sang "No Woman No Cry."

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: David.

ALLAN: Bob Marley.

EISENBERG: Bob Marley is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Let's go to our puzzle guru. John Chaneski, how did our contestants do?

CHANESKI: We have a tie.

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EISENBERG: We have a tie.

CHANESKI: And that means we go to a tiebreaker. Here's your tiebreaker. Do you come here often? I was the first one here. If by here you mean the moon.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHANESKI: David.

ALLAN: Neil Armstrong.

CHANESKI: Neil Armstrong is correct. Congratulations, David, well done.

(APPLAUSE)

CHANESKI: We'll see you again at our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BUY U A DRANK")

T-PAIN: (Singing) Let me buy you a drank. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.