Speed Dating For Seniors Who Aren't Interested In Slowing Down
The idea of speed dating for people over 70 can evoke laughs from anyone who's younger, along with reactions from "how cute" to "how silly" to "how gross." And while the documentary The Age of Love does have plenty of ha-ha moments, most of the time its subjects are reflecting on a need for intimacy that never seems to die.
"I want that guy that — when I'm doing dishes — will come up behind me and nuzzle my neck and give me a hug," says Donna Capuano, one of the women featured in the film. "I want that guy that will pick up the phone and call me during the day just because he's thinking of me. That's who I am."
So why not try speed dating? At an Italian restaurant near Rochester, N.Y., 15 women and 15 men ages 70 to 90 met to judge and be judged, for five minutes at a time. Filmmaker Steven Loring profiled 20 of the participants — widowed, divorced or lifelong singles — and followed them before, during and after their speed dating adventure.
Particularly powerful are the scenes in which some of the speed daters — alone with Loring and his camera — open the envelopes that will tell them whether the ones they liked liked them back. Loring says being there for these moments was as full of drama as anything you remember from high school.
"If a 75-year-old woman opens up an envelope from a speed dating event and doesn't get the man she was hoping for — and bursts into tears — what 16-year-old girl in America wouldn't understand exactly what she was feeling at that moment?" Loring says.
The Age of Love will not be playing at a theater near you, at least not anytime soon. Loring has been focused on getting it in front of older adults who might be inspired by it. So except for a handful of film festivals, it's mainly showing at senior centers and housing developments for older adults like Merrill Gardens in San Diego, Calif.
Jim and Sheila Soules — ages 87 and 76 — gave it mixed reviews. Jim felt that it was too slow. Sheila found it entertaining, though also sad.
The Soules met four years ago in what Sheila describes as "the old folks home next door." They were both widowed and never thought they'd get married again. But they did, and what they've found in each other is what everyone in The Age of Love is looking for.
"It is different the umpteenth time around," Sheila says. "I had a wonderful marriage and I never thought I'd have that sort of intimacy and connection ever again. And I have, and it's wonderful."
So much so that even the speed daters in The Age of Love who didn't find a match say they won't stop trying.
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Transcript
MELISSA BLOCK, HOST:
We're going to hear next about a new documentary with a simple message - people want to find that special someone no matter their age. It's called "The Age Of Love." NPR's Ina Jaffe covers aging and introduces us to this film about a speed dating event for seniors.
INA JAFFE, BYLINE: Oh, that's hilarious was the reaction I heard most frequently when describing "The Age Of Love" to friends and acquaintances. Well, the film definitely has its ha ha moments, but most of the time it lets its subjects reflect on that need for intimacy that never seems to die. This is a woman called Donna.
DONNA CAPUANO: I want that guy that when I'm doing dishes will come up behind me and nuzzle my neck and give me a hug. I want that guy that'll pick up the phone and call me during the day just because he's thinking of me. That's who I am.
JAFFE: So why not try speed dating?
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
JAFFE: Fifteen women spend five minutes with each of the 15 men at an Italian restaurant in the Rochester, N.Y., area. All were in their 70s and 80s.
UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: What makes Matt happy?
MATT: Baking, cooking.
UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: Oh, you like to cook.
MATT: I love to cook.
UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: Great.
MATT: I bake pies - apple pies, apple prune pies.
UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: My goodness.
MATT: Pecan pies.
JAFFE: Five minutes to judge and be judged.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: Time to move (laughter). Nice talking to you.
JAFFE: Filmmaker Steven Loring profiled 10 men and women - widowed, divorced or lifelong singles - and followed them before, during and after their speed dating adventure. Particularly powerful are the scenes where some of the speed daters, alone with Loring and his camera, open the envelopes that will tell them of the ones they liked liked them back.
UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: It's kind of scary, you know? Oh, my God, there's five of them.
JAFFE: Loring says being there for these moments was as full of drama as anything you remember from high school.
STEVEN LORING: If a 75-year-old woman opens up an envelope from a speed dating event and doesn't get the man she was hoping for and burst into tears, what 16-year-old girl in America wouldn't understand exactly what she was feeling at that moment?
JAFFE: "The Age Of Love" will not be playing at a theater near you - at least not anytime soon. Loring has been focused on getting it in front of older adults who might be inspired by it. So except for a handful of film festivals, it's mainly shown at senior centers and housing developments for older adults, like Merrill Gardens in San Diego, where, truthfully, it got mixed reviews.
JIM SOULES: I thought that this was too slow.
SHEILA SOULES: It was entertaining. In some ways, it was sad.
JAFFE: That's Jim and Sheila Soules. He's 87, she's 76.
S. SOULES: My husband and I met four years ago in the old folks home next door.
JAFFE: They were both widowed, never thought they'd get married again, but they did last year. And what they found in each other is what everyone in "The Age Of Love" is looking for.
S. SOULES: It is different the umpteenth time around, certainly. I mean, I had a wonderful marriage and I never thought I'd have that sort of intimacy and connection ever again. And I have and it's wonderful.
JAFFE: So much so that even the speed daters in "The Age Of Love" who didn't find a match say they won't stop trying.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "TAKING A CHANGE ON LOVE")
UNIDENTIFIED MAN: (Singing) Takin' a chance on love.
JAFFE: Ina Jaffe, NPR News.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "TAKING A CHANGE ON LOVE")
UNIDENTIFIED MAN: (Singing) Were a frame-up I never would try. Now I'm taking the game up and the ace of hearts is high. Things are mending now. I see a rainbow... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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