Sports, Explicated

Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Let's say hello to our next two contestants, Alex Knight and Steve Bahnaman.

ALEX KNIGHT: Hello.

STEVE BAHNAMAN: Hi.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Alex, first lieutenant in the U.S. Army.

(APPLAUSE)

KNIGHT: Thank you.

EISENBERG: And you're into sports and fantasy sports.

KNIGHT: Yep. All of those.

EISENBERG: All of them. Any sports possible. You went to West Point. What is West Point's mascot?

KNIGHT: It is the Black Knight.

EISENBERG: The Black Knight.

KNIGHT: Which is fitting. My last name is Knight, so...

EISENBERG: So that's how you got in?

KNIGHT: Possibly.

(LAUGHTER)

KNIGHT: It might not have been the grades. I'm not sure though.

EISENBERG: Is there a mule somewhere there, too?

KNIGHT: There is an Army mule, yeah. There's two Army mules actually.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

KNIGHT: And they change names every, maybe, year or so. It's very - it's a rotational basis. But I think, right now, it's Ranger Three and Striker are the two Army mules. So they have mules running around at the games. It's not even...

EISENBERG: Really?

KNIGHT: ...Not even a football game.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yeah. It's just a place for mules to run around.

KNIGHT: Yeah.

EISENBERG: And then these guys that are...

KNIGHT: It's fun.

EISENBERG: ...That are blocking them.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Steve - a librarian at Campbell University.

BAHNAMAN: Yes, I am.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Thank you.

EISENBERG: And what is the Campbell University mascot?

BAHNAMAN: The Fighting Camels.

EISENBERG: Oh, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BAHNAMAN: The Fighting Camel's name is Gaylord, after Gaylord Perry...

EISENBERG: Sure it is.

BAHNAMAN: ...Who is a pitcher from the '60s who went to Campbell University.

EISENBERG: Yeah. All right, so we have knight versus camel.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I feel like this matchup has happened before.

(LAUGHTER)

BAHNAMAN: It doesn't go well for me.

KNIGHT: I feel like mine is more fair, yeah.

EISENBERG: Yours is more fair?

KNIGHT: With the last name thing.

BAHNAMAN: Yeah. I'm also be subjected to 500 years of colonial rule.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: We don't need a game. We just need more interview.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Let's see what happens. Now, let's play a game. This round is called Sports Explicated. We're here in the Research Triangle, which is famous for its many colleges and universities and its college sports teams. In this game, we're going to give you some brainy, literal, adjective-driven descriptions of some college sports teams, and you have to give us the actual team name. Let's go to our puzzle guru, Art Chung, for an example.

ART CHUNG, BYLINE: So if I said the cobalt imps, that would be a nerdier way to say the Blue Devils.

(BOOING)

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: Wow, there's a lot of emotion out there.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Maybe a fight will breakout during the game. Wouldn't that be fun?

EISENBERG: It's a dream come true. A public radio fight? Oh, my God.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: It's, like, going to be, like, sudoku versus kenken.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: All right. So you don't have to name the school, you just have to name the nickname. All right, let's play. The contentious Celts.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Steve.

BAHNAMAN: The Fighting Irish?

EISENBERG: Yes, indeed.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Although, we made them sound more like the grumpy Irish with contentious, but, still, you're correct. The blood torrent.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Alex.

KNIGHT: The Crimson Tide.

EISENBERG: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Also a rejected episode name of "Game Of Thrones."

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: The Mesoamerican grain strippers.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Steve.

KNIGHT: The Cornhuskers.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: University of Nebraska - who were their rivals, the lettuce tearers?

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Those guys are not so tough.

EISENBERG: The carrot dicers? It just sounds - come on, now. The rather than laters.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Steve.

BAHNAMAN: The Sooners.

EISENBERG: The Sooners. All right. The Iberian hybrid cattle with lengthy keratin projections on their heads.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Steve.

BAHNAMAN: The Longhorns?

EISENBERG: The Longhorns, yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: The athletes who do good deeds for free.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Steve.

BAHNAMAN: The Volunteers.

EISENBERG: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: University of Tennessee. They've got to be scary. The Volunteers have to be a scary, scary team - right? -because what's at stake? Good will.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Right. They're just doing it because they're just doing it. That's why.

EISENBERG: That's right. The yellow, fruit-like ,shell-less gastropod mollusks.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Steve.

BAHNAMAN: The Banana Slugs.

EISENBERG: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

BAHNAMAN: Of UC Santa Cruz, I believe. Yeah.

EISENBERG: Yes, you believe correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Who's your favorite player, Steve?

(LAUGHTER)

BAHNAMAN: I had a friend who went there. He didn't even play there.

EISENBERG: All right. This is your last question. The savage carnivorous weasels that look like Hugh Jackman.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Steve.

BAHNAMAN: The Wolverines.

EISENBERG: The Wolverines.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Puzzle guru, Art Chung.

CHUNG: Sorry, Alex. I knew you knew all the answers, but Steve was a little bit faster on the buzzer. Congratulations, Steve, you're moving on to our final round.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Coming up, we'll talk to our VIP, John Darnielle, about sad songs, death metal, North Carolina and his new novel, "Wolf In White Van," so stick around. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and this is NPR's ASK ME ANOTHER. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.