Thank You Notes

Transcript

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: From NPR and WNYC, live from The Bell House in beautiful Brooklyn, N.Y., it's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia, ASK ME ANOTHER. Here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Thank you, Jonathan. Our VIPs play a couple on HBO's "Looking," a show about looking for happiness, your place in the world and of course love. And I know what it's like to spend a lot of time looking for Mr. Right. You go through years of dating Mr. Wrongs; some of them that you find out are Mr. Wrong because they were also looking for Mr. Right.

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EISENBERG: And in TV land, you hope that search for love lasts at least six seasons. But in real life...

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EISENBERG: ...You hope you find the one just before last call. We're in for a real San Francisco treat with our VIPs Jonathan Groff and Raul Castillo.

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EISENBERG: We'll be talking to them later in the show. But let's welcome right now our one-man house band, Jonathan Coulton.

COULTON: Hello, everybody.

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EISENBERG: And our first game is called Thank You Notes. Here are our contestants Harmony Barker and Trevor Silverstein.

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EISENBERG: Welcome to you both. Harmony, you have been known to use "Lord Of The Rings" quotes and historical trivia to turn away potential suitors.

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HARMONY BARKER: Yes. So when you're on a dating site...

EISENBERG: Yes.

BARKER: ...And you list "Lord Of The Rings" as an interest, you get some interesting come-ons.

EISENBERG: Sure.

BARKER: A standout of this was a dang, girl, you got the attention of my Barad-dur...

EISENBERG: Oh.

BARKER: ...Which is a spiky two-pronged tower with a flaming eye on the top.

EISENBERG: Sure it is.

BARKER: And I felt of the "Lord Of The Rings"-related anatomical humor, that was not the best that this person could do...

EISENBERG: Well, it's a humble brag.

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BARKER: ...And I told him so. He responded with a gif of the tower falling down.

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EISENBERG: Trevor, how would you respond to someone's dating profile, such as Harmony, that says that she's really into "Lord Of The Rings"?

TREVOR SILVERSTEIN: Well, I'd say why don't you come over. We'll hang out and we'll watch it, you know?

BARKER: That's the right answer.

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EISENBERG: That is the right answer. Trevor, are you seeing anyone?

SILVERSTEIN: I have a girlfriend, yes. She couldn't be here tonight unfortunately.

EISENBERG: Well.

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EISENBERG: Thank you cards - have you ever received one?

SILVERSTEIN: A few.

EISENBERG: A few. How long do you keep them? Let's figure this little bit of etiquette out right now. How long do you think you should keep a thank you card?

SILVERSTEIN: I think if it's funny I'll usually keep it. But if it's just a simple thank you, I kind of toss it.

EISENBERG: So it depends on the content?

SILVERSTEIN: I think so, yeah.

EISENBERG: Yeah. All right, good. Judgy, I like it.

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EISENBERG: Harmony, what do you think?

BARKER: I am known for keeping cards forever, especially if the card is sparkly.

EISENBERG: Oh.

BARKER: It stays in a drawer forever until I have to move and then I can throw it out.

EISENBERG: There you go. A little tip for you, Trevor.

SILVERSTEIN: Yeah.

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EISENBERG: So in this game we're actually going to send some long overdue thank you notes and all you have to do is identify the sender. Let's go to Jonathan Coulton for an example, please.

COULTON: All right. So here's one that we found. Dear Pope Julius the Second, thank you for hiring me to paint the Sistine Chapel. I'm glad that you agree that Adam did not need pants. Sincerely, who are we talking about? And of course you would say, Michelangelo.

EISENBERG: OK. So we're looking for the sender of these thank you notes and the winner will move on to our Ask Me One More Final Round at the end of the show. Here's your first one. Dear Ronnie, spasibo for suggesting that I tear down that wall. Berlin seemed so much roomier with it gone. Next we should steam clean that Iron Curtain. Sincerely, who?

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EISENBERG: Harmony.

BARKER: Gorbachev.

EISENBERG: That is correct, yes. Well done.

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EISENBERG: He was a real jokester, as you can tell from that thank you card.

BARKER: Funny guy.

COULTON: Funny guy, funny guy.

EISENBERG: Hammer and tickle, that's what they called him.

COULTON: I don't think that's why they called him that.

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COULTON: Dear Sergey and Larry, thank you for buying YouTube and for keeping it free. My "Gangnam Style" video has been played over 2 billion times on your site. Take that, keyboard cat.

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COULTON: Harmony.

BARKER: Psy.

COULTON: Psy is correct.

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EISENBERG: Dear Kanye, thanks for all the support. I appreciate your award show interruptions on my behalf. Just saying, this grown woman can speak for herself. Don't make me go Solange on your ass. Sincerely, who?

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EISENBERG: Harmony.

BARKER: Beyonce.

EISENBERG: That's right, yeah.

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COULTON: Dear Bill Rehnquist, thanks to you and the Supreme Court for straightening out that Florida mess. That was a close one.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: Al Gore sure mis-underestimated me. P.S. Laura made me write this.

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COULTON: Harmony.

BARKER: George W. Bush.

COULTON: Yes, you're right.

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EISENBERG: Dear Stephanie Meyer, I can't thank you enough. Your "Twilight" books inspired me to write the Bella, Edward fanfiction that turned into "Fifty Shades Of Grey." Even hardware stores are thanking me for the sales spike in duct tape and rope. Sincerely, who?

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EISENBERG: Trevor.

SILVERSTEIN: E. L. James.

EISENBERG: E. L. James.

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COULTON: I think we've found Trevor's area of expertise.

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COULTON: Dear Neil deGrasse Tyson, thanks a lot for leading the charge to downgrade me. Now all of the other planets make fun of me for being tiny. Neptune can be so cruel.

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COULTON: Harmony.

BARKER: Pluto.

COULTON: You got it.

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EISENBERG: All right. This is your last clue. This is actually a real-life thank you note. We didn't make it up. Dear Mr. Ford, while I still have got breath in my lungs, I will tell you what a dandy car you make. I have drove Fords exclusively when I could get away with one, even if my business hasn't been strictly legal. It don't hurt anything to tell you what a fine car you got in the V8. My wife, Bonnie, swears by it, too.

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EISENBERG: Harmony.

BARKER: Clyde.

EISENBERG: That is Clyde. Yeah, Clyde Barrow, yes.

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EISENBERG: Puzzle guru Art Chung, how did our contestants do?

ART CHUNG, BYLINE: I have another thank you note. Dear Trevor, thank you for playing. But Harmony is moving on to our Ask Me One More Final Round at the end of the show.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.