Totally Rad Sayings

Transcript

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: From NPR and WNYC, live from Central Park SummerStage, it's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia, ASK ME ANOTHER. Here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

(APPLAUSE)

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Thank you, Jonathan. In honor of the 30th anniversary of SummerStage, our show has a bit of an '80s theme. You know our VIPs - our very important puzzlers - from the cult classic film that satirized summer camp in the '80s "Wet Hot American Summer." And now they are back. Our VIPs are the cast of the new Netflix series "Wet Hot American Summer: First Day Of Camp."

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Well, let's go to our first game. It's called Totally Rad Sayings. And here to play it are Rob Eigenbrod and Tony Malikowski.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Now, it's interesting to learn both of you are trained voice actors.

ROB EIGENBROD: Oh, really?

EISENBERG: You have something common. Rob, you work on something I didn't know before, story-running gigs.

EIGENBROD: Yes.

EISENBERG: What are those?

EIGENBROD: It's kind of like running to a movie soundtrack, but somebody's telling you about an action sequence, and you're running along with it.

EISENBERG: To motivate me.

EIGENBROD: It motivates you to run faster.

EISENBERG: OK, now, Tony, what kind of stuff do you do in the voiceover world?

TONY MALIKOWSKI: I am a teacher, so I get to use my voices all the time.

EISENBERG: And are you good at any impressions or anything?

MALIKOWSKI: Oh let's see, how about (imitating Kermit the Frog) it's not easy being green.

EISENBERG: Nice, classic.

COULTON: Very classic.

MALIKOWSKI: Actually, I can do R2-D2 as well, so...

EISENBERG: Oh, yeah, we need that, clearly.

MALIKOWSKI: (Imitating R2-D2).

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: That's pretty good.

EISENBERG: Are you - do you ever slip a little bit of slang or lingo that you enjoy into conversation?

MALIKOWSKI: Well, usually, I like to throw in quantum...

EISENBERG: Quantum.

MALIKOWSKI: ...Because a lot of people don't actually know what it means, but it makes you sound smart.

EISENBERG: Do you actually know what it means?

MALIKOWSKI: Oh, yeah. It's the smallest possible amount of anything.

EISENBERG: Quantum...

MALIKOWSKI: Quantum.

EISENBERG: ...Right, and they think it's the other way around. They think it's, like, the largest...

MALIKOWSKI: Right, they think it's huge.

EISENBERG: Right, right, right...

MALIKOWSKI: Right, yeah.

EISENBERG: So you throw it in, and then they don't know...

MALIKOWSKI: Right, like I have just a quantum of pity for you right now.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) And they're like thank you so much. You really...

MALIKOWSKI: Thank you so much.

EISENBERG: ...Understand me.

MALIKOWSKI: I have a real quantum of pity.

EISENBERG: Well, if you remember the '80s, it doesn't matter if you were an airhead, a boy toy, a mall chick or a burnout. If you didn't know your '80s lingo, you were a total dweeb. So in this game, we're going to give you some literal translations of some classic '80s catchphrases, and you have to give us the original bit of slang. So Jonathan Coulton, I'm sure you threw around some great lingo back in the day. Can you give these people an example?

COULTON: Yeah, sure. Back in the day, my lingo was super fresh, all of it. So if I said we're going to Disneyland? That's completely long, round and hollow, the answer we'd be looking for is totally tubular.

EISENBERG: And the winner will, like, totally move on to, like, the final round at the end of the show, all right?

EIGENBROD: Sweet.

MALIKOWSKI: Sweet, dude.

EIGENBROD: Totally.

EISENBERG: Are you wearing a plaid shirt with skinny jeans? Force me to vomit with a utensil used to stir, measure or eat.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Rob.

EIGENBROD: Gag me with a spoon.

EISENBERG: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: You said that sort of like an angry father, by the way.

COULTON: Like, are you OK? I totally heard a thud.

EISENBERG: Oh no, I'm prostrate on the ground, and I am unable to return to an upright position.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Rob.

EIGENBROD: I've fallen, and I can't get up.

EISENBERG: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Remember that old lady lying on the floor?

EISENBERG: Yeah, and with that...

COULTON: Oh boy.

EISENBERG: ...Like, an entire country started mocking...

COULTON: Yeah.

EISENBERG: ...This poor lady.

COULTON: Good times.

EISENBERG: I'm totally wigging out that Brad didn't call me.

COULTON: Relax Ophira, you should just consume a small capsule that will fill you with a sudden sensation of coldness.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Tony.

MALIKOWSKI: You should take a chill pill.

EISENBERG: Yes, that is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: I think that's - Xanax is what the name of that is, right? We finally just...

COULTON: That's the brand name, yeah.

EISENBERG: Yeah, just called it something. Do you want to go see Corey Hart live in concert tonight?

COULTON: No, I'm just going to sit in front of the television and take root, like an edible plant.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Tony.

MALIKOWSKI: I'd rather be a couch potato.

EISENBERG: Oh, yeah.

COULTON: Interesting...

EISENBERG: Yeah, that was...

COULTON: ...Interesting. I think we have to go the judges on this one.

EISENBERG: Yeah, let's go to our puzzle guru Art Chung. What do you think of that?

ART CHUNG, BYLINE: Oh, that's a good guess, but that's not the one we were looking for. Rob, do you have an answer?

EIGENBROD: I am going to veg out.

EISENBERG: Yes.

COULTON: Yep.

EISENBERG: That is what we were looking for.

COULTON: You're really going to wear your hair in a banana clip?

EISENBERG: Whatever, geeze, like, explain the nature of the injury or harm to your person.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Tony.

MALIKOWSKI: Like, what's your damage?

EISENBERG: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: You're grounded. No "Donkey Kong" for a week.

COULTON: What? That's completely counterfeit or fraudulent.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Tony.

MALIKOWSKI: That's so bogus.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) Yes, it is.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Would you like some gluten-free ravioli?

EISENBERG: Yuck. That is disgusting to the utmost quantity possible.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Tony.

MALIKOWSKI: That's grody to the max.

EISENBERG: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Tony lived in the Valley. All right, this your last clue. Do you want to go to prom with me? The theme is leather and lace.

COULTON: Totally, moderately-cold legumes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Tony.

MALIKOWSKI: Cool beans.

EISENBERG: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Let's go to our puzzle guru Art Chung. Art, how did our contestants do?

CHUNG: Well, Rob and Tony, you are totally two righteous dudes, but Tony is moving on to the final round at the end of the show. Congratulations.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "VALLEY GIRL")

FRANK ZAPPA: (Singing) She's a Valley girl, Valley girl. She's a Valley girl. OK, fine, for sure, for sure, she's a, like, oh my God, Valley girl -like totally. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.